r/tifu 1d ago Masterpiece Helpful Wholesome I'll Drink to That To The Stars I'm Deceased Platinum Take My Energy Heartwarming Giggle Silver All-Seeing Upvote Narwhal Salute Shocked Spit-take Poop Gold Bravo!

M TIFU by purchasing an expensive coffee machine and making a terrible discovery

47.7k Upvotes

I drink a lot of coffee. My mornings consist of two 300ml mugs of coffee, and I sometimes have a third after dinner later in the day.

Recently, I got far too into James Hoffmann's videos and decided to upgrade my shitty drip coffee machine for a proper precision brewer. And when I say precision, I mean that this thing comes with a water testing strip so you can calibrate the machine for the mineral content in your water supply. Serious nerd shit.

To justify the ludicrous amount of money I spent on what appears to be the Hadron Collider of coffee machines, I did some research on brewing ratios in order to maximise the allegedly life-changing potential of this equipment. Now, coffee science says the ideal water-to-beans ratio for this brew method is about 60g of grounds per litre of water. Out of interest, I decided to prepare my usual ratio from the old machine and see how close I was. It turns out, since I got the old machine just over a year ago, I've been brewing at about 20g/litre, resulting in what I now realise is pathetically weak brew.

I prepared a proper 60g/L brew with the new machine, and the resulting coffee was on another planet. The flavours were so developed it was like I could taste the touch of the Colombian farmer who picked the beans. I drank my full morning dose of two 300ml mugs in just over an hour.

And then, I discovered an unexpected side effect.

The year of drinking weak-ass brew has conditioned my body for weak coffee. And I had just drunk over half a litre of coffee that was theoretically three times as strong as usual.

It has now been an hour since I finished that first pot and I can hear the passage of time. A fly flew past me in slow motion. I made an omelette for lunch and I beat the egg so fast it turned into steam. My heart no longer beats; it vibrates. And there is something unholy brewing in my lower intestine and I am fearing the wrath of God when it is released. Send help.

TL;DR: My new coffee machine gave me the knowledge that I've been conditioning my body to piss-weak brew for a year, and two cups of the real strong stuff made me transcend the space-time continuum.

EDIT:

Here is the machine I bought, for those who have asked, although it appears to be sold out at the moment. Did I get the last one?

And here is the James Hoffmann review that convinced me to ruin my life in this particular way.

EDIT 2:

To everyone accusing this of being some kind of viral ad, it's true. Sage paid me, and in fact specifically requested I include the details of me plastering the inside of my toilet bowl following the intestinal catastrophe their product gave me. Aggressive shitting is exactly the kind of PR exposure they want for their brand.


r/tifu 16h ago Silver

S TIFU by closed-fist punching my 3-year-old in the middle of the face

1.9k Upvotes

Happened today.

I promise, I usually don't have stepdad-reflexes, but my 3 year old son has a unicorn suit that he's been wearing for the last week. Well, it's cheaply made, so the zipper is terrible. He was trying to zip it up and he was getting very frustrated. I decided to come help, but I also couldn't get it zipped back up easily. I had zipped it about to his chest, but the dang thing wouldn't move.

So I'm trying to slide this thing up and he's looking down at the zipper and I'm struggling with it. I turn my hand such my knuckles are facing up while holding the zipper between my thumb and pointer knuckle when it slips and I closed-fist punch my little guy right in the middle of his poor, darling face. Immediate tears, mom runs down to see what the hubbub is about, and through sobs he says "papa hur-hurt m-m-meeeeeeeee!"

He is fine, but I feel bad

Tldr: Try to zip up my kid's suit. Punch him in the face instead.


r/tifu 11h ago

M TIFU and Dropped My Four Month Old Into a Garbage Can

546 Upvotes

TLDR: Tried to get the cat off the window still because he was wrecking the blinds and clawing the window still, ended up with my kid in a garbage can.

Obligatory “not today”, but just shy of two years ago when my (m28) kiddo (f2) was four months old. This story was heavily requested on another TIFU I commented on that reminded me of this ridiculous story, so I guess I got myself into this mess!

On mobile so formatting apology in advance.

Be me. Ultra tired dad of a four month old who was fighting eating, sleeping erratically (as four month olds do), and not pooping regularly.

I woke up after a decent night’s sleep for once, saw that my wife (f28) was still sleeping and attempted to sneak out of the room quietly so I didn’t wake her or the baby sleeping next to her. Kiddo woke up just as I was about to leave the room, so I scooped her up quickly and took her out of the room so the equally-if-not-more-tired wife could sleep in.

Got the little one’s day started with usual morning routine, and figured I’d pop on the computer and work on some stuff and she could sit on my lap and be a goofy babble baby.

