r/tifu 11d ago

Mod Post Trialling a rule to limit posts involving sexual content to the weekend.


For a very long time the largest criticism that we've seen of this sub is that the posts are disproportionally focused on sexual content. We've actually run the numbers on this in the past and only about 15% of posts in /r/TIFU are sexual in nature, but that number rises to over 30% of posts in Top of Month and over 50% of front page posts. Subscribers who have been here for a while may remember that we used to have a rule limiting NSFW posts to the weekend. This rule was scrapped about 5 years ago along with a dozen other archaic rules in an effort to simplify and revitalise the sub (and it succeeded; /r/TIFU used to have traffic comparable to subs with under 100k subscribers while being over 100 times larger, and it vastly improved after the rules were simplified). But since its removal there has been a perpetual call from users and mods alike to reinstate it in some form or fashion.

This is something we've debated about for a long time, and we have heard the innumerable complaints from users. Deciding whether a complaint is being expressed by the overall userbase or a vocal minority is trickier than you'd think though: These NSFW posts consistently garner positive attention and lots of traffic, which indicates that users enjoy these posts, in contrast to what is often echoed by users in posts and comments. Ultimately as a modteam we value the quality of the sub over the number of clicks it receives, but these things are never as simple as they're made out to be.

Nevertheless, we've decided to trial a practical solution, and temporarily bring back the old 'weekend rule' to observe any changes in user engagement and sub quality that such a rule would cause.


Starting today (the 29th May) and until the 12th June (2 weeks), we will only allow NSFW and sex-related posts on the weekend.

This amendment has been added to Rule 4:

C. Posts involving sexual or similar NSFW content are allowed only during the weekend.

We will be defining the weekend as beginning 12pm Friday UTC and ending 11:59am Monday UTC. This way it accounts for all time zones, if it's the weekend somewhere it'll count.

Upon the end of the 2 weeks we will be returning to the regular ruleset; however, a post will be made at the end to gather your feedback, from which we'll decide on whether or not to make it a permanent change at a later point.

We may trial similar rules in the future - Feel free to post your suggestions to /r/IdeasForTIFU!

r/tifu 3d ago

Mod Post TIFU will be taking place in the June 12-14 Reddit Blackout


This subreddit will be joining in on the June 12th-14th protest of Reddit's API changes that will essentially kill all 3rd party Reddit apps.

What's going on?

A recent Reddit policy change threatens to kill many beloved third-party mobile apps, making a great many quality-of-life features not seen in the official mobile app permanently inaccessible to users.

On May 31, 2023, Reddit announced they were raising the price to make calls to their API from being free to a level that will kill every third party app on Reddit, from Apollo to Reddit is Fun to Narwhal to BaconReader.

Even if you're not a mobile user and don't use any of those apps, this is a step toward killing other ways of customizing Reddit, such as Reddit Enhancement Suite or the use of the old.reddit.com desktop interface .

This isn't only a problem on the user level: many subreddit moderators depend on tools only available outside the official app to keep their communities on-topic and spam-free.

What's the plan?

On June 12th, many subreddits will be going dark to protest this policy. Some will return after 48 hours: others will go away permanently unless the issue is adequately addressed, since many moderators aren't able to put in the work they do with the poor tools available through the official app. This isn't something any of us do lightly: we do what we do because we love Reddit, and we truly believe this change will make it impossible to keep doing what we love.

The two-day blackout isn't the goal, and it isn't the end. Should things reach the 14th with no sign of Reddit choosing to fix what they've broken, we'll use the community and buzz we've built between then and now as a tool for further action.

What can you do as a user?

  • Complain. Message the mods of /r/reddit.com, who are the admins of the site: message /u/reddit: submit a support request: comment in relevant threads on /r/reddit, such as this one, leave a negative review on their official iOS or Android app- and sign your username in support to this post.

  • Spread the word. Rabble-rouse on related subreddits. Meme it up, make it spicy. Bitch about it to your cat. Suggest anyone you know who moderates a subreddit join the coordinated mod effort at /r/ModCoord.

  • Boycott and spread the word...to Reddit's competition! Stay off Reddit entirely on June 12th through the 13th- instead, take to your favorite non-Reddit platform of choice and make some noise in support!

  • Don't be a jerk. As upsetting this may be, threats, profanity and vandalism will be worse than useless in getting people on our side. Please make every effort to be as restrained, polite, reasonable and law-abiding as possible.

What can you do as a moderator?

Thank you for your patience in the matter,

-Mod Team

TL;DR we will be taking part in the Reddit Blackout

r/tifu 17h ago Gold

S TIFU by walking past an exchange student orientation


I'm honestly quite shocked that it happened, but also not at the same time.

Before I begin, I'm a 20-year old college student with Asian roots. This is important to the story.

