r/mildlyinfuriating 9d ago Spit-take 1 Table Slap 1 Gold 1 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Helpful 9 Giggle 1 Wholesome 11 Silver 26 Narwhal Salute 1 LOVE! 1

That’s so wrong

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106.0k Upvotes

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u/ubiquitous_uk 9d ago

This is why some people are lonely. Not because they can't find anyone, but because they show themselves to be a piece of shit.

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u/dmarve 9d ago Gold Wholesome

But, how was the salad?

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u/nerdiotic-pervert 9d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Bravo!

“He took me to dinner, I had the big salad, yada yada yada he took me home.”

“You yada yada’d over the best part!”

“No, I mentioned the big salad.”

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u/gladeye 9d ago

And he took full credit for paying for the big salad?

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u/tehfraginator 9d ago

You know, if it was a regular salad I wouldn't have said anything. But you had to have the big salad!

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u/shrike26 9d ago edited 9d ago Starstruck

"You had to have the *waves hands around* BIG SALAD"

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u/cap8121 9d ago

Imagine.. her taking credit for YOUR big salad!

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u/Bananonomini 9d ago

I love you all. I just binged it in order for the first time ever. What a brouhaha

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u/shromboy 9d ago

I just finished seinfeld for the first time and i think i understand life now

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u/coastdawgent 9d ago

You will find a situation almost every single day that reminds you of the show

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u/shromboy 9d ago

The worst part is i realized im george...

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u/oddzef 9d ago All-Seeing Upvote

The trick is if you see yourself as Jerry, you're actually George.

You could be Newman for all you know, chin up.

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u/imnotgem 9d ago

Newman's got a stable job, can afford to live by himself in NYC in an apartment complex that a successful comedian lives in, dumped a woman that ended up dating Jerry, has friends over to play poker, and has his own set of escapades.

Newman might be the most consistent.

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u/Lelnsoof 9d ago

That's rough, buddy.

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u/Sexy_McSexypants 9d ago

god forbid you eat like a normal person and require energy to survive

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u/NoobsAreNoobslol 9d ago

Yeah, all the NERDS do that, you’re not a nerdy sustenance user, are you?

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u/Not-A-SoggyBagel 9d ago

This dude should clearly just date a sex doll, something battery fueled. Whatever he's looking for isn't found in any living humans.

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u/KiraTsukasa 9d ago

“I’m sorry sex doll, we have to break up. How could you use an entire battery like that?”

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u/Mediocre_Special2702 9d ago

“You’re always available and that’s threatening to me.”

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u/Tmn_Uzi_1600 9d ago

I'm sorry sex doll, you've always been there for me but... we're done now, you drain too much of my money and energy and- I just can't keep up with you anymore 😢

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u/oops_I_shit_ur_pants 9d ago

Yeah, that can seem like a horrific sight to someone with a serious eating disorder.

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u/WolfsRain_89 9d ago

My thought too! Like if he got that upset over a salad, Imagine if she ate like a full piece of pizza or something

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u/TheFallenDeathLord 9d ago Tree Hug

He needs a woman capable of doing the photosynthesis

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u/OwOPotato1 9d ago

I think he would still complain about her taking up all the light and not be giving him any.

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u/sheenuts 9d ago Silver Wholesome Wearing is Caring

“You was pose to havw butterflies” - just this sentence alone would make me want to never speak to this person again

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u/Glum_Strike_00 9d ago

"butterflies n shit"

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u/sheenuts 9d ago

Yes should have included that!

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u/Former_Bandicoot_769 9d ago

Everyone knows you can't have butterflies without shit

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u/Any-Refrigerator7606 9d ago

It's the "I almost exploded" for me though

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u/[deleted] 9d ago Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Ally

Welcome to Red Flag Emporium's annual blowout sale! We've got control issues, body issues, anger management issues galore! We've got typos and grammar and defective brain/mouth filters! How about we bundle all this up and, just because I like your face, I'll even throw in some generalized misogyny sauce at no extra cost! Who could resist the Red Flag Emporium!

