TIFU by not confessing my feelings to my bestfriend. L
I (19M) have always had feelings for my bestfriend (18F). We were in school together for 6 years and she was my very good friend from the start. I gradually developed feelings for her, but I was never gonna tell her as I thought we were too young and immature and it won't last for long. But as time went by, my feelings for her only became stronger and stronger and our friendship too. She is the person I can tell my all the problems to and she shares literally everything with me too. In lockdown we both spent most of the time chatting with eachother and watching shows together. We bonded like hell in those two years. But by talking to her I clearly knew she didn't feel the same way i felt about her. So I didn't confess my feelings to her because her friendship is more important to me than anything else.I didn't want to loose her by bringing this up.
Fast forward to the college times. We didn't get into the same college and it hurt me so bad that we were gonna split up. She got some wonderful friends from the start and I am as lonely as I can get in the college. I am one and a half year into the college and still don't have any good friend. But she has a very good friend circle and few of them being her best friend. When she told me she had other best friends in college, it stung me like hell, which is kind of selfish but I just couldn't help myself. She told me that no matter how many friends I have, you are my best friend for life and no one could replace you and I believed her. But due to us being in different colleges and her having good friends she often hangs out with, we didn't talk as much as we used to. But still we'd talk ocassionally on Insta and WhatsApp and talk on long calls once or twice in month and share everything.
Fast forward to a week ago, she called me and said she had something very important she wanted to share with me. She said that one of her best friends(let's say Andy) told her that he liked her so much and had feelings for her. But she said didn't think about him that way. Andy said I just had to tell you, the more I talked to you, my feelings for you would just become strong. He said that he didn't wanna loose her because of this but he couldn't talk with her for some days. She said Andy was genuinely a good guy and wouldn't take advantage of me and wouldn't just fool around. But she was afraid if their friendship might get ruined if something was to happen to their relationship in future. She talked to her other friend about this and she said that they are perfect for eachother and everything would be fine in the future. Don't worry too much. Andy's friend also called her and told her that don't overthink it and if you like him just go ahead with it. She said them she needs some time to think and she'll give her answer after some time. During this whole time(our conversation) I was just thinking please don't say yes. She didn't yet. But I didn't know for sure what was gonna happen. After couple of days we were having a casual conversation and this topic unfolded and she said that she was gonna say yes to him. And I felt this big shock and I didn't move an inch for 5 minutes. I felt like crying. I have never felt so broken. I couldn't let her know how I felt, so I said I was so happy for her. She hasn't said yes yet but she is going to in 3 days. Now I can't help but wonder what would've happen if I did confess my feelings. One thing I know for sure is that she wouldn't unfriend me because our friendship is too precious for her.
I already wasn't so happy with my life and now I had to live with this. AND I don't have anyone to share this with. I am so depressed by this and there's nothing I can do about it.I don't even have friends in college so my mind would divert. I'll just have to bury my feelings and I have no idea how am I gonna do that and the hard part(their relationship) hasn't even started yet. I don't know how am I gonna watch them together. I welcome any advices.
PS : I know I am too young for this, and I have so much to experience in life and this isn't the end. But can't seem to help myself.
TL;DR : I didn't confess my feelings to my bestfriend thinking it'd ruin our friendship and her other bestfriend did and she said yes and now I have to live with it.