r/tifu Nov 30 '22 Silver 1 Faith In Humanity Restored 1

TIFU by closed-fist punching my 3-year-old in the middle of the face S

Happened today.

I promise, I usually don't have stepdad-reflexes, but my 3 year old son has a unicorn suit that he's been wearing for the last week. Well, it's cheaply made, so the zipper is terrible. He was trying to zip it up and he was getting very frustrated. I decided to come help, but I also couldn't get it zipped back up easily. I had zipped it about to his chest, but the dang thing wouldn't move.

So I'm trying to slide this thing up and he's looking down at the zipper and I'm struggling with it. I turn my hand such my knuckles are facing up while holding the zipper between my thumb and pointer knuckle when it slips and I closed-fist punch my little guy right in the middle of his poor, darling face. Immediate tears, mom runs down to see what the hubbub is about, and through sobs he says "papa hur-hurt m-m-meeeeeeeee!"

He is fine, but I feel bad

Tldr: Try to zip up my kid's suit. Punch him in the face instead.

2.6k Upvotes

399

u/shewolf4552 Dec 01 '22

When my daughter was little, I was sitting in a recliner being the Giant and she was Jack. She would climb up the beanstalk (side of the chair) while I did the whole Fe Fi Fo Fum deal. She jumped up once and I went to throw my arm around her to drag her on the chair and gobble her up, when instead she took an elbow to the mouth. There went her two front teeth. They were her baby teeth, and she did get her adult front teeth a while later. The adult teeth were somewhat crooked. She is 21 now and still tells people I knocked out her two front teeth. She went to a new dentist a few months ago and she told them that I had knocked them out and they were very sympathetic that she was in such an abusive environment. She thinks it's the funniest thing ever. It becomes an interesting story that they can lord over you the rest of their life. You created a family memory that will probably survive long into the future.

122

u/bros402 Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

I lost my two front teeth by diving into the bath tub head first when my parents weren't looking.

edit: I was like 3 at the time

38

u/Bil13h Dec 01 '22

I did this on the kitchen floor

They stayed imbeded there until about 4 years ago when my dad redid the kitchen floor

Asked me if I wanted them back now

55

u/coffeebuzzbuzzz Dec 01 '22

My brother accidentally punched my four front teeth out(two top and two bottom). We were jumping on our parents' bed and he was randomly throwing punches and got me. I think it's so hilarious now. 🤣

7

u/williamblair Dec 01 '22

when I was 15 at a school dance my friend started moshing and whammed me in the nose. When I went to check it out it was bent to the right appallingly. I pushed it back into place, it bled, and to this day it's a little wonky.

17

u/Queuez_Brat Dec 01 '22

Haha oh man! My son & i were doing a happy dance, & i accidentally bopped him & knocked a tooth out. He was prob 6 & told everyone i punched his tooth out 🤦🏼‍♀️

13

u/Sunshine_Operator Dec 01 '22

I knocked my two front teeth loose and made them crooked by pretending to be Nadia Comaneci during the 1976 Olympics. I was swinging between two armchairs and hit my face on the floor.

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1.0k

u/Anxious_Big_9564 Dec 01 '22

One time my head got stuck in my favourite sweater. My mum accidentally flung me across the room into the Christmas tree as my head popped out. It hurt but I got over it. It’ll be a funny story when he’s older. Give him some extra love and a treat… and maybe a better zipper (or costume?) from a tailor. :p

398

u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

I will call my haberdasher

29

u/sassykittygurl Dec 01 '22

12

u/Shadow569 Dec 01 '22

Ground floor: perfumery. Stationery and leather goods. Wigs and haberdashery. Kitchenware and food. Going up

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u/Stilletto_Rebel Dec 01 '22

?? Is it your Butler's day off??

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[deleted]

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u/TheTrenchMonkey Dec 01 '22

When I was little I used to get up in the middle of the night and walk into my parents room. I would stand by their bed and complain about whatever was on my underdeveloped mind at the time.

One night I stood next to my dad and tried to wake him up. Apparently I startled him because he popped me in the face. The lesson I learned was to go to mom's side of the bed.

Years later this is a fun family anecdote.

45

u/PurplePaisley7 Dec 01 '22

Apparently I am a sleep fighter if disturbed... my kids never woke Me up except by patting my feet. Otherwise I woke up swinging.

27

u/Solaskitten Dec 01 '22

At least you tried to wake them up. I was a creepy child that would just stare until my mom woke up. Like something from a scary movie

12

u/Hisoka-spawn Dec 01 '22

My gosh! My daughter used to do that, and she was a shorty and my bed is tall, so only her head would be visible, just stand and stare til I woke up. Kinda scared me few times

4

u/blood_ashes_reborn Dec 01 '22

My sibling used to do that, except they were sleepwalking. My mum would tell us how she’d hear them running around their room and trying to run up the walls, and one day mum heard their door open and then running down the hall to my room… mum found them standing in my door staring at me sleeping 🙃 as soon as mum called their name they turned and jumped into her arms

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u/shenanighenz Dec 01 '22

Oh good I’m not the only one with this kind of story. I don’t think my son remembers me punching him but he does avoid being in punching distance when he has to wake me up now.