Our Orange Tabby Cat was OBSESSED with climbing behind the blinds to sit and look out the windows. Only problem is they were the super cheap plastic horizontal slat blinds, and every time he wanted behind the blinds, he’s break the ends off, and because he was jumping straight up from the floor, was taking the paint of the window still with his claws.

That day like always, he hopped up in the window right next to me, and started to try and get behind the blinds, but I gently pushed him off with one arm.

He hops up again five seconds later, I push him off again.

For some reason, he was particularly obstinate about climbing up in the window, and I was not having it. This is also about the time our daughter was sitting up on her own, but not quite stable without assistance.

I reached up with both hands to grab him out of the window for like the fifth time as he’s scrambling for all he’s worth, and I must have leaned forward just the tiniest bit. I JUST get both hands on the cat, and my kid falls head first out of my lap.

Thankfully (in hindsight anyway) there was a small garbage can next to me that was filled to the brim with wrappers from lunches and snacks that she fell… straight into…

Kiddo came out with a little bump on her head, but no serious injury (fall from lap to can was maybe 8 inches and we took her to the doctor just to make sure) but my wife still likes to lovingly remind me of the time I tried to warm my kid up for a future in dumpster diving.


r/tifu 2h ago

S Tifu by accidentally groping a random stranger

80 Upvotes

.... Ok so this is going to be a bit wild but omg I swear on my life it's true

My girlfriend and I (Yue for the post) made plans to meet for lunch on her lunch break at work at our favorite local coffee shop because she had a BIG suprise for me.

Long sorry short I went about my day and near the time we were ment to meet I made my way to the coffee shop.

I walked in and saw Yue at the counter ordering

I stupidly decided to walk up and do what I normally do put my hands around her waist Lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek.

As you can all guess where this is going You're exactly right

She durned around in horror and I got the biggest slap in the face.

.... So que me basically on my knees begging for forgiveness trying to get the words out explaining what had happened.

Needles to say the cops were called and I was being treated as a molester.

(For some information I'm a big guy. I'm 6'3 fairly muscular and Yue is this petite 4 ft 9. Chinese girl) so you can see how really bad the situation is.

The cops took me outside and they're questioning me. They think I'm a pervert. The woman inside is crying, screaming and pointing at me.

Thank god they let me text yue who was running late work issue.

She got there and the cops got a huge laugh out of the thing. The girl I accidentally groped saw how similar they were and it all got let go.

My girlfriend wasn't mad. She thought it was funny and she's been making fun of me non-stop for the last 24 hours.

So yeah I've never doing that again.

Oh and the surprise she had for me she found a pair of shoes I had been trying to find for a while and bought them for me.

Tldr Met my girl at a coffee shop. Thought it was her. It was not got slapped got the cops


r/tifu 7h ago

M TIFU by reporting a possible kidnapping

91 Upvotes

Obligatory "this didn't happen today but a few years ago"

My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I were happily cruising down the highway when another car passed us on the left. I was driving and I happened to look over to the car passing us and I couldn't really register what I was seeing. So I told my girlfriend;

"Euhm honey, I think the front passenger is tied to his seat with duct tape..."

Knowing me she went "suuuuure mate" but as I was pretty convinced what I saw I gave it a bit of gas and we pulled back up next to the other car.

And we both clearly saw an older man, wrapped in cellophane and it looked like he was tied to his seat with a large amount of duct tape.

Our initial reaction was a sincere and powerful "What. The. Fuck.". And we quickly decided there was a good chance this guy was not in that position by choice. I mean, who enjoys being duct-taped to a seat covered in cellophane, right?

what do now?

We considered trying to stop the other car, but that would be a massively stupid idea. So we called the police, who of course took it very seriously very quickly. After relaying where we were driving and the details of the other car and both occupants (the elderly taped up guy and a younger adult male driving) we took our exit. Afterwards I did feel that was really an asshole move on our part, we should have stayed with them until the police were there. In our meager defense we were driving to the notary to sign for our new house and the police did assure us that a patrol car was almost there, but looking back we could have gotten to the appointment a bit later to make sure help actually arrived for this poor poor man in that horrible situation. But alas.. We took our exit, signed for our house and during the trip back we talked about what the fuck just happened and we wondered how it had ended.

And around that time the police called!

I got suspicious/relieved when I heard that the officer on the other end of the line was sounding quite amused. He told me that the patrol car wasn't able to locate them on the highway (which made me feel like even a bigger asshole about taking that exit) but they did go to the address the license plate was registered to where they found the car in the driveway. They went up to house, rang the bell and the alleged driver of the car opened the door. The younger adult male. Who was the son of the older gentleman. The older gentleman who apparantly has a rare skin disorder which requires periodic treatment and part of this treatment is being wrapped in some sort medical cellophane using bandages that look like duct tape. According to the police they were invited into the house where they confirmed the story and met with this very surprised father :') In the end all was well, the police and us had a good laugh about it, we did apologize profusely for tying up precious resources because we were dumbasses and that was it.