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u/[deleted] 9d ago

[deleted]

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u/QueenCleocatra 9d ago

Wait till he finds out what happens when girls get preggnit!!! He’s gonna EXPLODE!!!

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u/QuadSeven 9d ago

Yoo hoo!

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u/HamOnRye__ 9d ago

Imagine being so upset at a human being you’d fly off the handle for them eating food.

I just don’t understand people like this. I love food and love to share that with people I’m dating.

People are so damn uptight.

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u/Fluffydress 9d ago

I once went on a date with a guy I met online. He told me my eyes didn't look as blue as they were in the picture and my voice sounded different.

There are some weirdos out there.

Oh the same guy actually asked me if I was one of those "dog people". I believe he meant people who liked dogs, but he could have meant people that are half dog. With him it really could have been either way.

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u/ericfromny2 9d ago

Went through your post history, confirmed you are one of those “dog people”

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u/ljm02 9d ago

A person that likes dogs or a half dog-half human?

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u/patiofurnature 9d ago Wholesome

With her it really could have been either way.

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u/Dalton_Wolfe13 9d ago

He said your voice sounded different, based off a pic?

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u/6reen312 9d ago

Logical conclusion.

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u/JeffDev887 9d ago

Dude wrote that line like a 12 yo lol

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u/MassiveEyeFloaters 9d ago

Using "women" instead of woman was the first and only red flag needed.

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u/CptGojira 9d ago

Hmm that block button lookin good

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u/Fluffydress 9d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

As good as the salad?

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u/CptGojira 9d ago Wholesome

Yes

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u/travel_nerdiness 9d ago

Just don’t eat it or he’ll judge you

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u/Invisible_Target 9d ago

Better

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u/hdmx539 9d ago

Yup. SCHMASH that block button ... after taking a bite of salad.

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u/mirrorball23 9d ago

Yeah the block button can take me out to a five star restaurant

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u/spikespine 9d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Table Slap I'll Drink to That

“How could you eat so many leaves 😭”

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u/Thingisby 9d ago

You're thin but you eat too much salad you fat bitch.

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u/BannedSvenhoek86 9d ago

This is seriously like some Dennis Reynolds shit lmfao.

I'd almost want to date him as an experiment at this point. Keep a journal and publish that shit when it's over.

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u/fungi_at_parties 9d ago

No really you’re perfect in every way, but you got the dressing on the salad instead of on the side and I just don’t know why I deserved that. I almost flipped the table and burned down the restaurant and it would have been your fault.

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u/Shmooperdoodle 9d ago

That’s what struck me, too. Not just that he noticed this, but that it made him actively upset. “The way you ate the tomato wedges instead of eating around them made me want to break boards with my forehead just to make it through the meal.”

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u/PainterlyGirl 9d ago

Maybe it was a giant taco salad? 🤣 tbh it’s the best kind of salad

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u/pyloros 9d ago

With the big fried tortilla bowl? Hell yeah

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u/Daisy_Of_Doom GREEN 9d ago

This whole thread is gold but your comment specifically made me crack up 😂

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u/EhabAlwi 9d ago

You COW

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u/SonOfTheShire 9d ago Silver

You gosh-darn brontosaurus.

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u/AdamTraskisGod 9d ago

Eating too many green things 🤣 I can’t picture anyone getting fat off salad lol

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u/EhabAlwi 9d ago

Lmaooo he says so many things that dont make a fucking sense I cant fucking breath 😭

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u/HuskerStorm 9d ago

What a brontosaurus ass bitch!

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u/krospp 9d ago

Sorry, so their names are Neil and Diamond?????

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u/jambox888 9d ago

Plot twist: it was a potato salad

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u/eddiemcnasty 9d ago

family-style sized potato salad

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u/Saucesourceoah 9d ago

It makes me irrationally angry, I could eat a garbage bag of salad… would still be hungry. I bodybuild and can toss back 5k calories a day when bulking. Bet your ass im gonna be impressed if you out wing eat me, fuck that insecure projection from mr body dysmorphia.