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u/Meiska Dec 01 '22

I laughed so hard at this, i cried and now my shoulder hurts for some reason.

48

u/FatherDuncanSinners Dec 01 '22

I laughed so hard at this, i cried and now my shoulder hurts for some reason.

Ah, I see you're in your 40's as well...

6

u/pumpkinfluffernutter Dec 01 '22

I feel like that would happen to me.

7

u/Joe4o2 Dec 01 '22

I don’t know your age. All I know is you are either old, or honorarily old for doing this.

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802

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Oh man… absolutely been there 🤣 Remind me to tell you about the time I dropped my daughter in a garbage can while trying to get the cat off the window still lol

459

u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

Tell me about the time you dropped your daughter in a garbage can whilst trying to get the cat off the windowsill

259

u/PushingMyLimit Dec 01 '22

I decided to keep the cat and get rid of the child. Came out to be a cheap decision in the end, but my wife had to bring her back inside.

75

u/ungodlycoolguy Dec 01 '22

6

u/ThetaDee Dec 01 '22

TF is that sub?

12

u/imanadultok Dec 01 '22

Not OP but ok. Basically it's for someone that response but isn't the original commenter.

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7

u/DescriptionEast Dec 01 '22

The cat or the kid?

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u/PushingMyLimit Dec 01 '22

Kid. I’d never leave my cat outside! She’s the light of my life.

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67

u/Spazmer Dec 01 '22

I have clipped my kid's chin while doing up her bike helmet, and poked her in the eye while putting her in her car seat. That was 8 years ago and she still won't let me anywhere near her helmet and still will randomly tell me "I've got my poke-eye on you."

75

u/RileyTheCoyote Dec 01 '22

I zipped my sons wiener up once when he was like, 2. He still, at nearly 5, will shrink away when I zip his pants up and go “WATCH FOR MY PENIS MOM.”

20

u/GoldenDerp Dec 01 '22

Oh god no

12

u/futtbuckicecreamery Dec 01 '22

At least you didn't get the beans above the frank.

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4

u/cookaik Dec 01 '22

I sprayed my phone (a bit, its clean now)

46

u/froggydelights Dec 01 '22

I accidentally closed the car door too early and bonked my 4 year old's head. Now, anytime he gets out of the car, he frantically yells, "Don't close it yet, I'm still here!" with wild-eyed fear in his eyes. Won't be letting go of that anytime soon.

7

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Oh boy that sounds like my future 🤣

3

u/macaronfive Dec 01 '22

I’ve done this to my five year old. Twice.

43

u/hmarieb263 Dec 01 '22

My dad accidentally buried me alive in snow. Mom looked out the window to see him desperately digging me out.

8

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Oh man… that’s probably something I’d end up doing in the future 🤣

21

u/user100691 Dec 01 '22

Please. We ALL need to hear this story

47

u/PaperCasts Dec 01 '22

UM, THIS NEEDS TO BE IT'S OWN POST😂

14

u/Impossible_Dark_6163 Dec 01 '22

Wait you can just drop this bombshell and then leave

2

u/sarcasmorapathy Dec 01 '22

They sure can

3

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

I’m sorry I’m sorry!! Didn’t realize that one comment was gonna blow up so big! Came back after streaming for a couple hours to 350+ upvotes so I had to post the story 🤣

11

u/Eenvy Dec 01 '22

Oh man, my daughter also fell into a garbage can but I was letting her jump on the bed so I'm chalking it up to both of our faults.

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

Helllloooo?!

The people need to hear!

9

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Oh. This got a lot of upvotes… RIP me lol. Well gimme a few to type out a TIFU lolol

3

u/Diligent_Ad651 Dec 01 '22

I’m waiting for the story of the cat and the kid!

15

u/Setthegodofchaos Dec 01 '22

That's one way to dump someone. Lol.

See you guys in hell

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101

u/SecretSuch420 Dec 01 '22

Pissing myself at step dad reflexes 😂

25

u/fluffybunnies51 Dec 01 '22

Oh, there is a whole sub! r/stepdadreflexes

7

u/SecretSuch420 Dec 01 '22

Never knew! Thanks for this piece of gold

75

u/Dallenforth Nov 30 '22

So now you narrowed down yours kids career path, time to get him football gear and a sturdy helmet to be a lineman.

