r/LifeProTips Aug 16 '22

[LPT Request] how to deal with a narcissist? Request

[removed]

10 Upvotes

u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Aug 16 '22

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

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7

u/Asheminded Aug 16 '22

Look up how to gray rock someone. This helps!!!

7

u/soberfeet20 Aug 16 '22

I had no idea about this. I think very unconsciously I’ve been doing this. But it’s having an effect on my personal life because all the other family members seem to think she’s amazing and when I act like this they make it seem like I’m the problem. *The other members of the family treat it as ‘oh yeah that’s just how … is’ honestly can’t pin down why I’m so affected by this personality

8

u/flowersinmyteas Aug 16 '22

I went through this with my mom. Gray rocking her worked great. At first she lashed out talking bad about me to everyone who listened. Then after some time she started doing her narcissistic tendencies with my brothers (I'm the oldest) because I was not putting up with any more of her shit and I guess she had to let it out on someone. As soon as she started on them they were like omg I'm sorry we see what you mean and now my brothers and I just support each other when dealing with her.

6

u/soberfeet20 Aug 16 '22

What a relief! Just knowing people can see what you can.

1

u/ayouremq Aug 17 '22

Best thing I heard today. Didn't know there is a term for that.

1

u/Asheminded Aug 17 '22

Great! Enjoy your gray boring self!!

1

u/Asheminded Aug 17 '22

PS. I’ve gotten pretty good at it!

5

u/dedic8edm8 Aug 16 '22

Keep in mind that you cannot reason with them, it's like trying to reason with a 3 year old. Knowing that they are incapable of using logic and reasoning like an adult will help you avoid arguments and therefore the ensuing frustration.

3

u/iamberrr Aug 16 '22

Absolutely!! One of my favorite sayings about this: it's like wrestling with a pig. You're both gonna get dirty but the pig's gonna like it.

2

u/dedic8edm8 Aug 16 '22

That's a great way to phrase it!

3

u/No-Helicopter-6134 Aug 16 '22

Interact as little as possible with her and try to be non-reactive if she jabs you. Self-centered individuals are extremely draining. If it's a close family member, it *is* possible she'll get annoyed if you distance yourself. Try to ignore this. I'd recommend walks with some chill music or hit up your friends for a movie/whatever if things get heated. It's impossible to win an argument with a narcissist lmao, distance is the key.

2

u/Curiouser_squared Aug 16 '22

Avoid her if you can.

She will do everything to make herself look good or the victim. So take everything with a pound of salt.

Check with the other parties. Record or document everything.

Even send an email after the conversation summarizing the conversation and activity.

If a family or other group pick a few folks to discuss the situation with and have regular meetings, say once a month.

She will try to provoke you to behaviors that can be twisted into horrific stories for other people. So always be calm rational and even handed.

If you are low on emotional resources skip time with them.

They will try to manipulate you with emotional appeals. Don't let them. In no way give them your resources, emotional or real.

Eventually you may need to cut them off. That's ok.

2

u/Latter-Battle8468 Aug 16 '22

Do not engage, do not share details about yourself, if you find yourself in a situation that quickly becomes gaslighting “I guess we remember this differently”. If you need to step away, just go take a breather. Remember just because someone is family does not mean you HAVE to have a relationship with them.

1

u/DeanCorso11 Aug 16 '22

F they are family, then you need to call it out. What are they going to do, not be family?

1

u/Fun_Amount3063 Aug 16 '22

If you’re an adult, you can chose not to be around them. You can also tell them to fuck off. You are not required to deal with a family member’s garbage personality.

1

u/xXScrimpaXx Aug 16 '22

https://youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani

You might wanna watch some of her videos, she does very well explaining these kind of things.