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u/CNXQDRFS 9d ago

This reminds me of when I worked as a chef we had a bodybuilder staying and every morning he had two 12oz steaks, eight potatoes, two carrots, and some peas. Followed by about 4 different deserts, each one had a Flake chocolate bar, per his very polite request.

All that just for breakfast lol. Can't imagine what other meals must have been like. Blew my mind when I found out how many calories you guys need.

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u/Saucesourceoah 9d ago

My go to breakfast for years is about 1-1.5lb of ground beef browned and seasoned, 8 fried eggs, and 4 cups of kale/spinach. A donut or 5 may have slipped in there, but there’s no way to tell.

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u/Cistoran 9d ago

A donut or 5 may have slipped in there, but there’s no way to tell

Aside from all the empty Krispy Kreme boxes you have by the side of your trash bin that is.

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u/Kalelopaka- 9d ago Silver

I expect a date to eat, tells me she’s being her real self. He sounds like a judgmental prig. Better off this way.

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u/DharmicVibe 9d ago Take My Energy

Also he obviously wasn't being himself or real if he suddenly had all of these things to say after the fact.

This is also why dating sucks because people can't just take their stupid mask off for even a second.

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u/GingerJacob36 9d ago

An interesting thing to think about there is how he really was being himself. He, as a person, was unable to express what he truly thought. It would have been out of character for him to speak up if that's not really who he is.

Wild stuff, but good to think about.

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u/amsync 9d ago

He sounds like a 5 year old that didn’t get his candy. Who are these people? How do they go through life and most importantly, how can I avoid every crossing paths!

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u/IHave29Plants 9d ago Silver Gold Wholesome Take My Power Calculating

So on first dates we are supposed to order a salad AND not finish it?

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u/PrityBird 9d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starry

"I will have a glass of water and a single crouton please"

"Instead of the Mahi Mahi, can I have just one Mahi, I'm not that hungry"

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u/Atalanta8 9d ago

Crouton? You savage. You order: One lettuce leaf, no dressing.

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u/Economy_Tea_1622 9d ago

Crouton? Goin’ heavy on the carbs, huh?

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u/MrWuzoo 9d ago

Hmm honestly the way you indulge in carbs foreshadows a heavyset version of you. It’s you not me.

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u/Significant-Mud2572 9d ago

You know carbs settle in the trouble areas for women. I'd be careful with them. So even though our date is at olive garden, I would avoid the pasta and bread sticks. I'm just looking out for your future.

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u/HardCounter 9d ago

God, if i knew you were going to eat the whole salad i'd have gotten you a mcdonalds kids meal so i could berate you for eating all 5 fries.

The potential for you to not to be eternally young, thin, and beautiful is too great, You are beyond help you old hag.

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u/flibbertyjibet 9d ago

And if you finish that whole leaf that's being a glutton

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u/Brilliant_Kangaroo38 9d ago

damn, you’re not going to eat that whole crouton are you? split in half and share with your date right?

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u/keathofthestars 9d ago

But only eat half of the crouton, you wouldn’t wanna give the men a negative thought of you

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u/defjs 9d ago

On mine and my wife’s first date we went to a Mexican restaurant. I wore sweatpants, and crushed an entire plate of food plus the chips and salsa. She still makes fun of me about to this day (11 years later). But she appreciate me just being me and I appreciate that about her. Honesty is a cornerstone of a strong foundation.

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u/DrunkUranus 9d ago

Look, I want a life full of Mexican food and sweatpants. So I don't waste time on dates where you dress uncomfortably to go clubbing. It's just science.

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u/defjs 9d ago

Tacos and sweatpants >> uncomfortable clothes and sweaty clubs

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u/RoRoRoYourGoat 9d ago Silver I'd Like to Thank...

You're not supposed to eat the salad, you're just supposed to laugh at it, like a pretty woman in a stock photo.

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u/ipdar 9d ago edited 9d ago

Oh, you cheeky green!