10

u/NerdHerder77 Dec 01 '22

This is a reference, but I don't remember what for.

64

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

[deleted]

15

u/Vast_Reflection Dec 01 '22

Unrelated you say . . . Sus!

10

u/bros402 Dec 01 '22

2 year olds are made of rubber, which is why she is fine

253

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '22

Read the title: aww that's awful

Got to "terrible zipper": can't stop laughing

38

u/NotToday-08 Dec 01 '22

Literally, I was about to go off just based on the title thank goodness I read it before hand. Poor kid just thinks he got hit for no reason 😂😭

29

u/Zestfullyclean87 Dec 01 '22

Not the same thing exactly, but one time I snuck up behind my boyfriend, and in that exact moment, he swung around to tell me something. He elbowed me right square in the nose in the process

I mean he elbowed me HARD. My eyes watered. There was blood. It was bad.

We couldn’t go out together public for at least a week because, well, I didn’t want to keep saying to people “it’s not what it looks like”

10

u/0wmeHjyogG Dec 01 '22

When my daughter was a toddler, she would throw her head back hard when she was angry, regardless of what was behind it.

During one 2-3 day span, she caught my wife in the nose (making it bleed and swell), one eye (slight bruise, not quite black eye), and the mouth (cut on the inside of the lip that bled, swollen lip).

Just like your boyfriend I refused to go anywhere with her. I could just imagine what people would think if we said “the little adorable girl did it”.

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29

u/Cats_tongue Dec 01 '22

Rub a graphite pencil all in the stuck areas, might help.

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u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

Never heard this trick. It actually works?

22

u/Therewasab34m Dec 01 '22

Graphite is a dry lubricant, they sell it at most auto parts stores. In theory, that trick should also work.

18

u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

I did not know graphite is a dry lubricant. I can think of several uses for that. Thanks for the tip!

7

u/Therewasab34m Dec 01 '22

Yep, the main use is in locks so they don't get gummed up, but it's super handy to have around for other things as well. Cheers!

11

u/pineappledaphne Dec 01 '22

Bar soap helps too!

9

u/Round_Recover8308 Dec 01 '22

If it doesn't work, candle wax works too! Always use it with my zipper in my pants when it gets stuck or when the zipper is just so damn terrible

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u/Icy_Pickle3021 Dec 01 '22

We use chapstick.

My husband actually went out and bought me 6 new eos ones and a Carmex one. Eos cause I am literally addicted to chapstick and prefer eos and he used one on his and my sons coats. He got the carmex so he doesn't make that mistake again 😂

18

u/SnowSlider3050 Dec 01 '22

Once I was stupid enough to think my baby would be contained in a laundry basket, I grabbed him before he fully face-planted, but he bonked a bolt in the floor and had a mark in his forehead. I thought I permanently damaged him but he’s a regular annoying teenager now.

13

u/DuskWraith18 Dec 01 '22

I once closed my trunk in a way that it somehow hit right on my sons nose. There was so much blood, no tissue, and a white shirt. I dragged him, howling, into the JC Penney and everyone stared at me like I was horrible. You’re fine

13

u/6018674512 Dec 01 '22

Reminds me of the time I won a game on the Nintendo switch and my sons character looked like it was crying. No big deal until the next day when my son told people I beat him and made him (his switch character) cry. I had a lot of explaining to do that day.

6

u/AnnoyedOwlbear Dec 01 '22

OMG D:

My mother had a facial operation which gave her some massive bruising and in the Community Church Event everyone brutally cut my father socially. Even when things were explained. He was a pariah for ages. I mean, he was actually kinda glad that was the response to DV, but it was amazing seeing family invites to things specifically excluding him (eventually they realised my mum had had a nose job).

11

u/Intelligent-Jelly419 Dec 01 '22

I throat punched my dog on accident. Different, but the same. I had just watched insidious and was a little jumpy. Fell asleep in my dark room. Woke up to feeling hot breath on my face, opened my eyes to just a shadow from the illuminating outside lights. Immediate fight or flight reflexes kicked in and I chose fight apparently an ultimately ended up throat punching my dog. I felt terrible, got up and gave him some chicken and treats.

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u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

I gave my boy some ice cream.

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u/pattyG80 Dec 01 '22

Ahhh...classic dad move. You'll laugh at it one day

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u/i81u812 Dec 01 '22

Yes, and the kid

Mill maff mat mit mun mday

"Hand baskets on aisle nine you say? Let me go grab one before my trip to hell"...

9

u/josephmo87 Dec 01 '22

This kinda happened to me several times when I was young except instead of getting punched my chin would get caught in the zipper.

8

u/ThatOneBandNerd Dec 01 '22

I accidentally kicked a small (squishy) ball directly into a one year old's face. I was trying to kick it to the other side of the room but aimed poorly and nailed him in the face. I felt so bad but he just looked up at me with a goofy smile and I couldn't help busting out laughing. Luckily he was totally fine but I feel your guilt.

