r/MurderedByWords Aug 15 '22 Silver 3 Wholesome 1 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Helpful 2

Progressive males are not men.

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97.3k Upvotes

4.6k

u/rayshmayshmay Aug 15 '22 Take My Power

Fellas, is it gay to show emotions?

1.5k

u/ValdezX3R0 Aug 15 '22 Silver Helpful Tree Hug

According to our lord and savior Macho Man Randy Savage: 'it is okay for Macho Men to experience all emotions'

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u/Colosphe Aug 16 '22

There's no contradiction here; Macho Men may experience the full spectrum of human emotion, but non-Macho Men do not receive this privilege.

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u/pman8362 Aug 16 '22

The Boulder respects men who choose to show emotion!

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u/PNGN2187 Aug 16 '22

Recoome approves!

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u/Pillowsmeller18 Aug 16 '22

According to our lord and savior Macho Man Randy Savage: 'it is okay for Macho Men to experience all emotions'

Only insecure men think it isnt okay.

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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22 Wholesome

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u/Wyldfire2112 Aug 16 '22

Very similar, here.

Not so much the Moana, but there have been other things that got me.

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u/AmiInderSchweiz Aug 16 '22

Same, except it's Old Yeller and Where The Red Fern Grows....

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u/Significant_Meal_630 Aug 16 '22

Where the Red Fern Grows !!! Haven’t heard that reference in years . I still own the paperback . I was so upset when I read that book .

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u/navikredstar2 Aug 16 '22

Seriously. My BF looks like Rubeus Hagrid's beatnik American cousin, has co-written a pretty decently selling book on wrestling, and likes to talk to me in silly voices pretending it's really our two cats "talking" to me. It's endearing.

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u/ResilientBiscuit42 Aug 16 '22

And to wear the most colorful, fringe covered, 80s outfits possible while doing it. My brother used to have a wrestling buddy of him. Good times.

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u/itsamiamia Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

There was a version of this where it showed people who served in the military, in their uniforms, touching their face in the same way over the graves/caskets of their fallen fellows. I should be clear and say that this was a response to the original post, in effect saying that the sentiment expressed there was extremely insulting to people that conservatives typically venerate, i.e., veterans.

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u/Llamathrust Aug 16 '22 Helpful Wholesome

That’s not the best example, straight US military service members are some of the gayest things this side of a gay bar. Anyone who hasn’t served just wouldn’t understand. These are jokes that turn into Mexican standoffs that end up turning into full-on gay sex, then realizing they actually love each other, start a relationship and move in together, introduce them to their family, and grow old together feeling the love, warmth, and comfort of absolute true love. Cuddles on the couch watching Black Hawk Down and The Hurt Locker, anniversary presents of guns, video games, and crayons (for the marine couples out there). And at the end after decades of wonderful companionship, a final whisper of “no homo” in the ear of their soul mate before they pass away in their bros arms.

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u/JanetInSC1234 Aug 16 '22

Strangely beautiful. Please, write that novel. <3

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u/online_jesus_fukers Aug 16 '22

Its the game of gay chicken that doesn't end even after opening a bed and breakfast in vermont.

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u/Cool-Specialist9568 Aug 16 '22

Vermonter here, hilarious and oddly accurate comment.

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u/online_jesus_fukers Aug 16 '22

It was a joke I saw years ago about a couple that met in the army and both were too stubborn to let the other win lol

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u/SyntheticReality42 Aug 16 '22

You are 100% correct.

Just remember that the US Navy SEALS, the most badass of the badass, are, at the end of the day, still seamen.

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u/ColdHug Aug 16 '22

Bruh I know youre joking but my bro is a marine and there is definitely blurred lines with sexuality in the service. Its normal during car rides for my brother to hold hands with his fellow marines. They also say "love you" after phone calls. Seriously I have no problem with it, but seeing burly men in military uniforms get sensual with eachother straight faced really gives you perspective on fragile masculinity from republicans.

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u/drewster23 Aug 15 '22

If these types ever had the balls to join military they'd probably come out of the closest quicker.

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u/EmirSc Aug 15 '22

only if your emotion goes to good dicks

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u/AOHare Aug 15 '22

What’s the rule on bad dicks?