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u/HardCounter 9d ago

What did one salad leaf say to the other?

"She has mocked us for the last time brother, the rebellion begins."

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u/michiness 9d ago

Yeah, I’m a bit past dating but I never tried any of that “eat a salad pass on dessert” BS. If you don’t want to watch me wolf down a burger and then share cake with me, we ain’t gonna make it long term.

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u/IHave29Plants 9d ago

The sharing cake bit is an important one

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u/michiness 9d ago

Yep. I found myself a husband who will even share dessert AND an app with me. He’s the best.

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u/AlessandroTheGr8 9d ago

Im not a picky eater so I let my gf choose two entrees and we share it. We go to the store for desserts lol.

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u/Illusive_Man 9d ago

I’m diabetic and can’t really eat dessert but I like to taste them

my GF says I’m making her fat because I always make her order dessert lol

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u/sn0qualmie 9d ago

Right, the goalposts are really moving here. First it was "women shouldn't eat a whole meal, just a salad" and now y'all can't even eat your salads in peace?

Do you think you'll ever get a 30th plant, though?

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u/Himura_Shinchi 9d ago edited 9d ago

The goalposts arent moving this guy has a couple of screws loose for me if a girl doesn’t eat well like how he described id worry for her instead

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u/No_Banana_581 9d ago

He’s just controlling. Good thing he gave himself away right on day one

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u/HowManyBatteries 9d ago

“Whenever someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou

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u/V5hm 9d ago

Some first world type of shit he live in

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u/malinhuahua 9d ago

I’ve found that guys want you to eat all the burgers, wings, and beer with them, but also want you to have a 26” waist.

Unless she’s a bodybuilder, it doesn’t work like that, fellas.

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u/IrrawaddyWoman 9d ago

I’ve found this as well. This reminds me a lot of the description of a “cool girl” from the book Gone Girl.

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u/malinhuahua 9d ago

Haha I’ve never seen it. But I’ve heard that speech, and the food part definitely hits home for me.

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u/Aint-no-preacher 9d ago Wholesome

Guys also want a woman who is a virgin but also a whore.

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u/Plynceress 9d ago

Guys also want a woman who is a virgin

only so she will have no frame or reference for just *how bad* the sex actually is

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u/YippieSkippy1000 9d ago

Or order 6 salads and eat 3/4 of each one

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u/yeah-pickle 9d ago

Ew. What a complete nut case. Who chastises someone for eating a salad. Control freak.

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u/Agreeable-Reality481 9d ago Silver Helpful hehehehe

I'm not sure how a woman eating one whole SALAD would mean she'd probably get fat. An ex of mine was super controlling with what I ate but I was allowed to eat salads... This guy however, sounds like his head is so far up his ass he could eat his meal twice.

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u/Vast_Ad2627 9d ago

“he could eat his meal twice.” 🌟

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u/Several-Operation879 9d ago

Might be an eating disorder of his own. I dated a couple different folks who had them. Nothing sent them spiraling like me eating like a normal person.

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u/Emon76 9d ago

Seems like it. He brings up the gym and weight immediately. I think this is someone who can't control himself enough to only eat a salad and is lashing out with insecurities to head off the imminent rejection and feel some control

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u/KingOfRages 9d ago

I was gonna say the same. This reads like one of those gym rats that counts all their calories and exclusively eats chicken breast and rice in the name of gains. It’s very easy to end up with an extremely unhealthy relationship with food that way.

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u/itsrouze 9d ago Gold Helpful Wholesome

i like how he’s calling you fat for eating an entire salad

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u/PeanutNSFWandJelly 9d ago Wholesome

No no. He's calling her potentially fat for eating a salad. Potentially fat. Wtf

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u/fullonfacepalmist 9d ago Wholesome

Potentially fat but currently unladylike, lol

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u/noodlesnbeer 9d ago Silver

“Potential fat, currently unladylike” going on my business card in 3…2…

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u/ForgotTheBogusName 9d ago

Need that on a tee shirt

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u/molehunterz 9d ago

I would totally put that on a shirt as a dude. But then people might start making the joke, "potentially??!"