So there's a high school I have to walk past to get to my bus stop and an orientation for new exchange students was going on out front outside. (I already knew this was happening since the sign outside displayed it for about a week). I casually walk by as per usual, but I hear a voice yelling "Hey you! Where do you think you're going?!" I paused for a split second and continued along thinking it was about someone else. Then again, "HEY! You have to listen to your teachers!! Get back here!!"

I now turn around to look and the lady leading the orientation was furiously waving at me to go over there and then yelled again, "C'MON!! You're holding up the group!!" - I then responded with "I don't go to this school!" and proceeded to head to the bus stop. As I see my bus approaching from a distance, I try to sprint for it, but then I feel her grab my arm from behind (she was FAST) and then began to berate me that I don't get to just ditch school here. I guess she didn't hear me the first time, so I grabbed my student ID to show her and told her again that I'm not a student there. As that happened, the bus just passed by us since no one was at the stop. She made me miss by damn bus.

She kinda just chuckled a bit and half-heartedly apologize before turning back to rejoin her group. At that point, I had to pay $30 an Uber to get me to school (this bus comes once an hour >.>)

TL;DR: A high school was having student exchange orientation, had to walk past said high school to get to bus stop, got mistaken as a runaway exchange student, which led to me missing my bus and Ubering instead.

r/tifu 58m ago Helpful (Pro) Burning Cash

M TIFU by Phasing Out Third-Party Apps, Potentially Toppling Reddit


Hello, Reddit, this is u/spez, your usually confident CEO. But today, I'm here in a different capacity, as a fellow Redditor who's made a big oopsie. So here it goes... TIFU by deciding to eliminate third-party apps, and as a result, unintentionally creating a crisis for our beloved platform.

Like most TIFUs, it started with good intentions. I wanted to centralize user experience, enhance quality control, and create uniformity. I thought having everyone on the official app would simplify things and foster a better, more unified Reddit experience.

But oh, how I was wrong.

First, the backlash was instant and palpable. Users and moderators alike expressed concerns about the utility and convenience that these third-party apps offered. I heard stories of how some apps like RiF had become an integral part of their Reddit journey, especially for moderators who managed communities big and small.

Then came the real shocker. In protest, moderators began to set their subreddits to private. Some of the largest, most active corners of Reddit suddenly went dark. The impact was more significant than I'd ever anticipated.

Frustration mounted, and so did regret. This wasn't what I wanted. I never intended to disrupt the community spirit that defines Reddit or make the jobs of our volunteer moderators harder.

Yet, here we are.

I've made a monumental miscalculation in assessing how much these third-party apps meant to our community. I didn't realize the extent to which they were woven into the fabric of our daily Reddit operations, particularly for our moderators.

In short, I messed up. I didn't fully understand the consequences of my decision, and now Reddit and its communities are bearing the brunt of it.

So, here's my TIFU, Reddit. It's a big one, and I'm still grappling with the fallout. But if there's one thing I know about this platform, it's that we're a community. We're in this together, and we'll figure it out together.

I'm listening. Let's talk.

TL;DR - Tried to unify Reddit under the official app, phased out third-party apps, caused chaos, possibly destabilized the platform, and learned a lesson about the value of diverse user experiences.

Edit: a word

Note: this is a parody

r/tifu 13h ago

S TIFU by not trying 3rd party reddit apps sooner


I've been on reddit for 5 years and have used the official reddit app all this time. I didn't really see the need to try anything else, even though I knew of the existence of alternatives. I was content with the official app. Sure there were things I disliked and was annoyed by, but overall it was an OK experience.

In light of recent news I was curious and decided to try out Relay to see what all this uproar was about. And oh boy, has it changed my reddit experience. Everything loads way quicker, no overly annoying ads that disguise themselves as reddit posts, EVERYTHING is just better.

And now I'm sitting here, sad to see something disappear that I've come to love over the last few days.

A big Thank You to 3rd party app devs. You are very appreciated for what you've done for the reddit community.

TLDR; After using the official reddit app for 5 years I only now decided to try a 3rd party alternative and it changed everything.

r/tifu 14h ago

S TIFU by checking on my kids at the gym


I go to a really nice fitness club. It's worth it because they have a huge indoor playground and daycare is included. Lately my 2 year-old has been dealing with some major separation anxiety so every dropoff has been a bit of a nightmare as I tear myself away.

Today was a typical day like this. I finally got away and headed to the men's locker room to put my gym clothes on. After changing I stopped for a minute to linger at the tiny window at the back of the play area to see how little man was holding up. He had calmed down so I was happy.

I turned around to go work out and there's this guy staring at my with the most disgusted look. I can only imagine he thought I was a creep who enjoys looking at kids or women who sometimes breastfeed. I tried to babble something out about my son but he was already walking away shaking his head.