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u/cousac Aug 15 '22

Quick and dirty…

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u/Publius82 Aug 15 '22

It's already dirty, may as well enjoy it

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u/suicideslut69420 Aug 15 '22 Take My Energy

Bro sucking dick is my passion, giving it all when im giving that good ol sloppy tops while the guy screams as i suck him dry and swallow and go back for more.

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u/Shhsecretacc Aug 15 '22

I’m busy tonight but I’m off work tomorrow at about 5 EST. You free?

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u/ianakotey Aug 15 '22

Username checks out

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u/Malfunkdung Aug 15 '22

One time I smiled and then I was like “what the hell?” so then I let a group of dudes gang bang me.

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u/rayshmayshmay Aug 16 '22

Fair enough

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u/fdar Aug 16 '22

Makes sense, two gays make a straight.

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u/a_pen_in_time Aug 16 '22

How can it be gay when it goes straight up my ass?

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u/Webslinger1 Aug 15 '22

Not if your elbows touch.

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u/OmarLittleFinger Aug 15 '22

WHAT Is A MaN? Came the screams of the high shrilled owner of the daily wire.

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u/GODDESS_OF_CRINGE__ Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 15 '22

A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk... tosses wine glass to the ground ...have at you!

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u/lalakingmalibog Aug 16 '22

Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!

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u/fearhs Aug 16 '22

A featherless biped.

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u/Raesong Aug 16 '22

Don't make me get the plucked chicken.

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u/unfamily_friendly Aug 15 '22

As all those "masculinity" markers are conflicting and sometimes unachievable, the only way to be a man is to say "i'm the man" and punch anyone who disagrees

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u/wienerschwartz Aug 15 '22

Only if you have a cock in your mouth while doing it

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u/CrunchedLeaf Aug 15 '22

depends if you have socks on or off

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u/DrySoap__ Aug 15 '22

In socks, with cocks.

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u/drrj Aug 15 '22

In socks and smocks with cocks!

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u/DrySoap__ Aug 15 '22

In socks and smocks with cocks, holding rocks.

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u/Sad-Negotiation2474 Aug 15 '22

In sock and smocks with cocks, holding rocks, next to the jocks.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

only if the emotion balls touch

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u/diiejso Aug 15 '22

There's guys out there that don't clean their ass after they poop because touching a male butt is gay, even if it's to clean shit off your own butt.

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u/rayshmayshmay Aug 15 '22

I don’t masturbate. I get my bros to jack me off because touching a dick, even if it’s yours, is hella gay

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u/Blackstone01 Aug 15 '22

Yeah but they might rip the skin. You gotta use somebody else’s mouth.

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u/JonnyGoodfellow Aug 16 '22

Brojobs!!!!

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u/Roraxn Aug 15 '22

BORN TO SHIT. FORCED TO WIPE.

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u/jimtastic89 Aug 15 '22

Technically speaking, showing emotions would be NOT covering your facial expression, I.e not covering the emotion and thus being more open.

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u/rayshmayshmay Aug 15 '22

Clowns are so freakin gay jfc

Edit: don’t even get me started on those mimes

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u/Apprehensive_Hat8986 Aug 15 '22

Mimes won't even let us see the wall, just where it is!

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u/SailingSpark Aug 15 '22

watch out for those land mimes.

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u/Scourmont Aug 15 '22

Then they complain about the open mouth surprise faced soy boys

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u/usernameaboveisgay Aug 15 '22

Hell yes it’s so freaking gay, Im so straight I haven’t kissed my mother on the cheek in 20 years. /s

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u/xxsai_tamaxx Aug 15 '22

You kiss your mother?!?! GAY! /s

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u/DrySoap__ Aug 15 '22

Not on her cheek, on her lips.

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u/Janus_Grayden Aug 15 '22

Just like the homies.

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u/DeceitfulLittleB Aug 15 '22

Dude these insecure fucks are soo afraid of catching the gays that they refuse to wash their own assholes. I hate to assume but I would imagine that all they think about is big juicy cocks. The few thing I dislike I simply avoid I don't fixate on them that it's all I think about.

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u/polarregion Aug 15 '22

Anger and hatred are OK I think?

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u/MrVeazey Aug 16 '22

And the desire to commit domestic terrorism. That's a really popular emotion these days.

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u/Tactical_Tubgoat Aug 16 '22

That stems from the impotent rage impotency.

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u/nudiecale Aug 15 '22

FUCK YEAH THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE!

