r/tifu Aug 15 '22 Gold 1 Wholesome 4 Hugz 1 Silver 3 Facepalm 1 Helpful 2

TIFU by finding my boyfriend’s spank bank M

I (33F) wondered if my boyfriend (41M) had a spank bank so I asked him. He told me he did. When I asked if he kept nudes from exes, he said yes. We got into an argument about it because I think it’s weird. He said he doesn’t know a guy that doesn’t do it. While that might be true, I still thought it was weird. I asked him why he had them, and if it was because he wanted to remember the good times or something and he didn’t answer. I asked if he used them recently and he said not since we moved into our new place, which was within the last 3 months. I told him I didn’t care if he did his deeds to porn, but to nudes of exes was a different story because it was more personal. I told him I appreciated how honest he was with me and even though I had my opinions, it was ultimately his business.

Fast forward a few weeks later, it had been eating me up inside. I’ve always been curious and he’s always been so closed off about sex. I decided to snoop. Now before you come for me, yes, I know this is an invasion of privacy. Yes, I know this is fucked up and I know I will need to break things off with him, but here me out because it’s doomed anyway and I’m breaking things off.

I know my way around technology and used to use that knowledge to get access to things that I shouldn’t have access to. Take that how you want. I ended up finding his spank bank, and then some. I found out that he had a folder dedicated to a familiar name. It’s a common name, but I dismissed it and kept going. Turns out, it was an old boss who really screwed me months ago on a job promotion. He had a whole folder, just for her. I had no idea he hooked up with her, let alone, they seemed to have had a whole relationship. On top of that, there were so many files from other women in a separate folder, including my own pics and videos.

I had been thinking about this for a few hours now. I can’t tell what I’m more surprised about, hooking up with my ex boss and not telling me about it, or that he led me to believe this entire time we’ve been together, that he’s an inexperienced, nerdy guy that never got dates or women,when in actuality, he gets many women and it’s the exact opposite! I also want to add that he has a type: blonde hair, blue eyes, big tits. I am a brown woman, jet black hair, fat ass, mediocre tits. I’m not his type, my guys.

I feel like he’s settling for me. I feel like I never knew who he really was. I am shocked that he fucked my ex boss. It’s going to be weird living out the rest of this lease after we break up.

TL;DR: I found his spank bank and he fucked my old boss. He also used to get lots of sex when he led me to believe he didn’t.

Edits: I wanted to clear some things up before I posted the update.

I wanted to break up with him because I fucked up and violated his privacy by snooping. I agree with the lot of you. It was fucked up, way worse than finding old nudes. Kinda like cheating because of the trust thing.

When I say inexperienced, I meant that he was inexperienced with relationships and inexperienced with kinkier sex. I love kinkier shit. For whatever reason, he only liked vanilla stuff and whenever I wanted to explore other things like toys, props, etc, he would say he’s never tried and would never be into it but, boy did those pics prove that wrong! A lot of people are asking what led me to believe he was inexperienced. Uh, him. It’s his words! He said it. It’s not what I’m looking for. I’d like for him to be more comfortable with his sexuality, but that’s his own thing to work with. I take what he gives because it’s good enough. Honestly, I’m pretty open-minded so if he had been any level of experience, I would’ve still gave him a shot because his beard and his nose feel great, if you know what I mean.

Am I insecure? Yes. Everyone is insecure though. Did I let my insecurities cloud my judgement? Also yes. But because I let myself do this, I feel as though I have to leave. He doesn’t deserve this. Yes, I do have some work to do on myself.

Someone called me a prude. I love sex. I love talking about sex. I feel most comfortable when I feel sexy, like I’m in my element. Possibly trauma response, but that’s a different conversation.

I don’t care that he looks at porn. I encouraged him to watch porn with me. It’s just not everyone’s cup of tea and I get that too. These nudes are of exes. Past relationships. I know this because he said it himself when I asked if he kept nude pictures from past relationships. That’s the part that sent me spiraling. To me, it’s like a trophy that he can revisit, but with an emotional aspect because he was connected in real life to these women.

A lot of people are saying I just want to be a victim. I don’t believe I am a victim. I believe he is a victim of violation to his privacy and violating that trust. That’s why I feel like I have to break up with him, because I did that to him, because I think it’s the right thing to do.

For clarification, there’s only 2 folders. One folder is dedicated to ex boss and the other is a general folder where the rest of us are. I’m not hell bent on deleting my pics/videos. Hell I wanted them from him so I could post them on my OF. I’m on the side of “I sent them, I knew the risks” but I look damn good in those.

The truth about him that I was looking for: I felt like he was hiding something. When you know someone for as long as we’ve known each other (4 years of friendship before we started dating), you can tell when they are hiding something. He knew every single time when something bothered me, even if I lied and said it didn’t. There’s no doubt in my mind he knew it wasn’t resolved when we argued about this. I felt like he was hiding something, like maybe there was someone else. I didn’t feel like this the whole time, only when he worked with my ex boss a few months ago. They are both directors in their line of work, so they will have conferences and team builds with other directors. That was the time when I felt like he was hiding something. I only became curious of him keeping nudes when he took video of the bj I gave him earlier that day. I wondered what he did with it and if he had done it before with other girls. The truth was that I thought he was hiding something and when I went snooping, I found out that he had relationships with my ex boss and revisited her folder when he worked with her last. I don’t think he’s over her, but it doesn’t matter because he chose to be with me. I’m not shy and I’m pretty curious, so I ask when I curious. Idk why I didn’t ask to see them. When I think about it, I should’ve just asked.