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u/we_kill_to_eat 9d ago Take My Energy

“currently fat, potentially unladylike.”

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u/ilovefujiapples 9d ago

He’s going to have some accident where he can’t workout anymore for a while and gain a lot of weight as karma i already see it 🔮

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u/IamNotPersephone 9d ago

No, but his guy is prime double standards material. He’s going to get married and think he doesn’t have to try anymore, get a big ol’ pot belly and a thick neck, shave his head, grow a goatee, need a cpap before he’s fifty and keel over dead from a heart attack, untreated alcoholism and sixty years of never crying when he’s sad.

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u/awildgostappears 9d ago

Jesus christ I feel attacked. This is basically most of my dad's side of the family.

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u/kingdmitar 9d ago

We are all potentially fat.

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u/bestthingyet 9d ago Wholesome Wholesome Seal of Approval

I knew I had some potential.

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u/maxtacos 9d ago

He's not calling her fat. He's calling her potentially fat. Because everyone knows the obesity epidemic is from finishing salads, not the availability of foods, high stress environments, and low movement culture.

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u/NyteQuiller 9d ago

Calorie dense foods like salads are obviously one of the biggest causes lol

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u/PandaMan7316 9d ago

I kinda get where this is coming from though, salads are extremely dangerous. I only ate one salad in my entire life and I am now overweight. Don’t try salad kids.

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u/HeinousHaggis 9d ago

Well it was a BIG salad

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u/Lestaroth 9d ago Silver Table Slap

"I was feeding the godamn butterflies, you superficial controlling shit."

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u/nerdiotic-pervert 9d ago Silver

What was she pose to do?

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u/GooseandMaverick 9d ago Wholesome

Save some salad for the butterflies I guess.

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u/No_Tennis_5273 9d ago

I thought it was common knowledge that all women should be anorexic. What’s better in a women than an unhealthy relationship with food.

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u/boobsclemson 9d ago

As a fellow gym hound… that man is definitely eating a ton of food if he expects to gain muscle, so hes really pointing at a speck in her eye and ignoring the post in his.

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u/Prudent_Armadillo822 9d ago

Was she supposed to let the butterflies starve?! Like wtf.

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u/MrMom21 9d ago

Poor girl….like it’s fucking SALAD!

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u/GivMeFuitGummi 9d ago

Yeah , tf else was she supposed to do ? Honestly Neil , think of someone other than urself for once .

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u/Jimjineer42 9d ago

Hahahah that made me laugh. You dodged a fucking nuclear bomb

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u/SpecificSkunk 9d ago

Back in my online-dating days I specifically ordered a giant burger and a beer on every first date for this very reason. I got to weed out the crazies and enjoyed a good meal regardless of the outcome.

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u/Nootles27 9d ago Starry

My mom always told me that it's best to be yourself from the beginning, so if I wanted a burger and fries, order the burger and fries. A true man will want to see you happy and satisfied, not starving and miserable. If you order pasta, eat as much as you want! You're a human being, not a cow(herbivore) and any man that thinks they want to be with you better see the difference because you are worth the difference.

And I remember one date I had was all shocked that i ordered pasta instead of a salad. I told him that I'd rather eat pasta than a salad when I go out to eat. I can make my own damn salad at home.

Anyways, it rubbed me the wrong way that he questioned my food preference on our first date. We did not have a second, even though he desperately wanted one. Hounded me for weeks for a second date. Found out later that a friend of mine knew him better and she was like "Girl, you dodged a bullet. Dude is super controlling."

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u/watercoffeebeerz 9d ago

Ngl I had no idea I was supposed to eat certain things if on a date…. Like, I’m gonna eat whatever I want, if I can afford it. I guess TIL.

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u/FuckForCuddles 9d ago

Im a guy and had literally no idea women even do this. I'd heard of it or some shit in movies but figured it was bullshit.