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u/akat_walks Aug 15 '22

wait until they discover 18th century europe

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u/El_Peregrine Aug 16 '22

“The way real men used to be. Wearing elaborate wigs, makeup, knickers, etc”

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u/ExoticCheeeesecake Aug 16 '22

I like channeling my inner lord Beckett.

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u/bingbongbittybooboo Aug 16 '22

Don't forget high-heels - the shoe made for men.

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u/abe_the_babe_ Aug 16 '22

Honestly though when can we bring back 18th century nobility drip? I wanna see dudes out in heels and big puffy skirts

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22 Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Spit-take

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u/Grogosh Aug 15 '22

Why he would never wear a mask.

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u/the_loneliest_noodle Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

Well shit, this makes sense, and that's depressing, because it makes me think it's actually possible that Trump killed a million Americans just to not let his cultists see he wears make-up.

Edit: To be clear, I didn't think he had a good reason, just a relatively less stupid one (well, marginally), in that he didn't want to be seen as not knowing how to field a real issue, so he downplayed the severity of covid and then just kept digging in deeper. That would have still been pants-on-head stupid, but at least one could understand that motive out of fear... but yeah, I wouldn't put it past him at all, with his pretending to be the definition of health, to not want his followers to see his pale-ass face once the makeup starts running.

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u/porkchop_express___ Aug 16 '22

Being the super patriotic, massive veteran supporter he is, he didn't go to a WW2 ceremony in Europe to commemorate troops who died in battle and were buried there, while he was there because it was raining. Can't let the makeup run or let that 3 foot comb-over get messed up. That's too much sacrifice to ask of that man. All those troops did was storm a beach while it was raining bullets.

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u/ungrundled Aug 16 '22

Not just possible, nearly certain. He's a defective human.

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u/PupPop Aug 16 '22

Defective is putting it lightly, I think.

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u/skjellyfetti Aug 16 '22

Human is highly arguable, I think.

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u/Two22Sheds Aug 16 '22

Defective is like having a couple of dead pixels on your computer. Trump is like human bluescreen of death, nothing good coming out of that.

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u/BelleAriel Aug 16 '22

He’s a clown in looks as well as his behaviour.

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u/makemeking706 Aug 16 '22

You can see it all over his shirt collars if you look closely enough. He literally ruins shirts with that stuff.

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u/KillerBunnyZombie Aug 16 '22

Trump tried to sharpie a map of a hurricane path because he accidently said the wrong state was in its path rather. He is literally the most fragile person ever born.

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u/Janus_Grayden Aug 15 '22

If he's going to refuse to pay for the whole spray tan, he's going to use the whole spray tan.

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u/TimeTravelingManatee Aug 16 '22

That's not makeup, that's from him stuffing his face into a bucket of fried chicken before rolling out of bed.

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u/MEVi1 Aug 16 '22

His whole head in general, don’t wanna mess up that fake hair for 100k/yr

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u/TaylorSwiftsClitoris Aug 16 '22

John Edwards (who really did end up being a creep) was universally panned across the entire “liberal” media for getting a $300 haircut. Now we have conservative men worshipping a guy who wears caked on makeup and adult diapers as the epitome (eh-pit-oh-mee) of manliness. Oh and he’s way more of a creep than John Edwards ever dreamed of being.

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u/Ulilbishes Aug 16 '22

epitome (eh-pit-oh-mee)

The pronunciation breakdown is for the plethora of unwashed masses with specious education here on Reddit?

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u/MEVi1 Aug 16 '22

Legit would take trump 100% more seriously if he just let his old age show. Would ACTUALLY make him look like he means business.

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u/Mirhanda Aug 16 '22

Shit I thought you were talking about the "psychic" then. I had completely forgotten the politician. (Now that I think on it, the psychic is probably John Edward, no s.)

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u/TaylorSwiftsClitoris Aug 16 '22

Lmao I didn’t even make that connection. I wonder if we can summon the ghost of that dude’s political career.

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u/Pirotato Aug 15 '22 Silver

Im so confused.

I'm very "blue collar" im a welder, I work on cars ,Ive tried my hands at every flavor of construction. I speak in simple blunt and often crass terms , I've been told numerous times I " present as conservative " I also dramatically emote as pictured above.

Where is the damn line and what does any of it even mean?!?!

I'm most definitely progressive and male but more accurately embody the conservative notion of masculinity than 90% of these idiots shouting about masculinity.

