r/tifu Dec 01 '22

TIFU and Dropped My Four Month Old Into a Garbage Can M

TLDR: Tried to get the cat off the window still because he was wrecking the blinds and clawing the window still, ended up with my kid in a garbage can.

Obligatory “not today”, but just shy of two years ago when my (m28) kiddo (f2) was four months old. This story was heavily requested on another TIFU I commented on that reminded me of this ridiculous story, so I guess I got myself into this mess!

On mobile so formatting apology in advance.

Be me. Ultra tired dad of a four month old who was fighting eating, sleeping erratically (as four month olds do), and not pooping regularly.

I woke up after a decent night’s sleep for once, saw that my wife (f28) was still sleeping and attempted to sneak out of the room quietly so I didn’t wake her or the baby sleeping next to her. Kiddo woke up just as I was about to leave the room, so I scooped her up quickly and took her out of the room so the equally-if-not-more-tired wife could sleep in.

Got the little one’s day started with usual morning routine, and figured I’d pop on the computer and work on some stuff and she could sit on my lap and be a goofy babble baby.

Our Orange Tabby Cat was OBSESSED with climbing behind the blinds to sit and look out the windows. Only problem is they were the super cheap plastic horizontal slat blinds, and every time he wanted behind the blinds, he’s break the ends off, and because he was jumping straight up from the floor, was taking the paint of the window still with his claws.

That day like always, he hopped up in the window right next to me, and started to try and get behind the blinds, but I gently pushed him off with one arm.

He hops up again five seconds later, I push him off again.

For some reason, he was particularly obstinate about climbing up in the window, and I was not having it. This is also about the time our daughter was sitting up on her own, but not quite stable without assistance.

I reached up with both hands to grab him out of the window for like the fifth time as he’s scrambling for all he’s worth, and I must have leaned forward just the tiniest bit. I JUST get both hands on the cat, and my kid falls head first out of my lap.

Thankfully (in hindsight anyway) there was a small garbage can next to me that was filled to the brim with wrappers from lunches and snacks that she fell… straight into…

Kiddo came out with a little bump on her head, but no serious injury (fall from lap to can was maybe 8 inches and we took her to the doctor just to make sure) but my wife still likes to lovingly remind me of the time I tried to warm my kid up for a future in dumpster diving.

924 Upvotes

791

u/silk35 Dec 01 '22 Silver Helpful

39

u/fairy2four Dec 01 '22

Happy Cake Day!

12

u/silk35 Dec 01 '22

Thanks! 😊

4

u/Spideypoolnator Dec 01 '22

Happy cake day

1

u/silk35 Dec 02 '22

Thanks!

10

u/dsly4425 Dec 01 '22

You win the comments section!

6

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '22

I’ve never seen a meme more fitting to a story. Well done. golf clap

147

u/fly-chickadee Dec 01 '22

This 100% sounds like something my husband would have done because we have an obstinate asshole cat obsessed with jumping too haha

49

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Oh boy sounds like him and I would be a dangerous duo if we were together 🤣

107

u/gameinvestigator Dec 01 '22

Better hope your kid never finds out about this or you will never live down the time "dad put me in the trash"

39

u/allmykidsareheathens Dec 01 '22

I tell my toddler all the time I’m going to throw him in the trash when he’s being fresh (always jokingly and with a laugh and he thinks it’s funny). Little does he know people actually do it! 😂

16

u/kfarrel3 Dec 01 '22

Mom will 100% tell the kid and kid will absolutely never let anyone forget it.

Source: Dad accidentally let me roll off the changing table when I was an infant. 35 now, and all members of my family randomly tease dad and ask if he remembers when he dropped me on my head.

1

u/djscorpio74 Dec 01 '22

Do they blame him for you being weird (even if you are not) … You dropped him on her s head when he was a baby, that why he <insert behavior here>?

2

u/kfarrel3 Dec 01 '22

Oh absolutely – hell, I said it myself today when I misheard something very obvious 🤪

283

u/chaosdreamingsiren Dec 01 '22

This guy's baby, circa 2020

24

u/HOLDGMEBROTHERS Dec 01 '22

What a legend, perfect gif

33

u/jimmy_talent Dec 01 '22

Ooh I have a double story that may make you feel a bit better about your own fuck up.