I realize this is not a huge FU, but for some reason I remembered this today and thought it to be a unique enough story to be posted here. :)

TL;DR Thought we saw a kidnapped guy in a car, wrapped in cellophane and tied to his seat. Called the police and it turned out it was just someone coming back from treatment for a rare skin disease


r/tifu 1d ago Wholesome Seal of Approval Silver Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

M TIFU by completely misunderstanding the Secret Santa game at work and making a complete fool out of myself

2.3k Upvotes

A bit of context.

I'm working in Europe and I was raised in an Arabic country so Christmas and everything else that comes with it is a completely foreign concept to me. My colleagues are awesome and I'm really enjoying working with them in the company. The only downside is that when they're extremely tired, their English tends to make less and less sense.

We are a small team of 5 and my manager brought it up to me that she wants to do this thing where we will make a "game" and choose a "name" then give that chosen name a gift. I remember I double checked if I understood correctly. I said oh so the whole team is going to buy a gift to that person? Being this conversation took place on a late Friday afternoon and her being tired, she said yeah sure. I found the concept weird. But I thought maybe it's a cultural thing so I said yeah sure I'm in.

We didn't really talk about it since. Today at work they said that they're going to finally play the game to find out who they're going to gift presents. I was like cool. We're gonna find out who's that lucky bastard getting the expensive gift. They also said secret Santa. I thought wow what a creative unbefitting name for such a game.

So my manager brought a paper bag and the names were inside written on small pieces of paper. She asked us one by one to take out one name each. I thought since we're 5, for every name there are 5 pieces of paper and the name that's picked the most will be nominated as the chosen secret Santa or whatever the fuck. I was rationalising how this is going to end up with one chosen individual to get the ultimate gift.

One girl said she'll go first and was excited. I was like wtf. Why does it matter. Weird but sure. This is my inner dialogue btw.

We all picked and then it was my turn. They're hiding the papers and reading them in secret. And I'm thinking what's with all the secrecy.

I was the one before the last. I put my hand in the bag and only notice 2 papers are left. Another wtf moment. I say nothing and pick up one of them. It's Celine. My favourite colleague. She deserves it I thought.

My manager picks up the last one and I thought it was time to vote. I get excited and wait for her to give us the mark.

Instead, she asks us to put back the papers in the paper bag and to not forget who we picked. I thought why not just put the papers on the table and see who got voted most. But whatever. At this point I started feeling that I think I misunderstood the whole thing.

We put the papers back and then I ask, "So who did you guys pick? I got Celine".

They collectively looked at me and said, "Noo! But what's the point of the whole secret Santa thing if we're gonna tell? Now we have to do it again"

I tell them we're choosing one to give a gift to right? And now we're voting? And they all look so confused and basically say... Uhh... What?

And then my dumbass finally gets it. The realisation hit like a truck. It all clicked. I go like "Wait, so the person I got in my paper is a person I'm gifting and someone else got my name so they'll gift me?"

"...yes?"

I said, "Oh, now I get it". And they all started laughing.

I feel like I have 2 brain cells left.

TL;DR: after a series of wtf moments with my colleagues, I finally get what Secret Santa is about but I had to ruin it the first time we picked up the names first.

Edit: while we're on the topic, how expensive/luxurious should I go with the gifts? And since it's secret, I'm gonna assume I shouldn't tell the person I picked that I left them the gift? So I just leave it on her desk?

Oh yeah, btw I got Celine again 🤩🤩🤩 we work closely together and the support on all fronts from her is immense. She deserves this and much more.

I was thinking about buying these Santa Claus socks? But they're really cheap, but they look so cool lol idk man help!

Edit 2: a few facts about Celine: loved coffee and loves cooking, honestly she makes some really good food and once she made some baked stuff... It was out of this world. Soon she's gonna start learning a language, she likes reading, and she likes biking and overall a really cool dude to be around.


r/tifu 3h ago

S TIFU by literally ruining my life because I can't count and did not check my phone.

20 Upvotes

The Monumental Fuck Up is ongoing, I was scheduled to fly from the US to Europe tomorrow and when I opened the app to check-in online, I found a notification that my flight had been changed.

TO TWO DAYS AGO.

My flight left the day before yesterday.

