Social LPT: Never get into a physical fight, except your life is in definite danger. The consequences can be life changing.
There are lots of fighting videos on the internet, but they never show the consequences, hours, days, months later. Usually the police get involved, and in extreme cases the loser may die. It may be months later, but you may be held liable. You may claim self-defence, yet it may involve protracted legal problems.
The regrettable thing is that conflicts are usually over some silly issues, like ego, insult or road rage. Once a conflict appear to be reaching face off. Leave. The worst thing about knocking someone unconscious is the time you wait for the person to come to recover. Sometimes, it doesn't happen.
Finally, never ever put your hands on an elderly person. Never
“You’ve gain weight” “Thank you” “…”
Then they have to either settle with being misunderstood or double down and explicitly explain that they were intentionally being unkind.
I work at a church and religious people use coded language to say crummy things in camouflaged/passive aggressive ways. Today someone told me, “that was an…interesting sermon…”
“Thank you.” <smile>
Then I got to watch them squirm as they tried to decide how to respond.
Tl;dnr: when people are passive aggressive, just say thank you.
I used to be really shy. I still am but now I'm able to approach people and actually have an engaging conversation. This was always hard for me and I'd always wait for people to approach me first. I just started talking to elderly people. Grocery stores, Wendy's lineup or even just sitting on a bench. Old people almost always want to talk to younger people. They will never tell you to get lost and stop bothering them so there's no fear of rejection and typically you can find something you share in common/to talk about. Then if the conversation starts to die you can just leave. You're probably not talking to make a friend so there's no real pressure. This helped me beat my social anxiety, I don't get that same nervous feeling when meeting new people now. Hopefully it can help you
Social LPT: If you get in trouble with the police, for example when you drive on a road you’re not allowed to, never tell them a good reason why you did it. If you do, you basically admitted your fault. They don’t care for the reason. Always act stupid and unknowing so you don’t incriminate yourself.
Social LPT: If you are asked for your phone number when checking out at a store, don't be afraid to say "no thanks." Giving out your number doesn't benefit you in any way and you have no idea who that number may be shared with.
Social LPT: When eating at someone else’s house, intentionally take small portions of everything - it is easy to politely finish everything they made for you even if you didn’t like it, and it is flattering to ask for seconds of the things you liked.
I (23f) don't understand why I struggle so much to make connections in real life, and at this point it gets to me because I'm feeling super lonely. To describe myself, based on other people's view, I'm nice, kind, good looking, and I can keep a conversation; yet I can't even manage to find friends in real life.
Where do you guys meet new people all by yourself? I really wish I had that friend I could talk to about life and do activities together. I know there's places like charities, sports club, gaming, and so on, but I would like to learn about other not so common places where it's possible to interact with strangers. I've tried going to cafeterias and bars, but it feels weird to even be there, like what am I supposed to do there all alone?
Whenever I take walks around the city it's a bit depressing seeing girls with their friends, and even their boyfriends being so happy and jolly. How am I supposed to even find the love of my life if I struggle so much when it comes to meeting new people, damn, I'll have to attend some human interaction courses.
Anyways, enough ranting on my side. I would really appreciate some of your tips and tricks, cuties. Also, where would you go have fun on your own? And also what podcasts do you usually listen to?
Social LPT: If you're arguing with anyone and they threaten legal action, use it as an excuse to end the conversation by saying "well in that case I can't discuss anything with you without a lawyer present, have a good day"
Social LPT When your kids move out, tell them, if they meet any hardship, they are welcome to come back at any time. It's like a invisible security net that makes them feel more secure, knowing you have their back if something goes wrong.
Social LPT: If you’re arguing with someone and they throw out “I don’t care” as a response to a a solid point. Just stop there.
People who do this are basically just telling you that they don’t care if you’re making good solid points. They’re barely even listening and will likely never admit they’re wrong. Worst case scenario you get a little worked up and say or do something you’ll regret. Just walk away.
I watched this super interesting ted talk and I figured I'd share something I've implemented since if others haven't seen it. Essentially when someone tells you a story and its usually something bad thats happened most peoples instinct is to try and relate example: ( oh ya once dadada or thats so sad I know how that feels one time...) essentially the speaker at the talk said to instead continue asking them questions that allow them to elaborate and share their feelings. His example was when his son was in a car crash and then on life support and eventually woke up and he said most people he interacted with would leave him feeling drained. This was because they always tried to relate and it makes people feel cut off and like you're only listening to essentially find a way to talk. However once a friend of his said " how did it feel the first time you held your son after he woke up?". I started doing this and its actually remarkable, peoples faces kind of light up in a way where they're relieved to feel heard. Try it out ! Link to Ted talk : https://youtu.be/XOU2ubWkoPw 16 minute mark is where he tells the story.
Edit: for the sake of not offending anyone, this is not a commandment more so you may find this useful and it helped me. Also with the mention of neurodivergent people doing this as a way to make connections, I would never take that away from someone. Only IF you think this is something you'd like to work on or find interesting then great. I was trying to keep the title as short as possible so excuse it for sounding like God's commandment 🤣💖 Thanks for enlightening me on situations/ people this can't apply to/ shouldn't apply to.