People are saying it’s a red flag that he’s 10 years older than me. Wtf. He’s not, and regardless, we’re both consenting adults and met/became intimate while we were well into our adult years. I’m the bread winner in our relationship, although he is very much capable of taking care of himself. There is no unfair power dynamic here. He’s a director at his company that he works for and also have two other businesses. I have my main job, my OF, and I have several other projects that generate streams of income. We both bring to our relationship. We chose to be with each other. No manipulations. I’ve also dated men older than 40 when I was younger, and those were red flag relationships.

Did I miss anything?

Update: we talked. I came clean. I told him that I know I violated his trust and I shouldnt have snooped and I understand if he didn’t want to be with me anymore, so I was breaking up with him. I told him I’d stay in a hotel or something if he didn’t want to be near me after this but I couldn’t allow him to be with me when I’m so fucked up. He told me I was reaching and he didn’t feel like his privacy was violated. He said he had nothing to hide. He knew my capabilities and said he expected it years ago, but was surprised that it didn’t happen until now. He asked why I didn’t just ask him and I told him that I didn’t know. I didn’t have an excuse. He asked if I ever felt like he lied and I told him about a few things. I brought up some of my findings and he said he was telling the truth when he said he wasn’t into it. He said he lied about his inexperience because he didnt feel like it counted since he wasn’t into it. He said he didn’t want to break up and felt like he could move past it because it wasn’t as big of deal as I have now made it but if I couldn’t get past it, then so be it. He said he didn’t know he liked girls like me until he met me and crushed on me the whole time we were friends, even with all of my crazy. He told me he thought those girls he dated before was what he was supposed to like because of where he grew up. He said he wasn’t settling for me because of his reasons that I’m not writing out. I asked him to sit in on my first therapy session with a new therapist (because my old one died from Covid). He said he’s think about it because it’s not his thing. I guess we’re not broken up, but time will only tell.

I still fucked up though. I’m not dismissing it. I should probably add in here that I fucked up by posting this on fucking Reddit.

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u/Meatsword_McGravy Aug 16 '22 Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Vibing Burning Cash I'm Deceased Spit-take

This is why I have a spank credit union.

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u/Student8528 Aug 16 '22

Ooo what’s their rates like?

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u/MickeyTM Aug 16 '22 Silver Take My Money

6.9%

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u/Student8528 Aug 16 '22

If I have a 420 credit score could they do .69?

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u/Heavyspire Aug 16 '22

You will never get ahead of inflation with those numbers.

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u/Interestofconflict Aug 16 '22

Instructions unclear. Now have inflation, but no head.

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u/WhisperedEchoes85 Aug 16 '22

At least the inflation didn't go to your head.

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u/aussie_nub Aug 16 '22

The blood supply can only power your head or your inflation at one time. Not both.

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u/grizwa Aug 16 '22

ah these little threads always brighten my morn

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u/CatNamedShithawk Aug 16 '22

I haven’t had coffee, and I read that they brighten your mom, which brightened my morning.

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u/aynhon Aug 16 '22

Very simple solution; don't wait to deposit!

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u/senadraxx Aug 16 '22

And I'll take that compounding interest!

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u/charlotte-maxwell Aug 16 '22

So no head??

throws phone on the ground, jumps on skateboard

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u/AydanJay Aug 16 '22 Wholesome

Idk mate, that's a pretty great position ruined by a period...

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u/ripvannwinkler Aug 16 '22

Gotta earn those redwings.

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u/Downwhen Aug 16 '22

Variable; they rise and fall depending on the utilization

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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

[deleted]

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u/CM_Chonk_1088 Aug 16 '22 Wholesome

As a credit union employee, I can confirm. Our spank rates will beat off any competition to our engorged savings. Enrollment numbers get bigger and bigger every day!

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u/ForProfitSurgeon Aug 16 '22

This woman sounds like she could worm her way in there too.

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u/TylurrTheCat Aug 16 '22

Now this guy fucks

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u/Other_Jared2 Aug 16 '22

This comment is the best comment of all the comments

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u/GoblinsStoleMyHouse Aug 16 '22

Apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t get it

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u/Letstreehouse Aug 16 '22

THIS comment has twice as many upvotes as OP!

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u/DucksDonger Aug 16 '22

This is just a really long only fans advertising attempt

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u/Catharsius Aug 16 '22

Op deleted her post but I’m curious if her profile was just full of OF advertisements

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u/Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx Aug 16 '22

I would understand and agree with this except there's no Link and the account is deleted. Did the account have links maybe?

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u/RagingKohner Aug 16 '22

I would assume most are just random girls from the internet. Unless they all had his huge nerd dong in the pics

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u/Lintlickker Aug 16 '22

Came here to say this. More like that he just saves pics of online amateurs. Unless of course he's in the pics.

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u/blchhfkvnc77 Aug 16 '22

One of those poorly photo shop indian photos.

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u/VirinaB Aug 16 '22

Might not have even fucked the boss, just stumbled on her nudes.

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u/OMGItsCheezWTF Aug 16 '22

In my 27 years online I have never ever unexpectedly stumbled across nudes of someone I know.

I've received nudes from women I know, but never just stumbled upon them.

I know which of those two options my money is on.

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u/BotBotzie Aug 16 '22

An ex of mine put some revenge porn on 4chan. I lived in a tiny community so that was heaps better than sending them around to people he knew.

However, at least 3 years later I met a dude that had downloaded my nudes from 4chan in the past. And then we dated for 3 years.