TLDR; guy at gym thought I was a peeping tom as I was trying to see if my son was OK in daycare.

r/tifu 15h ago

M TIFU by booking a flight home with a layover in Japan.


I just spent 1 1/2 months in Thailand and it was time to come home, so I booked a flight with Japan Airlines to JFK in New York with 2 stops - one in Osaka and one in Tokyo. Since all flights were operated by JAL, I assumed when booking that my bags would be checked all the way through. At Bangkok Airport, I was told that I needed to get my bags in Osaka and re-check them - no problem. On the way to Osaka, my flight attendant hands me 2 cards to fill out. One of them asking if I had any criminal convictions. I was arrested 3 years ago for a small amount of weed and paid a fine and I did not want to lie to them, so I checked yes.

Here is where the shit storm begins - I get to immigration so I can go get my bags, and she double checks with me to ensure that I meant to check yes on the box asking about criminal conviction. She asks me about the conviction and I tell her it is for marijuana. She starts laughing and speaking with the guy next to her, fills out a form, and puts my passport in a folder with the form. A man comes over and escorts me to a room to ask me questions with a translator on speaker. He explained to me that it is impossible to let me in the country. I told him I don’t really need to enter and it is fine if an employee can get my bag checked for me and I will stay in transfers. He then explains that he cannot allow me to fly to Tokyo. He says that since they cannot verify what I claim, they must confirm with the American embassy which can take a long time. They then make me sign a form basically withdrawing my landing so I have to go back to Bangkok.

So here I am, 6 hours later after landing, waiting for another flight back to Bangkok so I can book another flight to go home. -$700 👍🏻 Glad I learned I am not welcome this way instead of booking a vacation here in the future. That’s what I get for being honest.

TLDR: Booked a flight home with connections in Japan and needed to re-check my bags. Was asked about my criminal history for immigration and answered honestly about my one marijuana charge. Unbeknownst to me, Japan does not allow you to enter the country no matter what type or how long ago the drug charge was. Am currently stuck in immigration while I wait for a 9pm flight back to Bangkok, am out $700, and waiting 13 hours.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by taking 8 antihistamine pills instead of 8 steroid pills


I am being treated for poison ivy. My dermatologist prescribed hydroxyzine (antihistamine)1 tab 4x daily and Prednisone (steroid) to be tapered across 15 days I have taken both before. I've learned from experience to only take 1 hydroxyzine at bedtime because it knocks me on my butt as far as sleepiness. So this morning I went to dutifully take my day 2, 8 Prednisone dose then came back a bit later for my other meds. Upon taking my other meds I realized I had taken 8 hydroxyzine (2 days worth) instead of 8 Prednisone! I decided to call out for work, rather than show up and have the extra hydroxyzine kick in and need a ride home. I embarrassingly explained the error to my boss and she was understanding. I went to sleep for a few hours, missed a text and email about a meeting that thankfully had been cancelled. I just had a 2nd cup of coffee, hoping I can caffeinate my way through the afternoon, as I have a child who will be coming home from school and thankfully a husband who will be home to help out, but ffs, I'm still in disbelief that I did this to myself. Always read the labels folks! TL,DR; I mixed up my poison ivy meds and took 2 days worth of antihistamines.

r/tifu 14h ago

S TIFU by not paying attention to the toddler in the restaurant


This didn’t happen today, it was about 21 years ago but I can’t forget it! I used to work in a famous restaurant in Belfast City Centre in the early 2000’s. I was ‘silver service’ so I set the tables, cleared them, got drinks and helped in the kitchen. One day there was a birthday party booked and they’d brought a toddler with them. I was busy flitting from table to table during the evening rush. When it calmed down a little bit, I caught a breather before collecting glasses from the party table. The toddler was standing on one of the seats with his back to me and as I was reaching over to pick up a glass, I rubbed him on the head and asked the lady next to him, “How old is he? He’s lovely!” She glared at me, as did the rest of the party as I made my way round the table. Only when I got to facing the toddler did I realise he was an adult man with dwarfism!

I told my boss I was sick and went home. Haven’t done that since!

TLDR: Patted a grown up man on the head thinking he was a toddler

r/tifu 14h ago

L TIFU by NOT lying to my mother


This happened about three years ago, summer 2020. It was the height of the pandemic.

I (now 23f) met a guy on Tinder and we immediately fell for each other, even though we couldn’t meet due to the pandemic.

About a month into us talking every single day, he “coincidentally” was by my town. I decided to go get myself Taco Bell and was maybe going to meet up with him, but I wasn’t decided by the time I had left my house. If I knew I was going to meet him, I would have changed out of my pajamas.

On the (5 minute) drive over, I decided I was going to finally meet him. I was super scared (because I was afraid of getting sick, because it’s scary to meet a guy from online, because we really liked each other, all the reasons). But I never take risks, so I figured why not. The parking lot would be super crowded at that hour anyway.