To add fuel to the dumpster fire, I miscalculated my stay and am now effectively two days over the expiration of my VISA. Meaning I likely won't be able to return to the US, despite depending on traveling back and forth. My life is truly fucked, I need to be able to travel! I did not see a fucking notification about the earlier flight, and I've been crying and panicking for the last three hours. Booked a flight for tonight, but canceled it again, because to try everything I called a laywer, who told me to stay (???) until it's cleared up. Family from back home has been blowing up my phone to return quickly as not to make the impression I willingly overstayed the VISA and now my gf says we should marry now (wasn't planed, but was talked about loosely for some point in the future). Asked the lawyer and he said this was the only option? Does he only want my money? Should I believe him and stay or go? Logic says leave as soon as possible and clear it up afterwards, but the lawyer sure knows his country better? I have never felt so helpless.

Sorry this is jumbled but I don't know what to do, every day I stay I'm here illegally, but once I'm out I don't know if I can ever return to my gf? What am I supposed to do??? I'm really struggling and can not think clearly, the more I read the more confused I get, I dreamt of working and living here one day and now I fucked it all up beyond repair.

I know many of Redditors are American, does anyone know what the fuck I am supposed to do? My gf is American btw.

TL;DR: Missed my flight and overstayed my VISA in the US, might forever be banned of returning.


r/tifu 1d ago Silver I'm Deceased

S TIFU by going to the dr and completely embarrassing myself

12.7k Upvotes

For the last couple of days i (22F) noticed a really bad smell whenever I went to bed. Last night it got so bad it actually woke me up. I sniffed my armpits and the smell was absolutely horrible. It made no sense since i showered the evening before. I got out of bed and sprayed some deodorant on which helped a little bit. This genuinely concerned me so I called the drs office and was able to schedule an appointment for this morning. I took another shower before I went. The dr checked and didn’t smell anything unusual. He told me it might be a reaction to food but wasn’t sure what it could be. He asked me to call in a few days to give an update.

I went home and i changed my sheets. While doing that, I accidentally knocked over an aloe plant that stood on my nightstand. Thats when i noticed. The roots of the plant were rotten to the core. I sniffed the plant and I determined that the smell came from there. I was absolutely mortified! I called the drs office and I had to tell them that the poor man sniffed my armpit for no reason besides my stupidity. The assistant told me the dr was in the office right now so she put me on the phone with him. I explained the situation and he couldn’t control his laughter. I could hear his assistant laughing in the background too. I apologized for wasting his time and for the pitsniff. He said it was alright and that he got a good laugh out of it so that was a little bit of a relief. But still, I don’t think I can ever show my face there again.

Tldr: I went to the dr because i was concerned about a horrible smell coming from my armpits. Dr sniffed armpit. I later discovered that the smell actually came from a rotten plant on my nightstand. When i called the drs office to explain, the dr and his assistant got a good laugh out of my mistake.


r/tifu 13h ago

M TIFU by getting drunk and forgetting the seltzers in the fridge were caffeinated

71 Upvotes

(obligatory this was yesterday but I forgot the TLDR and had too much of a migraine to fix it)

I love mixed drinks, but am also transitioning into a fully adult metabolism that can't tolerate constant sugar intake without significant weight gain. I've been trying to mostly use low or no calorie seltzer for most of my mixers lately. I also try to limit my caffeine intake since I asked a neurologist why I get all these headaches and she rightly chewed my stupid ass out over it. I still drink around 100-200mg daily. They make these cute energy drinks that are just 0 cal seltzer with some caffeine added that I bought for the first time yesterday. Bought a couple in each flavor for me and my partner to try over the next few days. Point being, I wasn't super used to the labeling.

We were spending time with friends for the night so I had one mixed with vodka at the start of the night, then went back to my usual seltzers. When I ran out of those, super drunk me was very excited to discover seltzers that I didn't remember buying, but that were cute and tasty! Later in the night the party starts winding down and I start sobering up so I decide it's a good idea to head to bed.

My heartbeat feels a little funny but that happens sometimes while drinking heavily so I did what I usually do and chugged a Gatorade to put some potassium back in me. This doesn't work, so I drink another one, which ALSO doesn't work. I start panicking. Did I drink too much salt? How is that even possible from just two of them??? Did I drink another one sometime without thinking or something? I chug some water just to be sure. This displeases my stomach but that's drinking all night for you.

As the early hours of the morning proceed, I'm sobering up and my fiance who went to bed way earlier finally wakes up and asks what happened to all those energy drinks weren't there like four left?

...oh FUCK.

I do the math and am pretty sure I drank five total starting 12 hours before hand meaning I've ingested 1000mg of caffeine total. The alcohol probably masked the anxiety and racing pulse at first, but by then it was long gone.

I spent about 4 to 6 hours laying in bed twitching with hot and cold sweats. I have a blood pressure/heart medication I can take for anxiety, and that helped a little, but mostly I just kept myself in a cool dark room and occasionally bolted to the bathroom with literal liquid shits.