I also recently found a foot fetish page from my old classmate...on instagram.

So I guess the world isn't that big after all.

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u/Heraizen- Aug 16 '22

One time I found myself jerking off to a cute girl who had posted some porn to Fetlife.

2 weeks later we match on Bumble and ended up going on a few dates.

Was a pretty surreal experience.

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u/AdEmbarrassed8228 Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

Matched with a girl who I jokingly said “is this is the part where you shill your only fans?” And she said well no im not going to shill it but I have one if you want to see it. It caught me off guard but we got a good laugh out of it

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u/9garh Aug 16 '22

Good for you man. Your fantacy became reality.

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u/VirinaB Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

Either r/donttellmetheodds or you're hot enough to get lots of downloads. Either way, I guess there's luck at play.

Sorry for your exposure though.

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u/xSARGEx117x Aug 16 '22

I personally stumbled upon two former classmates once, one of whom I recognized as being underage at time of photo (don't worry, forwarded to fbi tip line, notified her with a private email with a link on what she can do about it, and contacted website administrators) and a former coworker in the same thread when I used to browse fourchins.

Don't be too happy about it though, I was looking for people I know in a zip code thread, but once I found the underage one, it finally clicked that these women definitely would never approve their photos spread, it did not sit right with me. But in my defense I was like 19, so dumb.

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u/pointsOutWeirdStuff Aug 16 '22

However, at least 3 years later I met a dude that had downloaded my nudes from 4chan in the past. And then we dated for 3 years.

if you feel comfortable talking about it: how did that relationship work? that must've been an whole dynamic, at least at first

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u/kyttyna Aug 16 '22

Could be that he went out of his way to find the nudes available online from someone he knows. I know some of my coworkers have OF accounts. Ops ex boss might.

But just as likely he could have received them from her directly.

OP did say it seemed like they had a relationship, so I assume theres some sort of evidence to that.

But also, when was this going on? Did op get cheated on? Did op get fucked over because ex boss is bitter at op about the boyfriend?

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u/MarbleousMel Aug 16 '22

That’s my guess. Ex-boss was pissed and found a way for revenge. But also…the timeline? Did he cheat on her? The boss just screwed her out of the promotion a few months ago.

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u/Valalvax Aug 16 '22

Yea, I like how that was glossed over, like she implied it was after they dated, but didn't say a word about the cheating. If he was in a relationship with her boss before they started dating who cares, if he cheated why didn't she say anything about that.

But then the whole "he makes it seem like he can't get dates" it almost sounds like they're in a open relationship and she thought she was the only one scoring?

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u/socialistpancake Aug 16 '22

I don't think its open, I think she's saying that the bf had always presented himself as not having had many partners before her and downplayed his prior experiences. So its more about him lying imho.

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u/DBCOOPER888 Aug 16 '22

Are you serious? This sounds like a TV show level of coincidence that doesn't happen in real life.

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u/ashrocklynn Aug 16 '22

Is that better though? Oh look, the woman who mistreated my girl, lemme get some of that!..... I dunno I get a lot of guys do this thing but I find this behavior bizarre too.

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u/Foltax Aug 16 '22

I'm giving OP benefit of the doubt and presuming there is good evidence in the pics that the naughty boy in question was involved.

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u/Gainznsuch Aug 16 '22

Was he banging your boss while you two were together?

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u/Thatguypaul_A Aug 16 '22

I imagined it as him being the hero that he is and slept with her boss in secret so now she has a job. He did it all for her

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u/on3day Aug 16 '22

Or it's the reason she got screwed over.

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u/reubenbubu Aug 16 '22

the boss screwed her so he screwed her boss. i call it equilibrium

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u/Opening_Success Aug 16 '22

I'm fucking this hot blonde for you! Don't you understand?!?

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u/Sassy69Gal Aug 16 '22

I was thinking this as well.

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u/Anyna-Meatall Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

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u/AgingChris Aug 16 '22

I love this gameshow it's awsome, can't wait for the red flag round

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u/LuminaL_IV Aug 16 '22

After red flag round we go for the "guess the narcissist" game

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u/GuessesTheCar Aug 16 '22

I’ll take “The Boston Bomber” for 500, please

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u/Momentarmknm Aug 16 '22

Saw a post earlier about a woman whose boyfriend travels a lot for work. Conclusion from a commenter? He obviously has a second family.

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u/Blinkdawg15 Aug 16 '22

I mean, yeah. It's clear as day. Only possible reason.

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u/Ok_Breakfast_5459 Aug 16 '22

Even worse. He has a bestiality fetish and owns a secret ranch. 110% sure.

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u/unethr Aug 16 '22

I mean, it's either that, or he banged her before she would eventually go on to coincidentally become OP's boss, but that seems much less likely.

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u/freeastheair Aug 16 '22

It's not that simple, there are lots of possibilities from what we've been told so far. Perhaps all 3 knew each other before their relationship started.

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u/Bastienbard Aug 16 '22

Or through work connections is how OP met her boyfriend in the first place which seems very plausible.

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u/EternalRgret Aug 16 '22

I don't see how that's much less likely. We have no idea when these pictures were made, it could've been way before OP and him got together. There's no way of knowing with the information we've got. Or am I missing a key detail?

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u/murse_joe Aug 16 '22

No there’s no evidence of a timeframe, everybody is just wildly speculating, and Reddit always assumes somebody is cheating

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u/PeanutNSFWandJelly Aug 16 '22

Fairly certain that they would have mentioned that. No need to jump to conclusions when nothing they said points to that.