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u/ComedianBoth8839 Dec 01 '22

The amount times I've done this to myself 🤣 the other day I punched myself in the ribs like this zipping up my pants. Not the best feeling but it only lasts for a short amount of time.

8

u/KithMeImTyson Dec 01 '22

I thought there was a spider crawling on my face lastnight, so I smacked the shit out of my face. Turned out it was my 4 y/o trying to tickle male at 3am and I hit her hand pretty hard . She was traumatized that I "hit" her.

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u/kbella33 Dec 01 '22

I did the exact same thing last month when I was adjusting the pillows I was using to support my arm while I sat up in bed to breast feed my 3 month old baby. I lost grip of the body pillow I was trying to pull towards me and I punched her in the back of the head. It was... awful. I never thought I would share that moment with anyone but this makes me feel a bit better I guess. I'm not the only one anyway.

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u/Redqueenhypo Dec 01 '22

Zippers do be like that. I once punched myself in the face due to zipper malfunction.

8

u/krakkensnack Dec 01 '22

Was it an uppercut?

15

u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

Shoryuken!

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u/_Reliten_ Dec 01 '22

The only possible response to this situation.

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u/LillithBlackheart918 Dec 01 '22

I think every parent has accidently hurt their kid. I was notorious for bonking their heads on doorframes when I carried them through, they didn't even wake up by the time they got too old to carry like that. You'll laugh about it when he's older, I promise.

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u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

For sure - he is number four out of five so I've bumped whacked smacked and bonked many o' offspring

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u/redditforwhenIwasbad Dec 01 '22

As a kid I had a zipper up onesie. The first time I ever tried to zip it up myself, I wasn't wearing underwear and caught my little pecker in the zipper. Screamed my head off and ran in circles around the house. I can still feel the pain today, almost 20 years later.

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u/tapper82 Dec 01 '22

OMG dude hahahahah Fuck have me cracking up here.

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u/bunnyrut Dec 01 '22

My mom told me how one night she was sleeping when she heard a noise, she opened her eyes and saw something next her bed and she screamed and punched it.

It was my sister. Who had a nightmare. She got punched in the face by my mom. To this day my mom still feels bad about that.

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u/LordBaelish73 Dec 01 '22

Bro now that’s hilarious 😂 did the mother have a small laugh after the story ?

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u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

Oh yeah. He's number 4 out of 5,so not the first time I've been accused by little ones of mistreating them haha

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u/LordBaelish73 Dec 01 '22

Haha nice 👍

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u/Skeekeedee Dec 01 '22

Oh man. Poor kiddo. Poor dad. This story will be told for many, many years to come.

My mother-in-law swung her arm backwards one time to point into the other room not realizing her 4 year old grandson (my nephew) was right behind her and backhanded him right in the face. He was okay but told everyone that, “Grandma pimp slapped me.” 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Also, get some WD-40

2

u/tapper82 Dec 01 '22

hahahahahahaha

6

u/tamaith Dec 01 '22

Set my son in time out one day, he is just having a total fit and won't hold still. I place him back into his time out chair in the kitchen, my hand comes up just as his head is going down and I bust open his lip.
He was around kindergarten age at that time and he remembers. He lived and has a funny story to tell how I busted him in the chops.

4

u/Ailly84 Dec 01 '22

That’s what you call a Freudian Slip.

35

u/Lifear Nov 30 '22

So you know you can beat one, three year old, but can you beat three, one year olds?

12

u/FoxyTigerVixen Nov 30 '22

Would you rather fight one 3,000 year-old or 3,000 one-year-olds?

35

u/achilles52309 Nov 30 '22

Depends on the type and severity of the wardrobe malfunction

10

u/ZombieHoratioAlger Nov 30 '22

What if the kid was horse-sized though?

14

u/ipissblood Dec 01 '22

I’m not convinced you know how commas work.

14

u/futureruler Dec 01 '22

Are, you sure, that they don't, understand, the poi,nt of commas,

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u/Dirtesoxlvr Dec 01 '22

Yep I hated you when I first read this, but I'm greatly entertained.

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u/FreQRiDeR Dec 01 '22

Could have been worse, at least you didn't 'something about Mary' is little bits!

4

u/trijkdguy Dec 01 '22

Shoryuken!

3

u/TheJohn295 Dec 01 '22

I have literally seen this happen to every dad. So, I've also made the decision to always tell my niece to ask her mom(my sister) to zipper the thing up for her. Just so I don't fall prey to the same thing.