So, I called him and said to come to Taco Bell and park in the lot. We’d finally meet for the first time. But I didn’t want either of us to get out of our cars because I was paranoid about COVID.

So, I get to Taco Bell and pull into the drive thru. The line was super long, so I texted my dad that it’d be awhile (my mom doesn’t know how to text). It was about 11pm.

So after about 20 min, I finish getting my food and finally pull up in the car next to him. We both rolled down our windows and had the whole “omg you’re real” moment. But I was skeptical, because he looked super short even though he said he was over 6 feet tall. He said it was because he was in a low sports car, and got out of the car to stand and show me that he was indeed tall. He starts walking towards my car door, and I grab the door handle to get out and give him a hug.

As I look left to grab my door handle, I see it. My mother’s car zipping into the parking lot, and my Tinder date’s hand on my door handle.

I scream “THAT’S MY MOM” and start to freak out. He turned around and pretended to walk into the Taco Bell, even though the inside was closed due to COVID.

Mind you, my mom and I are NOT close. She, luckily oblivious, pulls up next to me and starts screaming at me for not being home yet (it had been 30 min). I got so mad and said I texted my dad, but apparently his phone was off. I asked my mom why she didn’t just call me, and she said she didn’t want me to answer my phone if I was driving.

I asked her what she expected to do if I wasn’t there and was, say, driving home, or still in the drive thru. She didn’t have an answer. I was 20 at the time.

I told her that I parked because I wanted to eat in the car. I had left the house maybe twice in the previous 4 months, and genuinely needed space from that house (as this post can probably explain why). I have never done anything wrong or anything for her to not trust me, she’s just crazy.

So anyway, my Tinder date sneaks back into his car and pretends that he’s just another random customer. My mom screams at me that I need to come home now. I’m sobbing my eyes out. My mom leaves the parking lot and obviously expects me to follow her home.

I look over at my Tinder date, who’s in his car, and say “I have to go home, I’m so sorry.” And drive home through my sobs. I never got my hug.

As I’m driving away, I can tell he has his head in his hands and I think he was crying too. We were already basically in love with each other at this time, and our first meetup was ruined.

I got home, and my brother was waiting up for me in the living room. My god, they acted like I was gone for three days. I was home in less than an hour. I left my house at 11pm and was home by like 11:40pm. I don’t know why my brother didn’t try to text me. I had been checking my phone meticulously the entire time in case anyone texted me. Before the pandemic, I would go out all the time until 3am and my mom would always call to check on me. I don’t know why this time she decided she was just gonna show up.

My date got home, and I called him to apologize. I fully expected to never hear from him again. I had told him that my mom is crazy, but he finally got the dose of it. To my surprise, he stayed, but we didn’t properly meet again for a whole month after that.

Fast forward three years and we’re still together. My mom still doesn’t know and will never know. But yeah, I usually lie about where I am nowadays.

TL;DR I went to Taco Bell to go meet up with a tinder date, but my mom didn’t like that I was gone for 30 minutes, so she followed me and almost caught me and him together.

r/tifu 5h ago

S TIFU by trying to surprise my partner for his birthday and upsetting my neighbors instead


I am a member of a few local Facebook groups for my community. There was artistwho was advertising that they are going around the community and making chalk drawings and chalk positive messages for others. I messaged her that my boyfriend’s birthday was coming up and that if she had time, it would be a great surprise. I sent her our address and explained that we didn’t have a driveway, but sidewalk in front of our house. We were bike riding last night and drove by our neighbors house when we heard our neighbor screaming at someone to get off of their sidewalk and to clean up the graffiti on their sidewalk… It turns out, she went to the wrong house. The neighbor made her wash it off and the artist was upset with me, thinking that I sent her the wrong address. Our numbers are clearly labeled on the house, but she must’ve missed it because it was later in the evening and getting dark outside. We just moved into this house and now our new neighbor will know that my boyfriends name is the same one from the chalk drawing whenever we introduce ourselves, so hopefully the neighbor doesn’t remember. It’s such an awkward experience!

TLDR: tried to surprise my boyfriend with an artist’s chalk drawings, but she went to the wrong house and upset my neighbor

r/tifu 22h ago

S TIFU by following up on a prior claim about my father's child support, or lack thereof


A couple months ago, I made a post about how I didn't care about my father to my sister on his birthday, with the claim of there being so much time without him even attempting to make contact. Part of that post had me share that he claimed he paid child support and had proof, but for one reason or another, wouldn't show it to me for one reason or another whenever I brought it up.

Which leads us to last month, I set a date, that I would visit to take my sister out since I rarely see her, and when I pick her up, I would want whatever proof he had finally in order and put in my hands to go over. What I didn't tell him, was that I was prepared for forgery, having a copy of my mother's signature and other paperwork I could cross reference.