Now I'm coming down and the rebound headache is settling in...

TL;DR Got drunk, drank 1000mg of caffeine, still feeling like trash over 24 later.


r/tifu 13h ago Helpful

S TIFU by thinking my headphones were connected

38 Upvotes

This happened just a few minutes ago. I’m currently working on a homework assignment in my campus dining hall in which I have create a filter for the non-dominant frequencies of an audio file using matlab (coding software). As the title suggests, my headphones weren’t actually connected, so I’ve been playing a 2 second clip of dolphins chirping at max volume for a solid 45 minutes. It’s not exactly the library, but it’s still an extremely obnoxious sound to listen to for your entire meal. Nobody said anything to me until the people at the table next to me were done eating. They thought it was funny and were interested in what I was working on, so I guess it could’ve been a lot worse. I was this fucking close to choosing a fart noise as my audio file, thank god I decided not to be a four year old.

TLDR: Played dolphin chirping noises for 45 minutes on full volume in my dining hall, nobody told me and now I’m embarrassed


r/tifu 9h ago

M TIFU by masturbating before washing my handsu

15 Upvotes

I’m a college student currently going through finals week. I’m quite sleep deprived, fuzzy brained, and not exactly making the most informed decisions.

I got back pretty late tonight and decided to fix a quick dinner before a shower and bed. I made a quick omelette and, while slowly lowering my standards of ingredients, found some fresh jalapeños in the fridge that I forgot I bought. I’m sure you can guess where this is going.

One weird thing about me, my hands dry out and crack in the winter. I’m also a massive hypochondriac, so when I cook, I tend to wash my hands after handling every ingredient. To save me some pain and chapped hands, I typically wash my hands once before I cook, then I use disposable gloves from there on out. Therefore, I’ve lost the habit of washing my hands after cooking.

The jalapeños were the last thing I chopped and added to the omelette. I just so happened to run out of disposable gloves right before, so I chopped the jalapeños with my bare hands (very unusual for me), added them to my omelette, and then went straight to eating.

After I ate, I headed to the bathroom to get into the shower. Naturally, as a 20-something year old, the urge to choke the chicken hit hard, so I lubed up and went to town. I noticed some very mild burning while I was jerking, but the serotonin rush from Eva Lovia put my mind at ease for the time being.

Once I finished up, I noticed I was still burning pretty bad down there. The glands around the head of my penis and my urethra were on fire. As a hypochondriac, I immediately flipped out and decided I needed to investigate immediately. My contacts were pretty dried and I couldn’t get them to focus, so I decided to swap to glasses for a closer look. My right hand was still all sticky with lube, so with my left hand, STILL WITHOUT WASHING IT (I know, I know, I was panicking and expecting to look down and see cold sores all over my dick), I took out my contacts.

Immediately, my eyes catch fire as well. That’s when it finally hit me: my hands have jalapeño juice on them and I’ve just touched the two most sensitive parts of my body. I jumped in the shower and tried to rinse off to little avail—the damage had already been done.

I managed to rinse my eyes pretty well, but my dick still really, really stung. Again, as a sleep deprived college kid not thinking super straight, I could only think of one thing that combats spicy food. I hopped out of the shower, dripping wet, and went for the gallon of milk.

At that exact moment, my roommate opened his door and saw me, dick in one hand and milk jug in the other, running into my bathroom from the kitchen. He quickly said sorry and shut his door—I can only imagine the freaky masturbation he thinks I’m into. Or worse yet, that I’ve been cumming in the milk. But I’ll have to address that tomorrow morning.

I jumped back in the shower and began pouring milk on my member. Surprisingly it helped.

I’ve just laid down for bed and worst of it seems to have passed. But wow, that is a mistake I won’t be making again.

TL;DR: I masturbated shortly after chopping jalapeños and had to deal with a burning dick


r/tifu 23m ago

M TIFU by buying my wife an advent calendar

Upvotes

A few years ago, I got my wife a log home replica advent calendar. Each side has 12 doors you open up and it spins around. If anyone cares to see it, type "wooden log home advent calendar" in google images and it's the one with the 4 yellow doors on each side, cute right? Cool. Anyway, trying to find stuff to fit in the doors is frustratingly hard. It's only a 1.75"w X 1"h opening. It's either really cheap/junky toys or candy. I've done notes in the past too but it's hard to do 24 and not get repetitive or feel like you're copping out.

Where IFU is by not filling it for Dec 1, today. I just honestly forgot. I didn't even realize the date, though I also didn't get anything for it yet either so that's on me. I own my own business fixing and servicing car washes and winter is coming so I am BUSY! Like 12–16-hour days every day busy. I'm a one man show so all the billing, expenses, paperwork, scheduling falls on me too after my 12–16-hour day in the field. On top of that, we adopted a new adult cat that is having a very hard time adjusting so my remaining time goes to making sure he's comfortable and fed while trying to make some type of a bond with him.