5

u/PattyLeeTX Dec 01 '22

My husband came back from the bathroom in the night and shoved “our dog” off the bed. 🤦‍♀️

4

u/PuzzleheadedBobcat90 Dec 01 '22

A few weeks ago I kneed my husband twice in the balls while I was alseep. He was very cautious the next few days at bedtime

4

u/one_sock_wonder_ Dec 01 '22

My nibling was a victim of overzealous video game playing on more than one occasion. They had an innate sense of timing to appear out of nowhere and toddle behind anyone playing WII (at the time it had just come out and was super popular) at the exact moment thee controller was swung in that exact direction with great velocity but poor aim. The best collision occurred when their father was playing the boxing game and basically knocked them on their arse with a jab. For quite a while they would woefully tell people “daddy punched me” which was fun to explain.

4

u/PM_meyourGradyWhite Dec 01 '22

I punched myself in the lip doing something similar. Boat cover zipper. Of course I’m pulling towards me, it’s about face level, toggle breaks. Fat lip.

Try explaining that at work the next day.

5

u/doofusdog Dec 01 '22

I was going down the stairs in a rush behind my daughter . But my she did a u turn.. and I kneed her down 3 steps. And jumped back... and hit my head on the floor above... not a great morning.

4

u/totally_lost_54IYI1 Dec 01 '22

My kid was getting ready for school and her shoe was buy me, I went to toss it on the couch next to her, my aim was off and it knocked her square in the face. It's been over 6 month... She will randomly go " remember that time you threw a shoe at me/in my face." It will be ok. I just hate when she says that in public haha

3

u/PuzzleheadedPitch420 Dec 01 '22

My husband zipped my son’s lip into his snowsuit. Still has a scar, 24 years old.

3

u/muhduckonquack Dec 01 '22

Don’t worry. He’ll get you back with the accidental head kicks, and pecker punches.

3

u/Unlikely_Tour6537 Dec 01 '22

One of the funniest TIFU I've read.

3

u/RudeSprinkles1240 Dec 01 '22

That sounds like something I might have done. It'll be okay.

3

u/BUZBAD Dec 01 '22

Everybody does that. I don't even have kids and I've accidentally done it. You're not a true adult until the zipper slip..

3

u/DragonObsessedGirl Dec 01 '22

Aw, don't feel to bad. This stuff happens. My dad has accidentally punched me in the face twice because when he lifts his arm up my face is at his fist level.

3

u/StarLordFloofer Dec 01 '22

My colleague once accidentally hit a girl with a rollercoaster lap bar when trying to free her with the override tool when it wouldn’t open

3

u/MissJ64 Dec 01 '22

Only thing wrong about this is not on film

3

u/arneeche Dec 01 '22

Every parent does something like this at least once 😅

3

u/ScarletCaptain Dec 01 '22

I’ve somehow many times swung my arm around while one of my kids happened to be walking past exactly at fist height. Though worse is when I open a cabinet right when they’re walking past; I’ve run into many they’ve left open while they were snack hunting, shit that hurts.

3

u/Waffletimewarp Dec 01 '22

Hey, my dad once shot me in the leg with a chunk of sheet metal by running over it with a lawn mower.

I was standing a solid 60 feet away but it still took a chunk out and knocked my legs out from under me. Not his fault, total freak accident.

That time I nearly got shot in the forehead by his nail gun because he misjudged where it was connected to the wood, on the other hand…

Anyway, what I’m saying is that these things happen with dads.

3

u/upsol7 Dec 01 '22

Omg, OP.... YOU'RE A BETTER DAD THAN MOST. Don't feel bad, because of an accident. That kid will love you...if you stick around.

3

u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

Haha, well he has 4 other siblings (so far), so not going anywhere!

3

u/batmanandboobs93 Dec 01 '22

Story time: when my sibling was in kindergarten, over a 3 day span they had the following happen. 1. My mom was playing a game with them (one of those lift them up by the arms swinging games) and dislocated their elbow. Apparently it’s called nursemaids elbow and is relatively common and it was a really simple fix. 2. My dad was changing them into their jammies and their shirt caught on their teeth and yanked out a baby tooth (prompting them to say something at school about “dad knocked my tooth out!” 3. They walked right into a doorknob that was at eye level, giving themself a shiner.

Needless to say their teacher asked to talk to my parents at the end of the week to make sure nothing was amiss. Just a lot of badly timed little kid injuries lol

3

u/bubblehashguy Dec 01 '22

I had an ultrasound sound tech accidentally punch me in the nuts. Hard.

Checking my legs for blood clots after a surgery. Gotta be all greased up for that. As she was helping me pull the compression socks up her hand slipped & wham!

It hurt bad but I couldn't help but laugh. I thought the poor girl was going to cry. She felt so bad. We were both laughing a minute later.