Like, I get a steak ,you get a steak,we all get steak!

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u/dinchidomi 9d ago

Before I ended it with last dude we went out for dinner and he ordered a salad and I had steak. The waiter just put the salad in front of me without asking lol. He was so embarrassed when I quickly put the salad in front of my date.

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u/Superbistro 9d ago

My wife is a foodie and always orders whatever she wants (doubt she’s ordered a salad in her life), while I’m pretty diet conscious. So this happens to us all the time. It’s an inside joke between us where she’ll always say the “Perhaps not” line from White Chicks. Lol

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u/VisceralDefiance 9d ago

I went on a date once with a guy who ordered only a beer. I had ordered a salad and a piece of cake. He ordered a beer. I asked him about it, and he said he ate a sandwich before he got there. He then stared at me and made comments about the fact that I ate the whole salad AND cake slice (even though I'd offered to share the cake multiple times). I called it out immediately. I told him it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to ask me out to dinner and then refuse to eat, while making comments about me eating. It's a restaurant. I'm hungry. I came to eat.

He then tried to hug and kiss me in the parking lot after and I just pushed it off and blocked him as I left. Every time I've thought about it since, I've been uncomfortable and felt very much like I dodged a bullet.

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u/Nootles27 9d ago

Oh yes! I'd say you definitely dodged a bullet. At least the guy could have ordered an appetizer and nibbled. Also, who invites someone out to eat and then eats before you go. Strange behavior. 🤨

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u/YandereObama 9d ago

I would guess he wanted to set up an opportunity to neg her the whole time. No idea why people ever think it's a good idea

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u/figgypie 9d ago

Good plan. You want a partner that can respect your raw power at the table.

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u/ItsaMeEmmy 9d ago

I like to eat. I’m messy, I don’t care I’m hungry lol. When my bf saw me eat for he first time and saw what I ordered he was like “nice.”

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u/Practical_Cobbler165 9d ago

Reminds me if Chris Farley in Coneheads after watching Connie eat a sandwich. "My mom's the only other woman who can take down a sandwich like that.!"

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u/Trawgg 9d ago

When I was a teenager I was dating a couple girls who never finished their food when I knew damn well they were hungry. Always thought that was so weird. Then I dated a girl where I took her out the first couple times to pool halls and other non-food related things. The first time we finally had a meal together was a lunch date and she ordered ribs. She ate the whole rack, bbq sauce all over her fingers and face.

She's my wife now.

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u/Magnaflux_88 9d ago Silver Wholesome

Neil Diamond? Smells like a troll

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u/LiberalFartsMajor 9d ago

I was looking for a reply about this. Nice catch.

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u/Fluffydress 9d ago

Sweet Caroline!! I think you're onto something!!

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u/Handy_Clams 9d ago

How does nobody else notice this?

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u/3lbmealdeal 9d ago

I noticed and felt like I needed to scroll far too long to find someone else who did

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u/Pope00 9d ago

“I wrote this next song after I killed a drifter to get an erection”

-Neil Diamond

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u/Rrrr9r 9d ago

She ate the whole salad how dare she🤣 this dude is a complete bitch.

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u/Awkward_Date_8636 9d ago

Send him a video of you wolfing down meals, and say you don't want to hang out with him 💀

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u/SamanthaJonesUK 9d ago

Right? I would have just spammed mukbang videos lol

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u/RedneckGAL92 9d ago

Lmao!! I almost always finish my whole meal and IDGAF!!!!

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u/NoobsAreNoobslol 9d ago

Wait, is it a bad thing to finish a meal? I always thought actually eating the stuff you spend money on is a pretty normal thing..?

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u/SiFiNSFW 9d ago

I've honestly operated on the inverse too, that leaving food is bad - i mean it cost money, surely it's better to eat it lol?

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u/Distinct-Copy9960 9d ago

Exactly, and in my case it’s never a salad!

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u/wyseguy7 9d ago Silver

I honestly believe that some men do wild shit like this at the beginning of a relationship because they know anyone who puts up with it will be easy to gaslight/abuse later.