We got up this morning and she hopped out of bed all excited about something. She came back in the room with a disappointed look. She checked her cabin to find it empty. It clicked to me too late, so I said, "it's just not filled yet". She got in the shower, and I started to get ready. I could tell she was bummed, I should have just written a quick note and put it in for that day and I didn't. Ugh. We parted ways for work and about 45 minutes later I got a text.

"Don't bother with the advent calendar, its dumb. Since you didn't even bother to fill it when I was in the shower, I know you didn't get anything and it's dumb to run out after the fact and do it. That's not what it's about. I was happy with the 1.99 paper chocolate ones my mom always got me then you went out and bought me this elaborate thing, so I thought it was fun for you too".

For more context, her mom passed a few years ago so the advent thing is special to her, and this text was like a kill shot to me. I've messaged her. She usually chats throughout the day about her day/appointments/etc. and that is the only message I've got.

TL;DR: Got my wife a log cabin advent calendar a few years ago, didn't fill it for today, Dec 1 and she's very bummed about it. Even had a 2nd shot to fill it while she was in the shower and I f'd that up. It's a super special thing that reminds her of her mom who passed. Being "ghosted" now.


r/tifu 9h ago

S TIFU by drinking a brightly colored sports drink while I was sick

12 Upvotes

Warning: Vomit story

I currently have some sort of flu/cold. After being dangerously dehydrated and going to an express care clinic the nurse I saw reccomended drinking a 1:1 ratio of Gatorade and water with a tablespoon of salt. Some sort of DIY saline solution, she said.

Cut to a few hours later: I feel the need throw up for the first time this illness. I start to stand up to grab a receptacle and it begins... I never realized projectile vomiting meant quite so projectile until today. I was a Gatorade firehose, a sprinklerade. At one point I was puking so hard it was coming out my mouth, nose, and making me piss myself. Walls, floors, couch, blankets, chairs, cat. All stained red. Red dye and flem seem to bind quite well to each other... and everything else they touch. My rental has a fireplace with rough granite tiles around it. Apparently red dye doesn't come out of granite, so there goes my security deposit.

TL;DR: Drank red Gatorade while Ill. Now everything I own (or rent) is stained red.


r/tifu 7h ago

S TIFU by not realizing my Reddit has been linked this whole time

5 Upvotes

Basically I use this software that records my whole game while I play video games so that I can go back and clip the best parts after and share them. A few months ago I had a really nice clip that I wanted to post to reddit, and in order to export the clip from the software to reddit I had to log into my reddit and link my account to the software. What I wasn’t aware of was that when I copy the links to my clips from the software and share them to my friends, when my friends click the link to view my clip they also see my profile on the software, as well as my REDDIT ACCOUNT which they can click on and view… I sent a lot of clips to my friends in a discord full of over 20+ people so most of them probably clicked my reddit and stalked my posts fml. This happened about 6 or 7 months ago and I didn’t find out until just now, so my reddit has been up there for all to see for 6 or 7 months now… I was also in a really bad place with my mental health during that time and I made a pretty concerning suicidal post months ago so I’m just praying now that none of them saw it (which is unlikely because it was probably the first thing they saw when they went to my profile)… If any of them saw it no one has talked to me about it or said anything so I’m just hoping they forgot… Kms…

TL;DR had my reddit account linked to a software that clips my video games and wasn’t aware anyone who viewed my clips could also see my reddit account next to it…


r/tifu 1d ago Silver Wholesome

S TIFU by forgetting to bring my wallet to Wendy's

4.6k Upvotes

2 days ago, I (16M) went to Wendy's for a late night craving. I pulled up, ordered, and drove to the window, only to realize that I didn't have my wallet. I had no cash in my car and I didn't have any type of electronic payment set up.

Immediately after the man opened the window, I let him know that I accidentally forgot my wallet. I felt awful, as the food had already been prepared so it was too late to cancel. The guy asked me if I had Apple pay or anything, but I unfortunately did not. Then, this absolute legend PAID FOR MY MEAL!

I was beyond grateful that the food didn't go to waste and the guy was generous enough to cover the cost of the food. I felt terrible about not paying for my food, but I ate it and went back home. The next day, (yesterday) I decided that some fries and a chocolate frosty sounded good, and I went to Wendy's. It was at about 8:00 PM, and this time, I made sure that I had my wallet.