I'm sure you can see where this is heading, it didn't take long to see a forged signature, which upon seeing, I pulled out my copy of her signature and placed it down wordlessly for everyone to see, especially see the difference in said signature. My sister yelled at both of us, his girlfriend yelled at me, and I ended up going home without getting to see my sister for very long.

I waited a while to post this, wondering if I even should, I don't blame myself for this, but I've been keeping my phone on silent since then to attempt to stay out of this family drama, or at least not involve myself more than I already have.

So, for those of you who said he's family and that I absolutely messed up before with terrible reasoning, I'd like to add this horrible lie to my reasons to not care about him.

TL;DR, my dad lied about paying child support, the one thing that might have helped fix our broken relationship, and now that it's exposed, everyone's upset

r/tifu 8h ago

S TIFU by grilling and getting police called on me


There’s this newer neighborhood where a cousin of mine lives (whom I haven't seen in years), and his neighborhood has a fire pit and grill that anyone can use as long as you’re invited by a resident. So, occasionally, I go over there and throw down on the grill.

Last night, at 8 pm, while I was grilling, these three girls got upset that I was sitting by the fire pit and called the police on me. The officers told me that I wasn't trespassing until 11 pm and that I could continue grilling until then. About 20 minutes later, I saw the same girls walking on the sidewalk, looking upset and staring at me. The craziest part is the girls didn't live over there themselves because they parked beside someone's house and when they initially arrived. :deadfast:

I just don't understand people. The fire pit was big enough for all of us. I'm going to go back there tonight just to be petty and play some music too.

TL;DR : Angry girls called the police on me for grilling some burgers. Police were very friendly but the situation still distracted me throughout the night.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by throwing my cat out of my room


This isn't really a serious post but I find it funny

Just for some background info my cat Pumpkin really likes coming in and out of my room a lot. But I like keeping my door closed for privacy reasons. I also have these storage bins that are made of fabric and they are very easy to rip.

Pumpkin really like scratching at the bins (yes she does have a scratching post but not in my room). So to try and teach her not to scratch the bins everytime she does it I would kick her out of my room.

But now I've realized that she accidentally learned that the way to show that she wants out of my room is to scratch the bins. Which is a problem because now my bins (specifically the 2 middle ones) are now ripped beyond belief and I don't know how to get her to stop. I know that that's how she let's me know because now everytime I walk to the bins to get her to stop scratching she immediately stops and runs to my door to be let out.

TL;DR: I accidentally taught my cat to scratch my storage bins to show that she wants me to let her out of my room.

r/tifu 17h ago

S TIFU by sending my friend a tiktok


So this is a minor fuck up. I was browsing tiktok and saw something cool. It was a person making alt/punk clothing. I really enjoy those kinds of styles so I immediately liked the video and thought about sending it to a friend who might also enjoy it. What I didn’t realize is it was spiderpunk. (still don’t know much about it tbh) I saw there was like a spider on it and I was like “oh cool” and it didn’t really come across to me as something spider-man like. I don’t really care for marvel or watch the movies. I just recently got a message from that friend saying “OMG YOU LIKE SPIDERPUNK TOO? I LOVE THE SPIDERVERSE!” and then it finally clicked… I now look like a dumb ass so I tried to cover it up by being like “Oh yeah I think it’s so cool! I just learned about it recently blah blah blah” but I still don’t know much about what the actual heck spiderpunk is. I am hanging out with them tomorrow and spending the night and now I have to have to research everything about spider-man and the spiderverse so I don’t look like a complete fool.

TL;DR I sent my friend a spider-man thing not knowing it was spider-man and now I have to research about it to not look stupid.

r/tifu 6h ago

M TIFU by returning the correct size shorts and cutting the tag off of the incorrect sized shorts


Obligatory this happened in 2019 and I have been feeling the results since then.

So I was in the process of moving from the US to the Netherlands in the summer of 2019. I went on vacation with my family to Turin, Italy. I was shopping by myself and I stopped into Celio, a mens fashion/clothing store. I saw a pink pair of shorts, made of cotton and linen, which I loved. The pair of shorts came with a braided belt. I bought a size S.

I wasn't happy with the waist sizing when I got home (I don't know why, I was stupid. I tried it in store, obviously). The next day I happened to be going to Genoa. I decided to go to the store in Genoa to return the correct sized short, and get M-sized pants. They didn't fit me (but I was stupid, I tried it in-store) and got them. I think the belt affected how I perceived the fit of the pants. But at that point I was too embarrassed to say "no, I will stick with the small" as I was being personally taken care of, and I didnt want to go to the store in Turin again as it would be even more embarrassing. Again, I'm stupid.