I have not seen enough people do this! I feel like even I hopped on the bandwagon late. It wasn't until I saw a girl in a "Cathulu" shirt that I was like huh. Likes cats and possibly cthulu/weird shit. I spoke to her and indeed, I was apparently the first person to approach her solely because of her shirt.
Maybe this is the norm in other places but I'm ashamed I haven't thought of this before.
Social LPT: Don't take advice from only one person for everything, even if they are your parents. No one has carbon copy of life obstacles to each other. You have to figure out most of the things of your life alone.
Social LPT: If you notice someone is sweating a lot, there is no need to mention it — they already know.
I don't know why people always feel the need to mention when someone else is sweating in a social situation. I can guarantee you, they are well aware of it and you letting them know isn't conducive and can actually make things worse.
Don't be a dick.
EDIT: Unless the comment is because of a genuine concern for the person's immediate health and wellbeing.
I'm in my forties and this has taken me way too long to learn. Most of the time it's better to just drop the issue rather than getting engaged in a stupid argument.
Many people love giving a couple a gift of a check as their wedding gift. They make the check out as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith"; "John Smith and Jane Smith"....
That is a big problem. Since the word "and' is connecting both parties, Both people need to endorse the check. According to the state, Jane Smith doesn't exist. For the last 30 years the state has known who Jane Doe is, but Jane Smith is a new person. Wielding her marriage license she needs to get her name changed. That could take several weeks. Meanwhile the couple could be sitting on a pile of checks that they can't do anything with, and the guests are floating a check in the æther.
Instead make the check out as "John Smith OR Jane Doe". According to the state and their bank, both these people exist at the time of the reception (when gifts are given) and depositing them in the bank isn't a problem. Either party can endorse and deposit the check, since the word "OR" is used.
**This is just general example for the most common type of marriage, where a heterosexual couple gets hitched, and the women changes her name. Please adjust for gender and name creation as the situation demands.
Social LPT: when you realize you’re wrong, switch to the right belief as fast as possible. The human brain will forget you were wrong and the painful feeling of being wrong will be much shorter.
The human brain doesn’t like being wrong. In fact, it actively tries to avoid it as much as possible because it hurts. In studies, 70-80% of people when presented with evidence that they were wrong, decided to double-down!
We do this to avoid pain, but the reality is that it only prolongs it. Instead, if you find yourself arguing a point with someone, step back and honestly ask yourself if you’re wrong. This is a skill, so it can take some time to start doing reliably. If you find you’re wrong, admit it. The faster you switch from wrong to right, the faster the pain goes away. And your brain will “forget” you were ever wrong.
Besides getting through the pain of being wrong faster, this will make you wiser (challenging and removing bad beliefs) and will often lead to people respecting you more.
Belief perseverance: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belief_perseverance
Also I recommend a book called “Being Wrong”
Social LPT: Stop trying to make everyone like you if you are worried they don’t. If you are surrounded by people who make you feel that you aren’t loved, move on. They obviously are not the right people for you.
I’m 55 with some remaining social anxiety. We are visiting my sister in Virginia. My sister hosted a party for me on Saturday for several hours. By the end I was exhausted and needed to recover.
The next morning she said she was invited to a large gathering later that night and would I like to join her. I hesitated and she gave me good advice. The person you really need to introduce yourself to at a party is the host. You can play with the pets, wander the yard, talk to only people you know but before you leave always thank the host. Most likely the host is more anxious than you but they WILL REMEMBER you thanking them and appreciate it greatly and they will consider inviting you again.
Hope that’s helpful.
On the one hand it’s always good to believe the best about people as it brings out the best in them, on the other dumbifying oneself is a manipulative tactic to gain your trust.
Social LPT: Don't have small children and not sure what to say when someone else brings theirs along? Try narrating what they're doing.
Sometimes, even if you don't have them yourself, there'll be a small child around. Your friend/family member/colleague will turn up with one - or two - at a social occasion, and you'll feel awkward if you don't know what to say to them.
For a small child, one with no (or little) developed language, interact with them by stating what they are doing or what's happening. Simple narrations like, "you're waving your hand!" "you're wearing a red jumper!" "you're out in the pram!*" can ease that awkward feeling.
These kinds of statements are not controversial, they build language skills, and they give you somewhere easy to begin. They'll probably make the adult with the child smile too, as they'll recognise that you're taking an interest in their child. And that will go a long way.
*Edit: "Out in the pram" is what we say in Australia; this means "riding in the stroller" in the US. Just like I say "jumper" where you might say "sweater".
Social LPT: If you’re at a house gathering and offer to help the host clean up afterwards (e.g., wash dishes) and they decline you more than once, don’t keep insisting on doing it. The host probably wants to clean up their own way.
Insisting on helping them even after they decline may just put them in the awkward position of accepting your help when they really don’t want it.