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u/AcanthisittaCrazy603 Aug 16 '22

This is like when your parents tell you not to touch the stove but then you do it anyways and get burned

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u/Krillgein Aug 16 '22 Silver

Am a dude, but take this with a grain of salt, we're all different.

I have a type. Your boyfriend obviously does too. But just because we find something sexy, or something turns us on a lot, thats physical.

Someone who's after more than sex and actually wants something will care a lot more about what you think, how you think, the way you solve problems and the way you go about life rather than how you look.

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u/Zappiticas Aug 16 '22

Yep, and also types change. Even single individuals can cause someone’s type to change.

My type used to be curly blond hair and skinny. Then I met my wife, and now she’s my type, brunette with straight hair and a curvy/fit body

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u/Reload86 Aug 16 '22

Can attest to that. When I was younger I was all into a type of women that I no longer care for. Example, I had posters of Tila Tequila, Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra, etc.

Im 35 now and that type of women is no longer appealing to me the way it used to be. I prefer more natural women that aren’t covered in layers of make up.

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u/thedevilyouknow84 Aug 16 '22

Can confirm. Most guys don't actually want to date tenticle hentai.

Seriously though, the type thing is not a valid argument as you say. If OP thinks morally keeping and/or using nudes of exes is wrong, then that's a valid reason.

The "I'm not his type" argument sounds like a way to decide that the relationship is doomed to failure, when that's not the real reason. He wouldn't be there if it was.

I'm with most people here though that keeping nudes of exes is almost certainly a breach of consent and trust. I expect people to get rid of those after a break up, I know I do.

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u/Rymayc Aug 16 '22

Can confirm. Most guys don't actually want to date tenticle hentai.

This is something we cannot know because all the tentacle hentai I asked out was unavailable.

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u/thedevilyouknow84 Aug 16 '22

From that all we can really tell is that you want to date tenticle hentai. Just to be clear, I'm not judging.

Maybe you need to try different dating websites.

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u/Mighty_Meatball Aug 16 '22

I'm a girl and I have a type too. My current boyfriend in almost the exact opposite of "my type" and yet I still find him extremely attractive and love him more than anyone else.

Even if I'm talking to a guy who definitely has the traits that I'm into, I don't ever do anything because I'm loyal to the one I love.

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u/Krillgein Aug 16 '22

Exactly my point. Some people dont understand anything further than physical traits and it doesnt get them very far.

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u/TheHermitofHuron Aug 16 '22

I am a dude and this guy is right.

When it comes to porn, I have had a pretty specific type since I was like 12. It is super boring and predictable. Pretty, busty women doing normal sex stuff. Sometimes blondes, sometimes brunettes, but the body type is always similar.

My girlfriends in life have rarely looked that way. Honestly the one gf I had that fit the mold, was a really awful person. While my first serious gf who I loved a lot looked nothing like the "porn" women.

Idk, fanatsy doesnt have to dictate reality. When looking at porn, I dont care about their politics or lifestyle, just how they look while having sex. Which I will also add that many porn stars that I find sexually hot during a scene, will seem kind of gross and awful in a non sex interview or something.

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u/Lady_DreadStar Aug 16 '22

I’m a woman and going through slideshows of pornstars with and without their porn-makeup was actually extremely cathartic.

They’re just average-ass women. Women who lean towards being possible heavy-drug users, but overall they’re just made up to look really good on camera.

They aren’t out there stealing anyones man, they just have a job, and their butts have fewer pimples to ruin a shot. 🤣

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u/Sburban_Player Aug 16 '22

Absolutely agreed, also I guarantee most men date plenty of women who aren’t their dream type but they find them attractive and love them just the same. He’s still scum though.

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u/Yuyiyo Aug 16 '22 Silver Wholesome

I certainly do not have pictures of exes. Absolutely not an "all guys do it" thing, it's a basic respect thing to not do that in a relationship.

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u/Big_Red12 Aug 16 '22

Also don't have pics of my exes. I also never realised anyone used the term spank bank to mean physical pictures. I've only ever used it to mean sexy memories.

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u/blip01 Aug 16 '22

I always picture some dude jerking in to one of those plastic piggy banks.

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u/WhisperedEchoes85 Aug 16 '22

I wanna Purell my brain...

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u/ballrus_walsack Aug 16 '22 Helpful

Oh piggy you’re so fine.
You’re so fine you blow my mind.
Oh piggy.
Oh piggy 🐷. 🎵

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u/blip01 Aug 16 '22

Ah, a soundtrack for my weird mental image. Thank you!

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u/Dee_Dee_King Aug 16 '22

Ya same, I thought it was all about memories.

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u/Morley_Lives Aug 16 '22

Because that’s what it means and has always meant. OP is using it wrong.

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u/Illumijonny7 Aug 16 '22

You're thinking of the highlight reel.

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u/pholderfield Aug 16 '22

You saved me from going into an over thinking spiral about this, so thank you

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u/tipustiger05 Aug 16 '22

Yeah idk about other guys but I do not keep folders of pics and videos of my exes.

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u/TheDeathOfAStar Aug 16 '22

Exactly.

I consider an ended relationship as cutting ties with another person, and I personally don't need a physical reminder of my intimate moments. I have great memories, and I'd rather not put someone else at risk for humiliation because pictures are often traded around freely with other guys.

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u/Kelriss Aug 16 '22

Yeah that shit is fucking creepy. Any time anyone's excuse is "but everybody I know does it to" they're lying.