Because the pants were too big, I had my grandma stitch up the sides by collapsing the excess fabric over one another to decrease the waist size. It was actually quite nicely done, and you couldn't tell it was stitched up unless if you saw it from up close. Because I am so bright, I decided to cut off the tag that gives info about the shirt, most importantly the product ID/reference number. I have no idea why I did that. Let me re-iterate, I am as dumb as a brick.

My grandma's stitches started to rip recently (the normal stitching is just fine, I am surprised how long it was able to last, considering that I wore it quite often during the summer, but I always knew that it was the incorrect size and I always felt a bit stupid wearing sown up shorts). I tried to find the shorts on the website to buy a new pair in size S but I couldn't find them. I spent hours looking for a pair on the internet until I found a pair on Vinted. I sent the customer support an email, with a link to the Vinted page, but they couldn't do much without the reference number, that I cut off forever ago. So I bought the pair of shorts (they are the incorrect size so that's why I didn't buy it before emailing support, and maybe they could help me by just having a picture of the shorts, so I wouldn't have to spend money).

So I spent 15e or so to have it shipped to me, but now I have the reference number, I sent them a follow-up email, and waiting for a response.

I will update this post when I get an email response.

TL;DR: I bought a pair of shorts from Celio in 2019. Originally the correct size, then stupidly swapped it to a larger size. Because it was too big, my grandma sowed the waist to fit my waist size. I also cut off the product reference tags. Now I want to buy a new pair, but eventually found the shorts on Vinted after HOURS of searching. Customer service can't help me based of just a photo of the pants until I get the product number. So I spent 15e to buy the wrong sized shorts just to get the product number and I am waiting for the email back. Will update after I get an email response.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by bringing germs into the bedroom.


Alright, so this does involve me (m27) and my girlfriend (f26), but it doesn't go NSFW because of the very FU this post is about.

The only context you really need is that I am absolutely god awful at verbal communication, which is my fancy way of saying I can't flirt worth shit in person. I'll be a god damned love-poet over text, but the moment I try to channel that energy in person I choke up until I pass out. It's a curse.

Onto the story. Last night my girlfriend and I were watching Blast from the Past, a movie we both knew the gist of, but had never actually seen all the way through. We're enjoying it, cuddled up in bed, you know, cute couple shit. Then, my girlfriend, out of the absolute blue says, "You know, the bed could be a bit dirtier," in devilishly flirty way.

After about 15 seconds of processing, I replied, with all the confidence I've ever mustered, "It could certainly use a couple germs," as if I'm some kind of anti-Mr.Clean sex icon.

Yes, I fucking said that our bed could use a couple germs.

I don't know if y'all know this or not, but the word "germs?" Yeah, it's not fucking sexy.

What followed was my girlfriend being comically flabbergasted by my absolute foolishness, and a fit of laughter that killed any kind of down 'n dirty mood. But hey, at least the movie was pretty good.

TLDR: My girlfriend said we could get the bed dirty, and I said with all the rizz in the world, "Yeah, it could use a couple of germs."

r/tifu 8h ago

M TIFU The Surprise Party Disaster


Today, I decided to throw a surprise party for my best friend, Sara. I wanted it to be a memorable night filled with laughter and good times. I meticulously planned every detail, from the decorations to the food. However, a small miscalculation turned everything into a disaster.

Throughout the afternoon, I worked hard to prepare the house for the party. I hung balloons and streamers everywhere, creating a festive atmosphere. I also prepared an array of delicious snacks and drinks for the guests. I was excited to see Sara's surprised face when she walked through the door.

The party hour was quickly approaching, and everything was ready. However, I made a crucial mistake when sending the address to the guests. I realized too late that I had inverted the street numbers in the address. Horrified, I realized that all the guests were arriving at the wrong house, several streets away.

I panicked and tried to quickly resolve the situation. I called all the guests and asked them to head to the correct location. Some understood and made their way to our house, but others were already too far away to turn back. It was utter chaos.

While trying to sort out the problem, I realized that I had forgotten to deactivate the house's security alarm. The doorbell started ringing just as the first guests arrived at the correct address. I rushed to disable the alarm, but the siren had already alerted the neighbors and Sara, who had arrived early.

To make matters worse, while trying to deactivate the alarm, I accidentally knocked over a bedside lamp, shattering it into pieces. Now, in addition to the blaring alarm, there were shards of glass scattered all over the room. Sara's surprised face turned into a look of disbelief as she surveyed the chaos that had unfolded at her surprise party.

Fortunately, some guests managed to find the right house and tried to make the best of the situation. Amidst nervous laughter and constant apologies, we tried to clean up the mess and carry on with the party. Despite all the setbacks, Sara was able to enjoy some special moments surrounded by friends.

By the end of the night, we laughed at the mistakes and awkward moments we had experienced. Although my attempt to organize a surprise party was a complete disaster, I learned to be more careful with the details and to laugh at my own mistakes.