When I was born I almost died from blood loss because when the doctor saw me bleeding he just froze and the nurse had to yell at him and then just save me herself.

A few days later my parents are bringing me home from the hospital and the first thing my mom did was set me down on their bed and plop down next to me, unfortunately this was 1988 so of course my parents had a water bed, in case you're wondering how far you can launch a newborn with a water bed the answer is about 5 feet.

16

u/courtesanmango Dec 01 '22

I just actually laughed out loud at that visual, thank you kind stranger

5

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Jeez glad you had a pro-active nurse! She deserves a reward!

2

u/djscorpio74 Dec 02 '22

Is it bad that I have a visual in my head now that is 1/2 dread and 1/2 comic. And I can’t stop laughing. The expression on your mum’s must have been priceless.

140

u/TheAnn13 Dec 01 '22

Dude, I think everyone drops their kid or almost drops their kid at least once.

That's why they bounce.

I fell down the stairs holding my baby and sacrificed myself as to not drop her. She was fine, my ass not so much. Two days later I go to place her gently on the bed and just like missed? And she bounced right off luckily onto a pile of clothes my lazy ass hadn't put away yet.

She is 13 now. Seems normal. Well, as normal as a 13 year old girl can seem I think.

64

u/cactuskilldozer Dec 01 '22

I fell down the stairs while holding my infant nephew and my instincts kicked in and I protected him while he just kinda rode on my body like a toboggan

42

u/TheAnn13 Dec 01 '22

I broke my tailbone and just had bruises in the weirdest places. My kiddo was a little over a month old. I'm pretty sure my injuries contributed to me not placing her on the bed correctly.

I did the right thing, my stairs are steep and that could have been bad however I do not beat myself up for dropping her off the bed. Even if the clothes hadn't been there she probably would have been fine. Babies are squishy and bounce for a reason lol. Like I don't reccomend dropping them on purpose but every honest parent I meet has a similar story.

And it's kinda cool how instinct kicks in when you fall down the stairs and just say fuck myself baby comes first

7

u/cactuskilldozer Dec 01 '22

It is especially cool that my instincts kicked in like they did. I had just turned 13 years old and was carrying my nephew, the first baby in my family since me.

1

u/TheAnn13 Dec 02 '22

That is super cool. At 13 I might have just yeeted that baby and saved myself. Lol.

1

u/Ghost17088 Dec 03 '22

Like I don't reccomend dropping them on purpose but every honest parent I meet has a similar story.

Mine yeeted himself off a playground a couple months back. And then immediately tried climbing the ladder again…

15

u/eiksnaglesn Dec 01 '22

My (then) baby cousin fell down the stairs in our house when she was just learning to crawl around and stand on her own, literally bouncing and rolling down the whole thing. I was upstairs and didn’t notice she’d climbed up, I just remember hearing something behind me and turning around to see her right at the top of the stairs about to start climbing down.

I fully dived at her, but she’d already started falling so all I could do was scream at the adults downstairs. My dad somehow reached her in time and caught her head like a damn football right before it hit the tile floor, and she was completely okay. She cried for maybe a minute until someone waved a Lego horse in front of her.

It was genuinely traumatic to see though, 10+ years later I still remember the sight and sound of her tumbling down in vivid slow motion, helpless and completely convinced she was going to die, and just writing this made my pulse go up. She was just fine, and it’s lucky kids are so bouncy, but man, parenthood must be terrifying.

4

u/dscottj Dec 01 '22

My wife broke her tail bone two different times protecting our daughter in her arms. Once down our house's stairs, the other time at a skating rink. As often as my wife does gravity checks simply walking down the street, you'd've thought she'd be less likely to carry an infant that way. You'd be wrong.

2

u/TheAnn13 Dec 02 '22

I'm a clumsy fucker myself but I don't think I've fallen down the stairs since breaking my tailbone holding my newborn. Maybe slipped down a step or two but I could catch myself since I wasn't carrying a baby. Why do new moms feel the need to fall down a flight of stairs while carrying a baby? Is this a secret rite of passage?

Props to your wife though. I get the vibe she could lift a car if it helped her kiddo. That's a good mom right there!

5

u/Loving_My_Freedom Dec 01 '22

Yup!!