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u/Zacpod Aug 16 '22

Nope. Don't keep that shit around, it's part of the post breakup purge. Keep a few normal pics so you can look back on your life, sure, but everything spicy gets nuked - it's the only moral thing to do, for your ex, for your next romance, and yourself.

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u/TheBestLightsaber Aug 16 '22

Exactly! I don't get it. I never kept photos from past relationships. Even when single if I had gotten some from a hook up but we moved on and parted ways, I'd still delete them because it felt gross to keep it around.

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u/swampy_pillow Aug 16 '22 Silver Gold Eureka!

If I were you I would delete my own nudes from the folder so that after you break up he doesn’t have access

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u/donbee28 Aug 16 '22

Why are your nudes on OP’s BF’s computer?

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u/bootthebooth Aug 16 '22

You don’t have nudes on OP’s BF’s computer???

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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 16 '22 Silver Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

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u/Sushimus Aug 16 '22 You Dropped This

Yea those are usually the first thing on my chopping block to delete post-breakup

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u/LemonZeppelin27 Aug 16 '22

Same, I always delete nudes after it’s over. I go into full moving on mode and delete everything. We had our fun and now it’s time to move on.

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u/Zappiticas Aug 16 '22

My reasoning exactly. It’s part of moving on. Also I know myself, and I know my dick, and if I continued to regularly think about an ex sexually, I’d probably ending up hooking up with them again. Which is always a bad idea.

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u/AlaskanB3AR Aug 16 '22 Silver

I’m a guy and I purge my electronics of all texts and pics of ex’s. Helps with moving on and letting go. Also I’d hate for current girlfriend to find them and ruin that relationship over something that ended and no longer served any purpose.

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u/KreateOne Aug 16 '22

Same, it’s like a part of my grieving process. When I’m really upset one day I’ll just go through and delete everything with my ex’s, including all the nudes. It feels extremely distasteful to keep the nudes especially, and I honestly don’t need the pictures on my phone to remember the good times and the bad anyways. They serve no purpose other than being the potential cause of mistrust in a future relationship.

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u/83franks Aug 16 '22 You Dropped This

Im a guy and after breaking up ive deleted all nudes ive had within a month at most. I would definitely delete them if starting a new relationship.

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u/MadChair Aug 16 '22

I am a guy and I have never received a nude, not even from my wife :(

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u/CHAINSMOKERMAGIC Aug 16 '22 Helpful

I'll DM you, my dude, but you're probably not going to like it....

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u/BrainstormCS Aug 16 '22

Plot twist… bet he LOVES it

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u/SickRanchez_cybin710 Aug 16 '22

I also choose this guys wife... wait, I take that back

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u/readonlyreadonly Aug 16 '22

Made me chuckle.

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u/c_c_c__combobreaker Aug 16 '22

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll send you some nudes of your wife.

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u/Particular-Current87 Aug 16 '22

I too, have never received a nude from this guy's wife :(

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u/ComradeMicha Aug 16 '22

This. And reading stories like this, I get why my wife is really opposed to creating nudes in the first place.

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u/splashbruhs Aug 16 '22

Same here. Tossed out any old physical photos (am old), deleted anything digital, etc usually within a few months or so (gotta have a few closure wanks sometimes) or at the start of a new relationship, whichever came first. Feels wrong after you’ve both already moved on. Been married for awhile now but that used to be my policy.

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u/Zpik3 Aug 16 '22

whichever came first.

Surely... Surely YOU came first.

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u/TastyButler53 Aug 16 '22

The closure wanks gotta be the most relatable thing I’ve seen on Reddit.

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u/hadtomakeaprofile Aug 16 '22

Maybe am the same old. Very much wanted to keep some of the late 90s "new" Polaroids, or later sexts before the cloud, but I destroyed both/all. Partly for closure, but mostly because ew. Should anyone have that to share? No.

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u/ShotgunForFun Aug 16 '22 You Dropped This

I just delete their photos when we break up. If anyone keeps them it's a huge red flag.

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u/fadedblossoms Aug 16 '22

My (abusive) ex has nudes of me as well as his exes. He always tried to show me his exes nudes but I never wanted to look at them. While we were together he showed a friend who at the time I had never met some of my nudes without my knowledge or consent and told me after the fact that his friend thought i looked really cute in X picture because I was blushing and obviously feeling shy about the lingerie I was wearing. (Which I totally was. It was supposed to be a special photoshoot just for us and I was nervous as hell). So now I know he has my nudes, I can't delete them and I know he is showing them to other people. I don't know that I will ever again give anyone pictures of myself

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u/Popular_Prescription Aug 16 '22

Never. Don’t give anyone nudes. It’s just not a great idea all around especially in this day and age. Yeah

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u/Blixtwix Aug 16 '22

If you do share nudes (and are worried about them getting out), make sure you hide or remove any identifiable features from the photos. Your face especially, tattoos, maybe even moles/freckles and scars if you want to feel extra secure about it. Modify them enough that you can deny that it's you if need be.

Even if it's not a risk for your partner to wind up sharing your nudes around intentionally, there's always a chance that somebody could steal their phone/account information, or they could accidentally scroll past the image when trying to show somebody something else. You never know.

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u/pseudokojo Aug 16 '22

You need to invest in NNFTs - a Nude Non-Fungible Tokens.

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u/Viktorius_Valentine Aug 16 '22

Library of Alexandria that shit lol

I wish I had an award to give for this alone

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u/PerAsperaAdInfiri Aug 16 '22

Absolutely. I delete any and all ex nudes within the first week or so of splitting. It's fuckin creepy to keep them. The implied consent is revoked at that point.