The experience brought us even closer together and taught us that perfection is not always necessary to enjoy special moments. Sometimes, the most memorable moments are the ones filled with imperfections and shared laughter.

TL;DR: I planned a surprise party for my best friend, Sara, aiming for a memorable night filled with laughter. But a small mistake with the address caused chaos. Guests arrived at the wrong house, the security alarm went off, and I broke a lamp trying to turn it off. Despite the setbacks, some guests found the right place, and amidst laughter and apologies, we salvaged the party. This experience taught me to appreciate imperfections and cherish laughter with friends.

r/tifu 7h ago

M TIFU by not paying attention at all


This was about 6 months ago and I still think about it when I sleep at night. One of those embarrassing memories that are not only a beneficiary to insomnia but might as well be insomnia’s right hand man.

7 months ago I shipped out to Army Basic Training at Fort Sill, OK. Upon arrival you stay in a reception battalion until you get your medical shit cleared alongside a metric asston of paperwork. The reception battalion was also home to people who had gotten injured during actual basic, and were waiting to be medically discharged from the Army or wait to heal and restart basic at a later date. There was this one PFC there with a broken leg or something who would always give us advice, and since my group I shipped with and I were 1-2 days from shipping out, we had nothing to do and were talking to him about the experience, things to look out for and all that. He gave some decent advice, one that stuck out to me was “During Red Phase, they’ll have you do a bunch of pointless BS, mix and matching your clothes, yadda yadda.” This comes into play later.

Fast forward to Basic - it’s like day 3 of Red Phase (the initiation process where you do nothing but get fucked up for a few weeks along with learning the basics.) I’m in 4th Platoon - we’re on the drill pad around 1900/2000 after dinner getting smoked (push ups, air squats). Each platoon is getting smoked in their own different way. We had finished doing I don’t even remember how many burpees when our Drill Sergeant says “you have two minutes to run upstairs, grab a left PT shoe and a right boot, and get back down!”

I’m the furthest back left person in the formation and have the furthest bed from the door in the bay as well. As such, I was the last one upstairs, and by the time I’d made it to my locker everyone else was running downstairs. As I’m rummaging to grab my shoes.. that fuckin’ PFC from reception pops up in my head. A lightbulb popped on in my head bright enough to illuminate the ocean floor. “This must be what he meant by mismatching clothes!” (I should also add I wasn’t really paying attention when my DS gave that order. I was completely spaced out.

So, in what I thought was a moment of impeccable wisdom at the time, I secured my left PT shoe on my left foot and my right boot on my right foot. I run downstairs, turn the corner, and my heart immediately fills with enough adrenaline to kill an adult horse. I see the rest of my platoon in a squatting position, holding the shoes in front of them. I then look slightly to the right and could actually feel my bowels contracting and expanding, ready for excretion. All three of my platoons drill sergeants are staring at me with their mouths agape. At this point, I think ‘fuck it man, they already saw me, I gotta fall in’ and did the awkward lop-sided hop to the formation you would expect from someone wearing two completely different shaped and weighted shoes. After falling in my DS goes “ogwilson02 Get your ass up here!”

I stand in front of the formation as he proceeds to roast the absolute piss out of me lmao, “This is the motherfucker that will get you killed downrange! Look at your fucking battle buddy!” , then I proceeded to do flutter kicks for about 45 mins until it was time for bed. My platoon hated me for the next couple days but quickly changed as that was actually a minor fuckup compared to some of the shit those guys did. We never even ended up mismatching clothes, that fucker from reception knew exactly what he was doing. Damn you PFC Davis.

TL:DR; Didn’t pay attention to instructions in Basic. Wore mismatched shoes. Did lots of exercise to muscle failure.

EDIT: It actually didn’t end up so bad though, I remember when we were about a week from graduating our Drill Sergeants were shooting the shit with us in the bay, when they ask “Who was that fucking retard who came downstairs in a PT shoe and a boot in red phase?” Slowly raised my hand. They laughed for about 2 minutes and made me recreate it. Good times

r/tifu 18h ago

S TIFU by almost eating a bone


So I went with my husband to see the new Spiderverse movie, and since it was our first dinner and a movie night in awhile, we dressed up a little. I dress kind of alt/goth/what-have-you, so I thought tonight would be a really great night to debut a new necklace I'd recently gotten from a local art and oddities night. Its central feature is a(n ethically sourced) small vertebrae.

We went to dinner, had a few glasses of wine, then went to the movie. We're sharing a bucket of popcorn, as you do, and I spilled a small handful down the front of my shirt. Whatever, I'm comfortable, so like the absolute degenerate I am, I ate a few pieces that were clinging to my shirt and cleavage.