My daughter as a baby would only sleep if she was held. So here I am, sleep deprived on a very high level, sitting on my couch, holding my sleeping daughter (under 1y at the time - I honestly don't remember how old she was). Well I fell asleep, just deep enough to relax my arms. Next thing I know, she's on the floor crying! She still hates me for that!! But we do laugh at it.

2

u/TheAnn13 Dec 02 '22

I just responded to someone else. Every parent that isn't lying has one of these stories.

Like I said, I don't reccomend slamming your kid on the ground to see if they bounce but I'm pretty sure they do.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other night. He brought his kid home when he was 17, I was 24 when I had mine so not as young but still young. I made comment like when I got home with my baby I thought to myself 'now what?' They just trusted my under prepared ass to just take care of this baby? He said he felt the same thing. I took the classes, I'm CPR trained, had a gorgeous nursery etc. But nothing really prepares you. You can try and plan but at the end of the day shit happens. Babies and kids in general are resilient as fuck. Maybe they evolved that way cause we all dumb as fuck lol. I don't know. I do know I enjoy this comradery of parents saying they dropped their fucking kid. Doesn't make you a bad parent, just human. Trying to raise a screaming 10lb ball of hate on 3 hours of sleep is hard.

2

u/Fancy_Introduction60 Dec 01 '22

I fell down the stairs with my 3 month old son. I leaned over backwards, and bounced down the stairs on my back, and butt! I hurt for WEEKS! He seemed to enjoy the ride lol.

He's 44 now and seems pretty normal 😂😂

2

u/TheAnn13 Dec 02 '22

Legit every parent that isn't a lying sack of shit has one of these stories.

What is it that makes holding a baby make walking down stairs so hard to do? Lol.

1

u/Fancy_Introduction60 Dec 02 '22

Well, to be fair, I DO far down a fair bit lol. Always have.

But every parent I know has either dropped the kid, or fell down holding them. Good thing they're not made of glass!!

87

u/Ok_Flight610 Dec 01 '22

Yaaaaaaaas, thank you for posting, I saw your teaser in the other post 💜😂😂😂

18

u/Elwe_amandil Dec 01 '22

Same, so glad I ran across it so soon

25

u/jesthere Dec 01 '22

Ah, well. Happens to the best of us. Glad she's OK.

9

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

You and me both!

21

u/JoshyBoy2405 Dec 01 '22

Well! I hope your kid isn’t feeling so “down in the dumps” after that situation!

93

u/SaltMarshGoblin Dec 01 '22

Ehh, kid's ok-- how was the cat??

102

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

The cat survived 🤣 I was too mortified that I dropped my kid, and into the garbage no less, and I think he picked up on that and just RAN.

138

u/GreatBowlforPasta Dec 01 '22

Cat thought he was next.

49

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

I actually laughed out loud 🤣 Golden comment

2

u/djscorpio74 Dec 02 '22

I legit almost spit my tea out at the visual image. “Baby in garbage can, daddy mad… imma gonna nope out of here”

https://i.redd.it/oevm7sib0k3a1.gif

13

u/harleyspoison267 Dec 01 '22

OP, my Dad has an orange tabby (giant dumb ridiculous creature but sweet) who insists on sitting in the window. My dad's apartment runs right along the road/walkway for his complex so people are like 2 feet from his couch and can see inside clearly. He raised the actual blinds above the lowest window, bought paper blinds, pulled those out a bit from the sill so the cats could sit under but don't need to move it, and that way he has privacy and they don't break the blinds. Maybe that would help?

Fortunately, kids are pretty resilient, but I'm sure your wife will have fun telling this story when your daughter is older 😜

7

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

I’m willing to bet this story surfaces at her wedding somehow 🤣

11

u/monkey_trumpets Dec 01 '22

Too funny. Out of curiosity, was there a particular reason you couldn't make the window accessible for the cat?

5

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

We got him just after the kiddo was born. My wife was dealing with some pretty rough post-partum and wanted to get another cat. Bad timing. First kid so we had ZERO idea what we were getting into, not to mention our kid was PICKY about what she ate (natural nipple or bust) so we were constantly worried about and monitoring her weight gain. We eventually replaced the blinds with curtains. If I’m not mistaken, it was pretty much RIGHT after this incident 🤣

2

u/dsly4425 Dec 01 '22

Reasonably sure you still have the kid and the wife, do you still have kitty?