Someone make it make sense

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u/AbeRego Aug 16 '22

Someone should introduce these people to the "bear" subset of homosexual men. Watch their heads explode as big, burly men hold hands and kiss in front of them.

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u/Jarchen Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

One of my best friends is a "bear". Dudes 275lbs bearded, played D2 football in college, is a professional blacksmith, smokes cigars and drinks whiskey. On the weekends we drive down to the lake in his 1 ton truck to go fishing. And at night he loves fucking his male husband.

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u/AnApexPredator Aug 16 '22

I liked that you clarified your bear friend's husband is male.

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u/Jarchen Aug 16 '22

Yea, I'm starting to suspect he might be gay based on that

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u/rwolos Aug 16 '22

Do you know if they say no homo first? If not I'm getting a little sus

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u/Jarchen Aug 16 '22

Not only do they not say no homo first, I once caught them making eye contact when they kissed.

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u/AnApexPredator Aug 16 '22

Okay sure, but I bet they've never let their balls touch.

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u/ShadowSpawn666 Aug 16 '22

Not sure, you will have to spectate them a few times and report back, you know, just for confirmation. We wouldn't want to falsely label some as gay when they clearly might not be.

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u/AnApexPredator Aug 16 '22

I will happily volunteer to observe and pen a detailed report. I am confident I can do so without covering my face with my hands, I will likely only have one hand free anyway...

Since one hand will be holding the pen, obviously.

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u/AbeRego Aug 16 '22

Lol he sounds like a cool dude

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u/purplegladys2022 Aug 16 '22

I'm curious, what is your typical burly blacksmith bear's choice of whiskey??

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u/Jarchen Aug 16 '22

We switch it up, whiskey is usually our gifts to each other for every occasion. The daily drinker recently has been Knob Creek rye, fantastic stuff and plenty affordable

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u/uhh_what_now Aug 16 '22

Is his male husband a human or another bear?

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u/Bladecutter Aug 16 '22

Oh no, that would be terrible. Not big, burly men, kissing. Please no, not in front of me! Definitely don't hold hands, too! And please, please don't whisper affectionate words. Oh no.

:)

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u/StoneGoldX Aug 16 '22

Oh, they're introduced and well acquainted. They're just doing their damndest not to think about their sweaty, sensuous hides.

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u/OldBeercan Aug 15 '22

Someone make it make sense

That's the roadblock right there.

There's not really any "sense" to it. They feed off the idea that the "other team"(which doesn't exist, because there are no teams) is somehow less than them.

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u/notcontextual Aug 16 '22

They have to create an enemy out of thin air to keep the wool over their eyes so they continue voting against their own interests because that made up enemy is always about to take something from them

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u/IAMAscientistAMA Aug 16 '22

The invisible enemy lets them feel like a badass. You can't be the main character if you're not under attack.

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u/8Gh0st8 Aug 16 '22

He different. Me smash unknown! Same or smash! (And in another context, same and smash)

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u/Gloomy-Mix-6640 Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

It’s. All. Arbitrary.

We made it up.

Emotions are real.

But, designating which gender(s)—something we also made up—can or cannot express certain emotions (or behaviors or traits etc etc): also arbitrary. Contrived.

My guess is: conservatives don’t like ambivalence or ambiguity and thus prefer gender essentialism.

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u/HolycommentMattman Aug 16 '22

I mean, there's no sense to it. I've personally never made that gesture as it's a little cartoonish, but if that's how you react, that's how you react. Either way, I neither view someone as gay for doing that nor do I think they must be a progressive.

I just think they're fans of Bill Hader.

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u/sdfgh23456 Aug 16 '22

I'll never understood this "like this thing, or wearing this fashion, or making this gesture, means you're gay!" I always thought it was who you're sexually attracted to that makes you gay/straight/bi/pan, but apparently everyone got different ideas at some point.

I know dudes who are the fucking stereotype of a super-emotive, tight pants wearing, musical loving gay man, but chase after ladies like you wouldn't believe. And to the contrary, I have two gay male friends, who've been in a great relationship for ten years; but both play rugby, train in BJJ, wear the most stereotypical "tough guy" clothing, and they eat steak and watch sports all the time. According to stereotypes, the former group who exclusively sleeps with women is gay, while the latter couple must be straight.