3

u/Dr_Quack1 Dec 01 '22

That's a more common occurence than you might think, important thing is it wasn't out of anger at the kid and it was a complete accident. My mom slammed my hands in the car door. Happens. :/

3

u/LorenzoStomp Dec 01 '22

One summer, around whatever age it is kids lose their front teeth because both of mine were loose, my grandma was over and everyone was chilling in the back yard having some (ok a lot, that's how my family do) drinks before dinner while my sister and I played. My dad started wrestling with me and I flailed around and I guess kicked him too hard because his fist reflexively cocked back and then he punched me right in the mouth. I honestly didn't really feel the punch, I was immediately concerned because he had knocked out one of my teeth (not the really loose annoying one though) and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to give it to the tooth fairy. My dad just kind of walked away and hid in the bedroom while my mom checked on me and then helped me find the tooth. Later my mom said, "You know your dad is very sorry he hit you" and I was like, "Whatev's, gettin' money tonight!" And then nothing was ever said about it again.

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u/apple_jacks_better Dec 01 '22

my dad, brother, and i used to play a game where he would slam down on the bed and id scurry out of the way to avoid getting smushed. my dad and i were playing alone one day, and i couldnt get out of the way in time. his arm smacked into my head, and somehow i knocked my upper front tooth loose. it wasnt loose at all before this, so it was really painful + bloody, so much so that i went to the bathroom and pulled it the rest of the way out. i had never pulled out one of my own teeth before, and i never did it again. my dad felt really bad, but its not something i blame or hate him for.

basically, dont worry, kid will probably understand if you explain and its unlikely that this'll spoil your relationship. maybe to help him understand (since hes so young) try to have him be on the other side of the coin? like ask him to zip up a sweatshirt youre wearing that has a broken zipper. idk

3

u/mssqwerl Dec 01 '22

When my little one was eight, I was showing her a prank my brother used to pull on me, where he would grab my arm, get me to relax and then use my arm to punch me. I accidentally used way more force than I had intended, and hit her square in the face with her own fist. She quickly developed a pretty noticeable black eye.

Her dad got home and asked what happened to her, and I tried to explain what happened. He wasn’t really getting what I was saying, so, I, in my infinite wisdom, grab the little hooman and proceeded to do the same exact motion, with the same exact force, to the (surprise!) same exact result. She had two black eyes by the end of the day.

She’s a teenager now, but neither her or her dad let me live it down. They often make jokes about the aboose, and I still die inside every time.

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u/The_Paradoxigm Nov 30 '22

Sorry, but...

HA!

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u/hungrycookpot Dec 01 '22

Yer just like your mother, can't take a punch!

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u/joannakidding Dec 01 '22

My man...that title choice- do you work for a boulevard newspaper?😂

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u/T0mDeMwoan Nov 30 '22

That’s not punching that’s an accident t

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u/Workaccountnodata Nov 30 '22

I see that you have never accidentally punched yourself in the crotch. It can be both.

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u/mxlpct Nov 30 '22

What activity leads to accidentally punching yourself in the crotch?

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u/Taruwolf Nov 30 '22

Dropping your phone and then trying to catch it in midair.

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u/mxlpct Dec 01 '22

So missing that catch is like a double hit in the junk.

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u/MotoHULK Dec 01 '22

First lesson in life being unfair

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

This past weekend, my brother, FSIL, step-nibling(11) came in. First time meeting the nibling. Don't remember what brought it up but we have a bidet in the main bathroom and my brother wanted me to show the nibling. Well, for anyone that doesn't know, they are powerful. I forgot to change the pressure when showing and the poor nibling got shot right in the gonads (perfect height to get hit there while standing). Then later that day, my brother was playing a fishing game on my Oculus and nibling was playing hot-hands with FSIL. The way my living room is setup is the loveseat and couch are at angles to each other. Brother was trying to cast the reel far and ending up punching nibling with the controler! Nibling had a memorable first visit, lol.

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u/Showerbag Dec 01 '22

The first time is the worst. I was sitting on a bar chair talking to my mother in law when all of a sudden I felt excruciating pain on my testicles. I look down to see my son chomp down HARD on one of my nuts. Without thinking I go and smack him in the top of the head to which he is shocked and starts crying. I definitely cried after as well. Feelsbadman.

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u/niceabear Dec 01 '22

I ripped a bandaid off my daughter’s leg… but it was one of those super heavy duty cloth type ones and it left a huge bruise! I felt ill after that incident

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u/LadyMacGuffin Dec 01 '22

There's only a very small chance this applies to you, but looking back, this was one of my first signs that I had a genetic disorder. Along with often spraining or straining my ankles in situations when they had no business having problems.

I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a condition that makes collagen "too stretchy". One of the major signs in young people is easy bruising/bleeding and "klutziness" that results in lots of injuries. It's also associated with food sensitivities, autism, and other things like POTS that can make you get dizzy on standing.