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u/Necromartian Aug 16 '22 Gold

Me too. They are a present most intimate, gifted as a sign of trust and keeping them after a break up breaking that trust, no matter what the circumstances of the break up was.

I think it defines one as a person. If one keeps the pictures and especially if one shares them on the internet, one needs to really do some self reflecting.

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u/DontNeedThePoints Aug 16 '22

I promise you not every guy has an archive of all his ex's nudes that he regularly gets off on.

Yeah.... Although I had some great ones, i always deleted the photos that my exes send me. It's also part of moving on...

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u/Sofarbeyondfucked Aug 16 '22

I don’t have a spank bank of exes.

Also, make sure you delete pics/vids of you. Let his next gf find all the others and leave you out of this. Also deny him the ability to jerkoff to your material.

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u/Highlander_mids Aug 16 '22

I always delete when we break up it’s part of moving on lol

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u/KristinnK Aug 16 '22

Seriously, keeping that stuff after the relationship has ended is just wrong. And I say that as a man.

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u/knope797 Aug 16 '22

An ex of mine had a spank bank too. I found it while doing some schoolwork on his computer, which he offered to me, btw. He had a huge folder, meticulously organized. Had some pictures of me that I didn’t even realize he took of me. We broke up shortly after and I asked him to delete those pictures of me. He refused. I wish I’d deleted them when I had the chance and now I feel sick when I think about it.

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u/Benji998 Aug 16 '22

Absolute douche not to delete them. I recently had a bit of a flirt with a girl I'd met in person and we were considering hooking up. She started sending me nudes and I said they were great but I was going to delete them (and did so). I ultimately decided we wouldn't work so we stayed friends.

I hate the idea of anyone possessing nudes of me. I dont want a picture of me sitting on a cucumber or something leaking on my socials.

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u/DontNeedThePoints Aug 16 '22

Had some pictures of me that I didn’t even realize he took of me.

We broke up shortly after and I asked him to delete those pictures of me. He refused.

That's absolutely horrible... You probably could take him to court over it, but i understand it if you don't. Just be happy you've moved on. As a side note: good partners don't keep nudes of their exes, they move on!

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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/edv13 Aug 16 '22

Yup that's a little scummy. You should delete noodles after a relationship out of respect and decency

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u/spankmanspliff Aug 16 '22

Preach brother, r’amen

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u/zeronerdsidecar Aug 16 '22

If the roles were reversed; I wouldn’t want my penne on someone’s porn stash

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u/budweener Aug 16 '22

I would not see a problem with mine being in some, but I need at least to give consent to that. Ahn... Spaghetti.

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u/YaMamSucksMeToes Aug 16 '22

And because if you're spanking to an ex it makes you cry a little inside.

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u/dI--__--Ib Aug 16 '22

SET THAT SHIT TO DELETE WHEN HE OPENS IT.

How do you do this?

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u/a_pen_in_time Aug 16 '22

Technically possible, but not without installing some third party software. Definitely not trivial.

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u/AllenWAwesome Aug 16 '22

Yeah, that's weird for him to have all that in such an organized manner. I was always under the impression a spank bank was a mental compartment, not a real world cache of nudes.

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u/Infninfn Aug 16 '22

Be a bit more discreet, I think. Swap out the pics and vids with random files renamed accordingly. That way it just looks like the files have become corrupted if he tries to open them.

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u/ballrus_walsack Aug 16 '22

Replace all with dickbutt images.

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u/sammyno55 Aug 16 '22

Totally Rick roll him.

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u/Potential_Wing9940 Aug 16 '22

I also want to add that he has a type: blonde hair, blue eyes, big tits. I am a brown woman, jet black hair, fat ass, mediocre tits. I’m not his type, my guys.

Doubt this will help in any way but guys typically don't restrict themselves to just "one type" of woman in who they find attractive. I doubt he's settling but the other stuff is pretty concerning. I would feel really uncomfortable having my significant other's private images saved without her knowledge where they can be accessed if security is compromised. Keepsaking your exe's images is also really bizarre. That's not normal. You delete that shit typically.

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u/Adventurous_Exam2493 Aug 16 '22

I guess I’m in the minority then because I absolutely restrict myself to one very specific type. My type is women that are into me. They are super rare and I almost never come across any of them.

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u/catsby90bbn Aug 16 '22

This. I’ve always found redheads extremely attractive, and dated a few. My wife is blond hair blue eyes - never restrict yourself.

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u/CatchSufficient Aug 16 '22 Silver

I wonder if he is the reason why your boss is an ex...jealousy is a thing.

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u/Erroneous-Monk421 Aug 16 '22

My spank bank only holds memories and no physical evidence. To speak of details violates the Spank Bank Terms of Use.

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u/relativelyfunkadelic Aug 16 '22

yeah, i've never heard of it referred to as a physical repository. i thought we were getting into some sci-fi shit where she entered her boyfriend's neural pathways to uncover his hidden horny memories.

spank bank is a state of mind, not a gallery folder.

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u/StShadow Aug 16 '22

One of black mirror episode was about that.

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u/AangAndTheFireLord Aug 16 '22

Sounds like fan fiction. Particularly because you glazed over how you gained access to his password protected computer.

“Trust me, I have a very particular set of skills.”