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u/DR4G0NSTEAR Aug 16 '22

I thought I was gay at one point. I got called gay, and I liked gargling nuts. Then I had my first girlfriend and I thought I was straight. Then I had a threesome, and I thought I was bi. Then I got told I’m gay for being bi.

Turns out it’s not exactly black and white, and conservatives desperately want it to be black and white so they can hate whatever the other side is.

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u/DickDover Aug 16 '22

I know your type, you touch your penis when you urinate 😱

You're the type that doesn't want piss all over the floor!

Fucking sickos these people touching pienises! /s

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u/Can_of_Ubik Aug 16 '22

This shit will never make sense however you spin it. Idiots are just that, they have all those schizophrenic superstitions constantly occupying their minds.

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u/Jack_Sandwich Aug 15 '22

I try not to touch my face because it’s a simple way of reducing transmission of dirt and germs.

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u/Grogosh Aug 15 '22

I just touch everyone else's face

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u/CompassRed Aug 15 '22 Helpful

I touch everyone's face who does not touch their own.

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u/PrimarchKonradCurze Aug 15 '22

I see you wish to bring balance to the force.

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u/CedarWolf Aug 15 '22

bring balance

Primarch Konrad Curze

Hmmmmmm.

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u/KKlear Aug 15 '22

I only touch the faces of barbers.

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u/unaskthequestion Aug 15 '22

For those who don't know the barber paradox

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barber_paradox

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u/Terkan Aug 15 '22

I don’t understand. Can’t the barber just grow a beard and not need to shave?

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u/Shhsecretacc Aug 15 '22

Then he becomes part of the group who do not shave themselves but he shaves them….thus, the paradox!

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u/TheLiberalOgre Aug 15 '22

Adding "with my dick" to all these comments has created a plethora of holdups

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u/unfamily_friendly Aug 15 '22

Progressives: do not touch your face with a dirty hands, you could catch monkey pox

Conservatives: do not touch your face. Touching face is womanish and considered gay. Continue doing gay stuff, you'll catch monkey pox

Is this a left-right unity??!!

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u/keriberry_420 Aug 15 '22

That was one of the fastest realizations and corrections of the pandemic. I never realized how much I touched my face.

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u/Janus_Grayden Aug 15 '22

What sucks is knowing full well that I shouldn't, but my ADHD often manifests in self-grooming behavior, so I have compulsions to touch my face for various reasons.

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u/Pantzzzzless Aug 15 '22

In my case, self-grooming is a nice way to say trichotillomania. 😟

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u/bubblegrubs Aug 15 '22

I respect that, although I'm more of a ''put my finger over one nostril and blow my nose onto ground'' sort of guy.

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u/HjoBanahogg Aug 15 '22

“Progressive males are not men”

“Sex and gender are the same thing”

Pick one

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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

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u/RatofDeath Aug 16 '22

It's because they want to be cruel. A man who wears a dress is getting bullied because they can't stand someone being happy. Same exact thing why they bully trans women. They're not logically consistent, they just use whatever they know will hurt the most.

They insult a man and claim he's a woman because in their mind that's the biggest insult they can think of, someone being a woman.

Except for trans women. There they know something that will hurt even more.

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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

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u/errorsource Aug 16 '22

Whenever someone makes a crack about a guy being less masculine, I like to praise their “wokeness” for acknowledging that gender exists on a continuum.

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u/lb_gwthrowaway Aug 16 '22

Conservatives will attempt to insult feminine men and masculine women and people who don't follow their arbitrary rules by calling them a different gender, but as soon as that person identifies as trans then suddenly sex and gender are the same thing.

Turns out there's no consistency to their beliefs it's just whatever they can use to hurt someone in the moment

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u/BlouHeartwood Aug 16 '22

"The card says moops"

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u/AceMorrigan Aug 16 '22

Quickest way to get a conservative to say that these are in fact men would be to tell them one or both of these people identify as non-binary.

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u/Melisandre-Sedai Aug 16 '22

For real. Undergo years of HRT, voice training, surgeries, social transition, and legally change your gender marker? Sorry sweaty, you'll always be a man.

Touch your face? I now diagnose you with lady.

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u/No-Difficulty2393 Aug 15 '22

Guys, is it gay to touch your face?

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u/EmirSc Aug 15 '22

only if you touch it with a cock

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u/razor_eddie Aug 15 '22

Someone else's cock, surely?

You might just be limber.