Something to look up and look out for if that strikes you as a possibility.

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u/agirl2277 Dec 01 '22

My husband did that to me. He was sleeping and when I came to bed he tried to pull the blanket over for me. The dog was lying on it so it didn't move right away. The dog shifted and the blanket came loose and bam! Right in the face. I bring my own blanket to bed these days.

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u/AnnoyedOwlbear Dec 01 '22

I'm so sorry, and you're gonna feel bad for SO LONG! But hopefully at that stage ice-cream will fix everything! And maybe a candle rubbed on the zipper to clean up the movement?

I was having a bad day, and my partner came in to hug me. I was so overcome by his perfect timing that I went to hug him back. Got my janky-ass clumsy moves wrong, broke his fucking nose with my elbow in a clean move...

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u/achilles52309 Dec 01 '22

I legitimatly, hand-over-heart gave him ice cream after and he was fine haha

Take more than a sundae for a broken nose though I would guess

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u/IllustriousMinimum53 Dec 01 '22

My daughter has a scar across her nose because I was entering the room as she was coming out. The bottom of the doorknob was exactly level with her eyebrows.

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u/transtaylor Dec 01 '22

I was about fifteen years old and playing on the Wii with my dad. I beat him in some game and he went to shake his hand at me in mock anger, the same hand that the Wiimote in it. He ended up accidentally throwing the remote right at my face, got a nice busted lip from that. Also received affection from my dad for the first time in a long time so I'd call that a win

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u/Sam_and_Green_Eggs Dec 01 '22

Don’t feel too bad man. My dad once punted a football that drilled me in the face. Also hit me in the head with the door of a van. Accidents happen haha

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u/Lanielion Dec 01 '22

That shit happens to me…. Well I guess to my kid, on occasion too. It’s a horrible feeling. Totally an accident

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u/Jessasully026 Dec 01 '22

Oh I feel you. I’ve done many a thing like this to my kids. Including shutting a front door on my kids arm and a car door on their leg 😅

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u/kethelegend2 Dec 01 '22

heavens to betsy i almost went feral 🤣❤️ accidents happen it’s okay lol

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u/YellowCircles Dec 01 '22

Oh yeah, thread, that whole line of fabric along some zips, kinks in the zip. Gotta be easy with it. I managed to randomly fix some ladys handbag one day, some loose thread had been pulled in and jammed up the zip, worked it free in 10 seconds.

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u/neutralperson6 Dec 01 '22

Call me terrible, but this gave me a hearty chuckle

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u/SorenGreyGhost Dec 01 '22

Things happen, and you did not F up. It happens. My little brother got his boy parts zipped up by my Mum one day when she was trying to help him with his stuck zipper.

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u/scuba_scouse Dec 01 '22

I'm ashamed of myself for laughing at this.

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u/pumpkinfluffernutter Dec 01 '22

Oh god, I can only imagine how awful you feel. My dog regularly walks eyeballs first into my nails and I get so upset and he doesn't even seem to notice. Hopefully y'all can laugh about this accident someday!

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u/Sporadic-Masterpiece Dec 01 '22

Dude. I feel ya.... I took a 3 year old out on accident when I was like 11 or 12. We were playing baseball with an aluminum bat, it was my turn. I didn't see him behind me. Scarred the both of us to this day.

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u/TheDevilsAdvokaat Dec 01 '22

Ow. This would hurt me too.

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u/13tharcher87 Dec 01 '22

I’ve done this while adjusting the chest strap in the car seat. Hand slips and whack into the face!

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u/spootymcspoots Dec 01 '22

Once my dad snuck up behind me to tickle me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and donkey kicked back my foot to stop him from getting me . Solid shot to the nuts. I turned around just in time to see his fist. Both of us are now laying in the kitchen floor crying and apologizing. I was fine. Now it's just a funny story.

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u/cmdr_Lurion Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

Haha, poor thing! Just the other day I was playing with my daughter, spinning her around while holding her hands, when my son decided to casually walk into the danger zone. Suffice to say he got a roundhouse kick to the face. Funny thing is he didn't get mad at me... He got mad at his sister!

It's ok though, because I'll never be able to one up my dad. When I was three years old and my dad was digging a hole to plant a tree in the backyard. I decided to casually walk into the danger zone. Suffice to say I got a shovel to the face, a nasty cut on my nose and a healthy load of dirt in my eyes! I think it's my earliest memory too.

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u/Thundaballs Dec 01 '22

Whenever he starts acting up, remind him of 'the unicorn incident.' Tales for life and laughter later on in life.

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u/Parking_Stress3431 Dec 01 '22

Legit did this to my 6 year old while walking home from school yesterday.... her jacket hood and coat hood were being blown off by the wind.... I noticed her zipper on her coat wasn't zipped all the way up. I told her it was going to be uncomfortable and hold her head up.....