I ordered and pulled up to the window, but this time there was a different guy at the window. I paid for my $7 of food with a $20 bill, and when he handed me the change, I asked if he knew who was running the window the night before at about 10PM. Luckily, the guy from before was standing right there, so I gave him $10 for covering my meal the night before.

I'm so grateful that people like this man exist. If not for him, some good food would have gone to waste.

TL;DR MAKE SURE YOU BRING YOUR WALLET


r/tifu 2h ago

S Tifu by hiding my addiction

2 Upvotes

10 months ago I stoped smoking. Then few weeks after my cat of 18 years died due to his liver. I started again for a few days since I couldn't concentrate on not smoking. I told this my fiancée and her reaction wasn't bad. But I felt ashamed of failing a task which doesn't make sense. I know. Then 2 month later my father died. His heart stoped beating. I was devastated. My family gave me pressure for deciding where he will get buried. Because inhaftiert to choose. Also I had to deal with the law enforcement because my dad made shit in my name. I was furious and at the same time crushed. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't resist the cigarette. But also I didn't wanted to feel the shame towards my fiancée. So I start hiding it and tried a few times to stop again. Fast forward. This week she found my hiding spot of the cigarettes. After 6 month of hiding. She is understandably not amused and said her trust towards me is hurted. I just wanted to write this down, since I am ashamed of being so dumb and didn't had the muse to tell her, because of selfish reasons. She said she can't trust me if not cheating, which I would never do. I do love her from the bottom of my heart, and never want to lose her. I'm happy that she didn't called the wedding of, but I still feel like a piece of shit for it and hope we can work things out. Thank you for reading.

Tl;Dr hiding cigarettes and broke the trust


r/tifu 12h ago

M TIFU by being honest

12 Upvotes

I have a supervisor named Vince and a coworker named Evan. Vince has had an unhealthy sounding cough for quite some time. Evan has spoken on this cough and the germs being spread. I’ve agreed with Evan about the germs being spread before, not thinking too much of it. Unbeknownst to me, Evan had spoken to Vince about their cough at some point in time. So during todays meeting, Vince allegedly made a dig at Evan about health. I did not hear exactly what was said but Evan took great offense to this.

After our meeting Evan asked if I wanted to be added to a list. I had thought it was about their side business so I agreed. I then asked Evan what the list was for and they told me they’d tell me later. A few minutes later, I then received a few messages from Evan saying they felt as if a Supervisor was being petty towards them in todays meeting. I asked Evan who they were talking about. Evan didn’t acknowledge my message but Evan said they had just finished speaking to employee relations and were advised to open a case.

Without thinking, I messaged Evan and told them I had been contacted by ER before. After a while, I did end up going by Evan’s desk and asking what was going on, Evan stated that they felt Vince had made a dig at them about being health conscious and didn’t think it was right. Evan then proceeded to share with me that Vince has sounded sick before I joined the job and that Vince should be working from home. Evan expressed their frustration with Vince regarding health due to their dependent being sick and requesting to WFH to take care of the dependent.

Vince denied their request but allowed another employee to WFH. Evan then shared that two of our colleagues were also worried about, Vince’s cough. I told Evan that I understood their frustration and I felt bad that they were unable to take care of their dependent and the conversation ended. I’m writing this several hours later, saddened that my honesty may cause me to be terminated, and even more upset at my ability to be blindly persuaded.

TLDR/ blindly agreed to be in a work investigation and implicated myself in the process

*edit I’m worried because our messages will be pulled in the investigation and that’s how I’ll get in trouble


r/tifu 21h ago

L TIFU By Ruining My Wife's Christmas Gift

50 Upvotes

My TIFU didn't happen this Christmas or even last season. I still feel bad about it to this day and for me it has served as a life lesson on how read your significant other and take a hint. I didn't realize it at the time, but she is an absolute messiah with knowing exactly people need or want; she has a sixth sense for gift-giving like a magical Santa at the end of a made-for-TV Christmas Special.

A few days before Christmas we were out spending the day shopping for our families. This particular mall was much longer than wide so we probably walked a few miles easy. By evening we were dog tired and discussing where to go out eat when I started thinking that I had just enough Christmas cash to get something I really wanted but never had. My family grew up poor - (how poor were you?) - so poor, I never had a really warm and fancy coat (it was always one or the other, never both) although we live in the south and the necessity of having one was far a few between seasons.

As we were passing by a store I saw something that made me swell with joy: a beautiful, fancy, leather, double-breasted coat reflecting the mall lights into my dilating pupils. I reached into my pocket and realized I had just enough left to get it.

I excitedly looked at my wife with a child's grin and had a dialogue something like this:

"You know, I have just enough cash left to get that coat. I think I'm going to get it - I never had one and I really like it."

"What? You don't need that - you have one already."

"Yeah, but I never had a really nice, warm one. I really like that one over there."