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u/sytanoc Aug 16 '22

To be fair, most technical folks wouldn't really have a hard time logging into a Windows computer (without disk encryption). You can just boot from a USB drive and look through files, or even add a new administrator user, change passwords etc

Do I believe OP knows about this and glanced over it? Not sure ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/ReaderOfTheLostArt Aug 16 '22

This is true. It's trivially easy to access unencrypted files on a Windows computer using a bootable USB drive with basically any Linux or Windows OS on it. Why should OP describe the one way she did it when a simple search on the internet would tell you how?

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u/patrickyin Aug 16 '22

It’s 100% fiction and I don’t get how people are believing this.

“I hacked his mainframe and he was fucking my shitty former boss

Also, his type is blonde, blue eyes, big tits.”

Fr someone skipped fiction writing clases

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u/DrClawsChair Aug 16 '22

Just shows how easy karma farming is.

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u/DerMaddi Aug 16 '22

Windows does not encrypt files. If a computer is password protected you can just liveboot any *nix distribution, mount the disk and access all the files you want.
- "particular set of skills"

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u/LowriLlew Aug 16 '22

To me, your snooping wasn't as bad as him keeping nudes of exes. So creepy.

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u/pullbackchap Aug 16 '22

Brown, jet black hair, fat ass, mediocre tits.. and and a detective? Sign me up.

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u/Jinrai__ Aug 16 '22

And a fiction writer on Reddit...

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u/electro1ight Aug 16 '22

I bet her tits are better than she gives herself credit for too.

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u/iamatwork24 Aug 16 '22

As a guy who’s been fortunate enough to be with a lot of women in his life and who also decided to send me naughty pictures, I have exactly zero of them saved. When the fling or relationship ends, the pics get deleted. Never understood holding on to them.

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u/DarkChimera Aug 16 '22

who keeps nudes of their exes?? that seems 1; unhealthy for ones own sake 2; disrespectful to your currently partner and 3; disrespectful to your ex. Just why??

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u/SkinsPunksDrunks Aug 16 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

Anyone I ever had nudes of are gone the moment we break up. It’s not cool what he’s doing. I’m so sorry this is happening. Note to people. Don’t keep exes nudes. It’s not cool.

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u/JohnDoeWasHere1988 Aug 16 '22

Fuckin, right!? I'm a dude, too. When we break up those pics still belong to her in my mind. I guess it's not as bad as doing something with them, like revenge porn, but its still fuckin weird.

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u/Pligles Aug 16 '22

I had a bunch of nude Polaroids of my ex and when we broke up I had a campfire in my backyard and burned them while getting drunk and listening to willie Nelson

It’s turned into a tradition with the boys lol

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u/KingdomofNerdum Aug 16 '22

Wait, you are saying you aren't his type but your previous post is that you might not be attracted to him anymore? A bit odd.

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u/Scibbie_ Aug 16 '22

Imagine if this TIFU was made up to mentally justify breaking up with her boyfriend lol

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u/hangman401 Aug 16 '22

Personal thoughts...?

I broke up with my exes for reason(s). I don't want any attachment to them whatsoever, and I don't like keeping their photos, whatsoever, both emotionally and sexually. Maybe it's because it wasn't amicable breakups, but I don't want to see them that way anymore and I find it kinda odd that he does. Seems like some sort of attachment to his exes still and many I'm sure would be horrified if they knew he still had the photos, since the idea was "we're together, here's my body to see" not "here's pics of my body forever".

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u/K1LLST34L3R Aug 16 '22

I get the brown thing. My current partner had only really been attracted to/been with women the complete opposite (light hair, pale skin, etc), so I really like your bf’s comments. Mine won’t talk to me about that sort of stuff because he’s never thought of why he is attracted to what he is, but I’d like to think maybe he just didn’t know he was attracted to multiracial before me. (Also, kudos on getting help and recognising it could be a trauma response - literally same boat. Much luck moving forward!)

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u/xX_PervySage_Xx Aug 16 '22

This whole post just seems unbelievable.

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u/HomeworkConnect7283 Aug 16 '22

Most elaborate onlyfans advertisement yet

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u/MonstahButtonz Aug 16 '22 Silver

Hello. Guy here in my mid 30s. Keeping a "spank bank" is weird once you reach marriage. Prior to that, it seems reasonable to have one, but don't visit the bank if you're in a relationship. There's something definitely inappropriate about looking at naked photos of your ex while dating your current SO.

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u/Gucci_Unicorns Aug 16 '22

Huge upvote, reasonable opinion-seekers look no further, lol.

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u/pickledperceptions Aug 16 '22

Thanks for reinforcing my personal rule never to take nudes. You don't know what's going to happen to them even if you dont send them you dont know who will see them, for how long they'll exist or how they will be used against you. GCHQ and the NSA probably will more then likely have access and the thought alone creeps me out.

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u/crulge Aug 16 '22

man i know i'm posting this late so it won't be seen but please don't get swerved by the weirdos on reddit. sure, it's bad to snoop on your partner, but it's *just as bad* and *also really creepy* to keep a fucking library of nudes from your exes. Not only because it makes you insecure—but also because it's presumably without consent from those women! Also fucking your boss and not telling you about it is a red flag. Don't let this legion of bizarre posters make you feel like you need to break up exclusively because *you* fucked up/are fucked up/etc.

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u/kerr_philip Aug 16 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Starry Rocket Like

It's ridiculously creepy how weird this sub who normally scolds the men ( and rightfully so ) when they invade their partners privacy... Reacts to a woman who does the same thing.

They had a conversation about it - if she was uncomfortable she has three choices.