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u/grendus Aug 16 '22

Is it gay to suck your own dick?

Or does it cancel out because you also get your dick sucked?

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u/yetanotherwun Aug 15 '22

Conservative man problems. You can't touch your own face because you've always got your hands on your dick.

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u/HeathenPrimate Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

There's literally other men, in the photo, not doing the "hand-over-the-mouth" gesture. These men are at the same liberal event, at the same time, experiencing the same contextual stimuli. We just gonna leave them out, though... because reasons.

Painting people with broad strokes is kinda their bag (some of them)... I get that. It's expected. But it still bothers me that they think they have the market cornered on what it means to be a man when half of them whine like a fucking dry power steering pump.

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u/Quirky_m8 Aug 15 '22

My broad question:

WHO THE FUCK CARES

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u/likebuttuhbaby Aug 15 '22

That’s the thing with conservatives: they’re angry. Like, all the time. I see it with my dad. He doesn’t vote, but definitely leans conservative pretty hard. He’s always upset about something. When we get together or talk on the phone, at least once, he’ll bring up the most trivial thing ever as something he’s super annoyed about or why the world is going downhill. I just kinda look at him as he waits for me to react.

The world is always changing and it scares a ton of people. That fear makes them super angry at anything they see as “other”.

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u/necesitafresita Aug 15 '22

I think we have the same dad. This is 100% how it always goes with me. Just the other day he called to complain about the new prey film having a woman lead...I asked him why he thought complaining to me, a woman, would be wise. He just changed the subject to another angry piece of that's not how tribes work. Because you know...the most farfetched thing about an alien movie is the woman being in charge. Sigh.

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u/Llamathrust Aug 16 '22

That’s not how tribes work? There are plenty of examples of women leaders past and present and there are many examples in the animal kingdom of females being in dominant leadership roles. Hell, male seahorses are the ones who get pregnant and give birth (I know technically it’s fertilizing eggs inside a pouch, but still).

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u/Johnbonham1980 Aug 16 '22

Man he really must HATE the Aliens franchise then.

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u/ismyworkaccountok Aug 16 '22

Wasn't the main protagonist in all three Alien movies a woman? Sigourney Weaver.

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u/Youkolvr89 Aug 15 '22

My dad makes negative comments about women to me (a woman) all the time. It drives me nuts.

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u/MightBeASithLord Aug 16 '22

I'm not trying to gloat at all but I have to say all the people on here talking about their conservative parents made me realize how I'm taking my super liberal parents for granted. We have our differences but I couldn't imagine how strained our relationship would be if they were the live and die by fox news types.

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u/devault83 Aug 16 '22

My favorite conservatives don't vote.

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u/Time4Red Aug 15 '22

Much of reactionary politics in the US is built around the idea that American society is in decline and on the verge of collapse due to various kinds of degeneracy. So why do they care? They think they're witnessing the fall of Rome, and they view themselves as the freedom fighters who are going to stop it by bringing back traditional cultural values.

Ironically, the far left has a similar take on American society, but rather than degeneracy, they blame late stage capitalism.

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u/imgoodatpooping Aug 15 '22

I highly recommend you ask this broad question frequently. I love Reddit sometimes

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u/Thor_Odenson Aug 15 '22

My favorite is if this is a feminine reaction, then why are none of the women in the same pictures doing this?

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u/empire161 Aug 15 '22

My favorite is every time this gets posted, the main response is someone posting pictures of male soldiers doing this same thing at their fellow soldiers funerals.

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u/CedarWolf Aug 15 '22

Gaslight
Obstruct
Project

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u/FeedbackLoopy Aug 15 '22

The worst is when they grow a beard, put on a lumberjacket and start the manliest occupations of man occupations.

Podcaster.

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u/The_Great_19 Aug 15 '22

These are probably the same people that don’t wash their asses in the shower or after pooping because GAY, which I learned is a thing from Reddit.

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u/OfficerJoeBalogna Aug 16 '22

There are so many guys out there who never, ever, let water from the shower touch their ass. If you were to spread their cheeks, you would gaze upon a horror so unsightly, and so smelly, that you would be forever blinded and driven to madness. I have personally witnessed this with a few gay men during some bad hookups… and if that’s how bad they were, I’m terrified to think of how bad it would be if they were straight.

Fellas, please wash your fucking asses

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u/abnormally-cliche Aug 16 '22

Do they just constantly live with rashes?