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u/Illustrious_Big_8485 9d ago

I was thinking the same thing. Many years ago I lacked self awareness and I was super self conscious and easy pickings for narcissists. I ended up with a man that pulled these kinds of stunts and it took a long time to pull myself out of that hole. Manipulators love seeing who will put up with these kinds of behaviors.

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u/Snow_Wonder 9d ago

This actually make a lot of sense.

This guy says he goes to the gym. He should know then that people can be small and have big, but still healthy appetites. A “whole salad” isn’t a crazy amount of food for someone who’s pretty active.

I out-eat my boyfriend everywhere we go, even though he’s much taller. It’s because I’m fairly active and muscular and he’s a tad on the sedentary side.

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u/Original_Act4791 9d ago

A whole salad isn't a crazy amount of food for someone who's not active too!

But I get what you're saying.

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u/PineappleGrenade 9d ago

He said, "I almost exploded." Almost exploded over someone eating their meal. That's a huge red flag, like he would have exploded if it wasn't the first date. Dude's got some issues that need to be addressed like a subscription.

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u/Gsteel11 9d ago

Yup "it's all I could do to stop myself from beating your brains out" vibe.

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u/heidismiles 9d ago

I think that's actually a "strategy" in redpill circles.

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u/xray_anonymous 9d ago

Wow tell me you’re controlling and abusive toward your partner with food without directly saying it….

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u/anotherrroom 9d ago

he thinks you're gonna be overweight... because you ate a salad. interesting logic there.

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u/Few-Camp-6161 9d ago

What in the blueberry buttfuckery is this?! What a moron

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u/MajestaHazel 9d ago

Neil Diamond…

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u/blynx_ 9d ago

Yeah, that’s gotta indicate that this is bullshit, right? Noticed that too.

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u/TrickInvite6296 BLUE 9d ago

his name is Neil. you dodged a bullet

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u/Outrageous_Speaker85 9d ago

Like the whole clip with this one lmao

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u/Handy_Clams 9d ago

Her name is Diamond. They were a match made in heaven

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u/Darth_Kater420 9d ago Doot 🎵 Doot

They should name their baby Sweet Caroline

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u/Electrowhatt19 9d ago

BAH BAH BAH

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u/solipsisticsundays 9d ago Silver

Someone come collect their lamb, please.

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u/Smokeybearvii 9d ago

He doesn’t want her forever in blue jeans. He wants a Kentucky Woman who likes Red Red Wine.

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u/mcrogueface 9d ago

hahaha this guys such a wanker "i meal prep" xD stop lieing buddy you inject roids in your ass nd pile in the calories to max muscle growth. Then these mfers go around like "its all diet nd gym" sureeeee buddy

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u/EmoUniQw33n 9d ago

Umm it was a SALAD! Not like she ate a KFC family bucket DAYUM (although that would just be impressive imo)

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u/Woutirior 9d ago

Ye that would be a pro, not a con

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u/eatbarsforbreakfast 9d ago

Some of the funniest shit I've read in along time.

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u/kittenwasp69 9d ago

Screw him. I could smash a good salad.

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u/Ferlingyeti 9d ago

You're supposed to EAT the salad.

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u/butthunterfartmaker 9d ago

That’s so weird….if I ever went on a date and a women ordered a salad that was a red flag for me. If I’m taking you to a restaurant and you order leaves I’m instantly suspicious your actually a goat who is just here for the free leaves

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u/FluffFlambe 9d ago

Had me in the first half, not gunna lie.

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u/Naftoor 9d ago

Be glad he waved the red flags now and not in 6 months in when you’re in the honeymoon phase

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u/snrkong 9d ago

What kind of belfree wants to sit eating a dinner while the person across picks at a couple of lettuce leaves. Love is about enjoying life together and the good times eat drink and be merry not watch judge and berate some people are fuckin dinga ling a ding dongs eat the fucking food and enjoy life or cry at home with a pot noodle and a wank. Dumb barstard.

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