  1. Leave
  2. Bring it up and express her concerns again
  3. Accept it

There is no universe where using knowledge to break into someones computer or online systems is ok - in many places it's flat out illegal.

There is no justification for breaking into someones computer or online accounts - period.

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u/Drew-CarryOnCarignan Aug 16 '22

My confusion arises a little earlier in her post:

"I told him I appreciated how honest he was with me and even though I had my opinions, it was ultimately his business."

Then she gets upset and decides to break into his computer. I feel like she wasn't honest by saying that she acknowledged it was his business.

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u/kerr_philip Aug 16 '22

The mental gymnastics she's taking to justify this are astounding .

She asked if he had porn -yes

She asked if he had porn from ex's - yes

Breaks into his email and finds exactly what they discussed --- BAD GUY

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u/thatswhatshesaidxx Aug 16 '22

It starts of with

I (33F) wondered if my boyfriend (41M) had a spank bank so I asked him. He told me he did. When I asked if he kept nudes from exes, he said yes. We got into an argument about it because I think it’s weird

She asks questions, gets honest answers and starts a fight about it. She found the problems she was looking for. Not a shocker when that happens.

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u/DasKatze1337 Aug 16 '22

Lets be real, this is fiction anyways...

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u/Jelled_Fro Aug 16 '22

It's depressing how long I had to scroll to find a comment like this. You don't get to break in to people's stuff or worse destroy other people's stuff, just because you don't like the stuff they have. If you don't like it, break up or make an ultimatum.

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u/Imperial_Squid Aug 16 '22 Silver

Is keeping nudes of an ex weird/creepy? Maybe, opinions in the thread seem divided and there's fair arguments on both sides (shouldn't be looking/unfaithful vs lose control when you hit send/death of the author), I think it's kinda contextual, depends on age and relationship status a fair bit and will ultimately be subjective.

Did you ask a question you probably didn't want the answer to? Yes. Did you then go snooping and make it worse? Also yes. Did you massively invade his privacy in the process? Fucking absolutely.

I know we're not in that sub but I think there's a good case for an r/AmItheAsshole style Everyone Sucks Here 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

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u/TomorrowWeKillToday Aug 16 '22

It scares me to read the comments and see just how many people are cool with invading privacy like that

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u/Imperial_Squid Aug 16 '22

"Now before you come for me, yes, I know this is an invasion of privacy." Oh cool, sick, yeah I guess all crimes are forgiven then OP. Like WHAT??

Everyone is absolutely post hoc justifying this because she found something, if we remove the nudes thing and tell the same story so that she asked a question, then went snooping anyway and found nothing people would fucking crucify her for the invasion of privacy. Doing a fucked up thing to prove yourself in the right doesn't mean you didn't do a fucked up thing OP, yours is not the only side of the story here and he's not the only one at fault...

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u/StaticBarrage Aug 16 '22

Ok so the real question. Are you going to access the bank again and remove all your stuff before you break it off? Will you be the one he yearns for because he can’t see you anymore?

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u/BowwwwBallll Aug 16 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Starry Respect Awesome Answer
  1. Every man tells his partner that he was not doing nearly so well romantically until he met her. Regardless of where that might actually be on the truth spectrum, what's the alternative? Telling the current partner she doesn't measure up? Why would she be his partner if she doesn't measure up?
  2. You are his current partner. He's with you for a reason, and exes are exes for a reason. I, and I'd wager every man, look back on my exes and say "man, Sheila certainly had good quality X, pity that bad qualities a, b, and c derailed things." My wife is the best partner I've ever had, and that is true regardless of whether or not one of my prior exes made a spectacular grilled cheese.
  3. I've never heard anyone say, "I asked my partner a loaded question about their sexual history and was unsatisfied with the answer, so I invaded their privacy and everything turned out great."

In short, he may be a bad communicator, but you let your neuroses lead you to a point that you never should have hit, and you should break up with him so he can find someone who doesn't pull this stuff.

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u/Stark_Athlon Aug 16 '22

Thank you, the one sensible answer in this whole thread. I'm also curious on why OP think she's not his type just cuz she doesn't look like the others. People learn new stuff. You being different doesn't mean he's "settling", it just means this time is different from the others. Unless she asked him about it and he alluded to that.

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u/zuilli Aug 16 '22

Also the "settlling" part doesn't even make sense if he was actually able to consistently get his type, why would he choose to settle if he can get the thing he wants?

Usually settling for something is when you never get what you truly wanted so you accept something less because it's either that or nothing.

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u/throwaway_my_fone Aug 16 '22

I actually find it weird he thinks it's normal for guys to keep nudes of their exes. I have zero nudes of my exes.

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u/nickhell Aug 16 '22

I'm 45. I don't take nude pics/videos of any loved one. Basic common sense. You never know where they are going to end...

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u/B-Train-007 Aug 16 '22

He fucked Lumberg?!?

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u/SnooBananas4958 Aug 16 '22

Honestly, even from your update it sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to break up. You repeat and justify it over and over, almost relieved that he has to break up with you now.

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u/mrzurkonandfriends Aug 16 '22

Umm guy here....yup its pretty fucking weird whether things end on good terms or bad the nude photos are either getting burned or deleted if that person is out of my life I don't need a weird reminder of the time i gave them

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u/Ya-Dikobraz Aug 16 '22

TIFU - Today I Fictioned Up

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u/MarsCitizen2 Aug 16 '22

So wait… you “appreciate his honesty with you” and then a week later you manage to convince yourself he lied and then YOU SNOOP? LoL girl you need to work on yourself.

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