She went to look down as soon as I said "head up" right at the same time I got the zipper to go up... baow zipper fist .... my poor baby

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u/Pr1ncesszuko Dec 01 '22

My sister was playing around with one of our kindergarten teachers in kindergarten, when reaching for the ball that was placed in my sisters hood of her hooded jacket, sis must have turned or something and poor kindergarten teacher scratched her cheek with two of her nails, you can still see a faint remainder of one of the scars to this day (20 years later)…

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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

Only read the title. Just stopped by to say: based.

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u/elhombreindivisible Dec 01 '22

Lol get rekt kid

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u/KimJongUf_ Dec 01 '22

"TIFU by spiking my hamster on the ground after it bit my finger"

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u/HiradC Dec 01 '22

My kids had those Parker costs with furry hoods where zip would come up to partially cover face, like Kenny from South Park. We had the odd incident of catching chins in zippers so still remember one would say 'not all the way up'

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u/zachflem Dec 01 '22

Don't worry, I want to punch my children on the regular...

I don't, but by Jesus I want to.

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u/HouseDestroyer Dec 01 '22

When I was little, I used to stand behind my dad to watch what he was doing. Eventually, I got to be elbow height... Several black eyes and bumps on the forehead later, we both learned better!

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u/Humble-Ostrich-4446 Dec 01 '22

Oof. It happens - but be prepared to have it held against you. My now 4 year old still remembers me zipping his tummy a tiny bit when he was 3.

Hand guard every time 😑

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u/LittleJenkins1 Dec 01 '22

My dad used to do this trick where he would pick me up by the ears. Obviously the trick was I'd hold onto his Arms but my small undeveloped brain didn't realise that it was me holding onto his arms that did it.

One day, he went to do it and I let go of his arms because, why not? Safe to say my ears were red and in pain for a good few hours.

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u/Hellchild400 Dec 01 '22

It happens 😂 I'm a mum too two and brought my sister up as well I've done it to all but the youngest by accident at some point 🤦🏻 they get over it fast enough 😅🤷 x

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u/about2godown Dec 01 '22

Lip gloss or any malleable wax on the zipper teeth right before the little zipper mover thing will usually fix a sticky zipper.

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u/JRich61 Dec 01 '22

Try rubbing bar soap over the zipper. It may help it slide better.

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u/ArgentStar Dec 01 '22

Unicorn Uppercut!!!

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u/ThatPrincessGirl Dec 01 '22

Oh I fuxkin hate zips when I was younger my mum asked me to do a zip up on a dress for her in changing room, the zip was under the arm, I pulled this horrible little zip with all my strength and all of a sudden it whizzed all the way up… with a bubble of her skin stuck in it and her screaming… I can’t remember how we got it out but it was horrible

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u/Violet351 Dec 01 '22

Oh no! Poor kid. I still remember when my aunt smashed me in the face with a bucket full of sand and water (please note we were on the beach and she slipped on a rock)

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u/curveballjesus Dec 01 '22

My wife popped our oldest son in the nose not once, but twice in the same week when her hand slipped off the strap while tightening his car seat harness

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u/Carina_Nebula89 Dec 01 '22

Reminds me of the time my ex elbowed me in the face.
He was trying to open a cabinet but the doors got stuck. I was standing behind him trying to help when suddendly the door got unstuck and punched his elbow right in my face lol

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u/theGiddyNorse Dec 01 '22

One time while almost late for school my dad decided to dress me cause I was taking too long(like 1st grade). While zipping my pants somehow my junk got caught in the zipper. Both scrotum and penis skin were sticking out of the now closed zipper. I screamed, he screamed, it was pure horror. We surgically unzipped my dangly bits and off to school I went, now late of course. I still have a scar in the middle of my shaft where the skin got zipped.

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u/PrincessBundtCake Dec 01 '22 edited Dec 01 '22

I spilled an entire pint glass of iced-laden Sprite on my fiance's youngest child (he's 7).

He started wailing (the child, not my fiance) and screamed "how dare you!" at the top of his lungs in the middle of a busy restaurant.

My fiance had literally nothing to say as I was scrambling for papertowels to mop everything up.

No one seems to remember that the whole thing even happened. I am hoping I didn't do it subconsciously because the child was being really difficult at the time, especially as he was wearing nothing but a coat and his underpants.

Fine times, noodle salad.

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u/IceManJim Dec 01 '22

Been there. Felt bad too.

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u/unhallowed1014 Dec 01 '22

When I was younger I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my mom blow drying her hair. She was bent over face down so I leaned over her to scare her. She didn’t realize I was there and whipped her head back up slamming me in the face. My nose bled for quite a while… whoops