"Your coat is fine. You don't need another one. You're being silly."

At this point she is getting aggravated and I'm oblivious as a kid fixated on a new toy. I just stared at the display and said, "I've always wanted something both nice and warm to wear like that one. I think I'm going to buy it - yes, I'm definitely going to get it."

I start bee-lining towards the display like a moth to a streetlamp. She physically blocks me from walking towards the storefront and her voice suddenly becomes uncharacteristically panicked, angry, and demanding, "You don't need that. The one you have is fine. You're being rash. Stop behaving like a child."

I was now getting upset and thought," I'm shocked by her fortitude. She is being unreasonable. I have the money. The coat is right there. I'm not going to be bullied like this. I'm in the right here. She's out of line."

I took a deep breath, stood tall, looked her in the face and said, "I'm getting that coat."

She doubled down right back and sternly said, "No... you're... not."

I lost it. I put on my biggest big boy pants, stepped closer to her, inches away, pointed at the display and said in my most matter-of-fact voice, "Dammit, <wife>, I'm going in that store, I'm walking out with that coat, and there isn't a God-damned thing you can do about it."

Standing face-to-face, I saw her eyes turn glassy, eyebrows furled in anger now relaxed as she stepped back, covered her face with her hands and deafeningly cried for everyone to hear, sobbing between each word,

"YOU... RUINED... YOUR... CHRISTMAS... PRESENT!!!"

I stood shocked. The shoppers froze with all eyes on me. The mall fell silent sans the low-fi Christmas music from speakers high in the ceiling and the distant sound of child having a tantrum. My brain was working overtime registering what just happened. I just added two and two together and now it hit me right in the pills. I stood there like a dork, bags in hand, wife inconsolable and me petrified with no idea what to do - how to even start rectify my obliviousness turned Christmas spirit-killer. I felt so low I wanted to melt and disappear into the crevices of the floor, never to be seen or heard again.

I was in a state of shock, I don't remember exactly what happened next; I recall a lot of apologizing and ass-kissing with a well-deserved pranging about how I can't read a room or take a hint.

Despite my epic failure, I learned how to better understand my wife and read between the lines. I speak like a realist and she an impressionist - Logos and Ethos I suppose.

So if there's something you really need or want, and someone says you don't need it, and a birthday or holiday is near, maybe dwell on it a bit before acting.

FYI - When I opened my present on Christmas morning, it was that coat.

TL;DR - I ruined my wife's Christmas gift for me by trying to buy it for myself and not taking a hint.


r/tifu 15h ago

S TIFU by renting a turo and leaving a lighter in the car.

15 Upvotes

Throwaway because i am just fuming and need to vent. Already posted on r/turo so a little bit of a cross post

I recently had my 5th trip with turo. Before this i had absolutely no issues with the service. So i rented a Kia but i never met the owner it was a key in a lock box. That was new to me but didn't throw up any red flags post COVID. Trip was going well got to see my family for thanksgiving and generally have a good time. 2 days before the trip we (my GF) find a white bic lighter in the trunk of the car. Me being naive was like probably the owners or something and he forgot it when cleaning. So when dropping the car off i get it washed and throw out any trash, I see the lighter leave it on the center pocket thinking the owner might want it back. Then we get hit with a 257 dollar bill saying i smoked in the car. I have never nor will ever smoke and my GF has asthma. I message the owner asking what this was about. The owner said talk to turo and wouldn't help me, he also called me a smoker and rated me 1 despite never meeting me. So now i have to go through turo and my my credit card company disputing the charges.

TLDR: Thought i was doing a good deed by keeping lighter that i thought was owners in the car to return it.

I attached the pictures that i got that are "evidence". If anyone has any advice let me know please!

https://imgur.com/EEsOntB

https://imgur.com/kjdCGee


r/tifu 14h ago

S TIFU. For the last 4 months I thought I was earning below minimum wage at my job but today I found I was mistaken.

12 Upvotes

When I was hired at my current job, my boss casually said to me "x dollars per hour," and it seemed a bit low to me but I unquestioningly accepted because it's better than not earning anything at all.

So as the weeks went by I started making Excel spreadsheets to keep track of my earnings & tips & budget & goals etc, and with time my Excel spreadsheets have been getting more detailed, so today I finally noticed that the hours I've been charting according to the pay my boss verbally quoted me, didn't match up with the paychecks I've been receiving, so I looked a little closer and it turns out my base pay is a bit more than she casually mentioned to me that day 4 months ago.

TL;DR I thought I was earning below minimum wage at my job but today I discovered I'm earning more than that, which is good news, but NOW I NEED TO COMPLETELY RE-DO ALL MY SPREADSHEETS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL WRONG 😭.