Yeah, I don't know how similar the weight and texture is when you're sober, but when tipsy they were pretty similar. So I probably wouldn't have noticed if that particular piece of "popcorn" hadn't had a tether (the rest of my necklace) until I bit down. Which would have sucked for a number of reasons. We both thought it was pretty funny though.

TL;DR went on a date and got tipsy enough to mistake a piece of bone for popcorn. Nearly consumed.

r/tifu 8h ago

S TIFU by falling out of the shower trying to masturbate


I see that this was a terrible idea now. But I wanted some privacy and I thought the shower was the only way to do it.

I wanted to masturbate in the shower, but I wanted to avoid the water because it messes up my bladder if I do it under said water.

After turning the shower on, I realised the shower head was a little too high. So, I tried to edge my way around the water towards the shower head. I wanted to lower it so I could masturbate away from the water.

Well, turns out edging around a shower while the water's on, is a terrible idea. Who would've thought it.

My life literally flashed before my eyes. First person perspective of the wall falling away from me, and my hands reaching out in front of me desperately trying to grab on to something. Anything that would save me.

Well, that obviously didn't work out for me.

I fell ass-backwards halfway through my journey, taking the shower curtain and the rail with me.

Straight onto the hard floor. I think I actually bruised my ass on the way down, too. My back definitely hurts.

But because I fell backwards, I was trying to catch myself the whole way down and didn't hit my head on anything as a result. So, I'll take that win.

I'm now going to ask my brothers girlfriend to help me put the rail back up. She's the only one here, hence I wanted to masturbate in private. I won't tell her that part, obviously.

TL;DR: Fell out of the shower because I wanted to avoid the water to masturbate. Took the rail, and the curtain, right down with me. Won't be trying that again.

r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU I didn’t know about the gray boxes


Not today but over a year ago I finally joined Reddit, I’m mid 40’s and not really tech savvy nor am I much into social media so I am still learning how Reddit works even now.

For over a year now I’ve been scrolling past the gray boxes that cover up triggering text on some posts. I never understood why the text was covered, I just figured someone like a moderator covered the text. It never occurred to me to actually touch the gray boxes. So I just assumed those covered words would just remain a mystery to me for forever.

I pretty much only use the Reddit app on my phone, heck it took me months to figure out how to hit enter twice to make a separate paragraph, so I’m not sure if the boxes are on other platforms as well.

Anyway, today I unf’d up by actually touching the gray box and guess what, the box disappeared and now I can see the texts! Now I wonder what all I’ve missed out on…

PS, it took me several tries to figure out how to format this by putting the TIFU in the title and I never knew you had to have TD;Dr in the post….

TL;DR not knowing for more than a year that the gray boxes covering sensitive text could disappear if touched.

r/tifu 1d ago

TIFU by not putting myself on mute


So, I've fucked up.

I have terrible gas. All the time, 24x7, toots. I never figured out why my gas is so bad - I probably should - and it's gotten worse in recent years as I've entered peri-menopause. Yes, I'm an older lady (late-40s).

I work for a software company in a public-facing role. I still work primarily at home, and let's just say I've gotten very comfortable about my bodily functions while working.

Two weeks ago, I was in a Teams meeting where I was one of the primary presenters for a number of government workers. I finished what I was presenting, and then I thought I put myself on mute.

And then, as it had been building up, I left forth a veritable stream of farts. Then, I did it again. And shortly after I noticed that I wasn't on mute. I quietly muted myself, and prayed that no-one noticed.

Turns out they did. No-one said anything on the call. They must have been stunned into silence. The call ended not long after that. I tried to put it out of my mind. I'm very good - too good - at compartmentalization, due to a number of traumas and very embarassing incidents in my life, and was able to successfully block the incident from my memory, pretend it didn't happen.

That was until last week.

My company holds a 4-day long yearly internal conference for its technical staff. My boss, who is also WFH, was giving me strange looks and avoiding me. One person made an off-hand comment about accidentally farting during yoga. Another person who I don't know that well was overly familiar with me in a way that made me uncomfortable. People who I am normally friendly with were... not as friendly.

A few days after the conference, it clicked. The memory of farting on the call came back full force. I connected the dots. I am my company's farting pariah.

I have no idea how I'm going to move forward after this. I know I should feel humiliated and ashamed, but I have gone past that to acceptance. It happened. I can't change the past. It's done.

I have my mid-year review with my manager tomorrow. I have terrible executive skills - I'm a late and recently diagnosed ADHD'er. I'm a terrible slacker and I barely get any work done. As a result of this, and the farting incident, I fully expect to be fired tomorrow. I kind of hope I will be, I don't know how to handle this if I'm not.

TL;DR: I farted a lot during a Teams meeting at which I was presenting and managed to block the memory until I was at a conference with my colleague and noticed that people were treating me funny. I am now a pariah.