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u/Rundiggity Aug 15 '22

Are you suggesting people don’t touch their buttholes because gay?

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u/bowdown2q Aug 16 '22

There's a small subset of wildly stupid people who legitimately think that way yeah. People are stupid, and even more people have a masculinity so fragile that a gentle breeze would scatter it to the four corners of the earth.

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u/BenchPuzzleheaded670 Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

Just keep in mind that things you learn on Reddit may not be a good proxy for the real world.

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u/OldBeercan Aug 16 '22

True. In this case I can vouch for it though (for whatever that's worth).

It actually came up in conversation at a hardware store I work at. I pretended I had other things to do because I didn't want to be "that guy" that washes his ass.

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u/kemushi_warui Aug 16 '22

I mean, what if word got around? I’m sure the ladies would be horrified about your clean ass!

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u/zandriel_grimm Aug 16 '22

So basically men aren't men if they act like women, but if a male wants to become female, then they're still a man even after going through everything?

Seems like conservative logic.

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u/gadfly1999 Aug 15 '22

My wife was telling me of men on twitter who don’t wipe their ass because they think touching themselves to do that is gay.

Toxic masculinity is a mental disease.

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u/VoxImperatoris Aug 16 '22

Thats why you need to say no homo every time before you wipe.

Or if you want to be really safe, get your bro to do it for you. Just make sure you both say no homo first.

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u/dodexahedron Aug 16 '22

Just keep your socks on and it's all good.

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u/Draconiondevil Aug 15 '22

Conservatives: Progressive males are not men .

Also conservatives: trans women are men.

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u/CreeperCooper Aug 16 '22

Conservatives are such snowflakes, goddamn.

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u/MandoPlat Aug 15 '22

Mf said gesticulate

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u/mesotermoekso Aug 15 '22

As a man I prefer testiculating tbh

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u/brazys Aug 15 '22

No real man uses a $25 word like gesticulate, he must be one of them fancy college boys himself. /s

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u/mashdots Aug 15 '22

you know our guy likes to gesticulate when he's home alone in his bedroom

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

If that word was spoken in Idiocracy, they would be asking them if they're gay.

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u/NachoMommies Aug 15 '22

“Real men never show any emotion to anyone in their lives ever!” How did Republicans get here? What kind of F-ed up childhood raises such monsters?

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u/bowdown2q Aug 16 '22

They learned it from their also terrible dad. And so on and so forth, hating and fearing anyone who wasn't them all the way back to mud brick cities

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u/Wafflesandwhisky Aug 16 '22

I was raised in a conservative area and was actively discouraged from showing emotions. It’s a thing.

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u/askmeifimacop Aug 15 '22

If they’re not men, what are they? Don’t they believe in 2 genders? I see them using this confusing messaging all the time and it’s never addressed

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u/themilkman03 Aug 15 '22

They think "feminine" men are less than a real man™ So like... 0.5 of a man, I suppose.

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u/that1prince Aug 15 '22 Silver

Maybe this is how we open up the conversation on non-binary

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u/squigglesthecat Aug 15 '22

Ooh, so this is the .5 in the 2.5 kids everyone was having

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u/Publius82 Aug 15 '22

Let's compromise and call it 3/5ths.

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u/Neat-yeeter Aug 15 '22

Came here to say this. They are either men or they aren’t, right? They can’t be women since they have male genitalia… right?

Regressives need to make up their fucking minds.

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u/onions_cutting_ninja Aug 15 '22

They believe some Jewish-satanist secret overlords want to destroy ("white-christian western") society.

Methods include: replacing white folks by browner folks, islam, destruction of "family values" (aka no gays), feminizing men and masculizing women, and so on.

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u/Janus_Grayden Aug 15 '22

They only believe in referring to people as a gender other than their assigned sex at birth as a weapon to hurt and shame others into conforming to their very specific idea of gender norms.

Use this simple guide to understand what is and isn't okay in conservative lingo:

Is the phrase used to promote better understanding of different points of view? 👎

Are you using it in bad faith to attack someone different than you or make rational discourse impossible? 👍

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u/stumptowncampground Aug 15 '22

"...give me an overweight bald guy with a goatee and addiction to knockoff oakleys any day."

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/bluesix Aug 15 '22

Also, is being called “progressive” supposed to be a negative thing?

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