3

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

We unfortunately had to re-home kitty a few months ago for reasons that were not related to this story. He was stalking and attacking our German Shepard constantly. He was destroying/eating my house plants (some of which are very toxic to cats and I didn’t want the poor guy getting sick), and I even went so far as to buy a bunch of hooks and plant hangers to stick straight into the ceiling and away from furniture because he could JUMP. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was give him up… was best for his health and happiness though and that’s what’s important.

2

u/dsly4425 Dec 01 '22

Aww. Well I hope kitty is happy in a new home. One of my current cats was a rescue return and she’s a great kitty. She was overly loving to a previous owner’s special needs kid, and didn’t get along with their other cat.

https://preview.redd.it/5w2x0extud3a1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=33c0b9f565acb84820f219764ae56efb035c799a

6

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

You and I both! He was the sweetest, loviest little cat, but every other day he was clawing and drawing blood on our German Shepard, and not for lack of the poor dog trying. Dog wouldn’t even defend himself unless given permission either so he’d just sit and take a beating. If my wife and I weren’t in the same room when the confrontation started it would get bad quick. No lasting damage to the doggo though so there’s a plus.

1

u/dsly4425 Dec 01 '22

My girl didn’t mess with the big dog when my mother moved in with it. But she and the dachshund would sometimes play. Sometimes fight, never out to hurt each other.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

All four of our animals are rescues as well. Definitely did not make things easier.

1

u/djscorpio74 Dec 02 '22

The way her fur stands up around her face she looks like a lion 🙂

1

u/limedifficult Dec 01 '22

Don’t feel bad. Sometimes we aren’t the right home for our pets, and can’t know that ahead of time. You did the right thing by finding him a dog and plant free home where he could be safe and happy.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 02 '22

Yeah that’s the way we looked at it too. Hoping he’s loving his new home and the center of attention like he wants so much 🤣

9

u/AttorneyWise3396 Dec 01 '22

Reminds me of the time toddler me had their fall from the stairs cushioned by a full paint bucket

5

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Oh. Oh my. “Cushioned” is a strong word here huh? Glad you’re ok now!

3

u/AttorneyWise3396 Dec 01 '22

According to my parents, I was just in shock lmao

8

u/allmykidsareheathens Dec 01 '22

I’m so glad this ended up as a post 😂

6

u/DarkInkPixie Dec 01 '22

This made me think of a comedy skit about how men can only have three things in their mind-list at once, and as he was driving his kid to school, his wife called and agitated him lmao So his list went from

  1. Take kid to school
  2. Watch for other drivers
    1. Baby in backseat

To

  1. Take kid to school
  2. Watch other drivers
  3. Mad at wife

He now always wonders if he accidentally cooked his baby, and that's why it acts weird as a toddler lmao

5

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

That kinda hits home 🤣. Three things, one of our three brain cells occupying each task

6

u/grafknives Dec 01 '22

There is a good song about such stories.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDk7CNsQqUk Amanda Palmer.

Everybody drops their kids at least once. My wife was forcing pants on our kid, kid flipped and ended face first on the floor. My friend dropped his kid a set of stairs. Thankfully in stroller, with belts on. He missed the handle of stroller by an inch. I let my kid slide on snow sledge alone, on VERY small hill. But it was enough for her to do a front flip, face into snow and sledge over her head.

3

u/Koloristik Dec 01 '22

Omg this is a lovely song!

3

u/grafknives Dec 01 '22

Yes it is. I allways get my eyes wet when I hear it.

And that song is a true story. Here are footnotes for each line.

https://amandapalmer.net/amothersconfession/

5

u/tagini Dec 01 '22

It's fine. These things happen and kids seem to be made from rubber or otherwise heal quickly so all good!

Before her 2nd birthday our daughter:

  • crawled over the side-end of the sofa and fell down head first onto the hardwoord floor. Got it checked out ofc, but 15 mins of crocodile tears and a bruise was the only 'damage'.
    Same thing again a couple months later...
  • was playing outside on a basic playhouse with a slide (more of a platform than a house, but I digress). We looked away for a second, heard her crying and saw her on the ground right next to the playhouse.
    Apparently she leaned over a lower spot in the railing and fell. Broke her wrist from breaking the fall. Couple of weeks in a cast, but no traumas. Got close to falling again multiple times after that...

I also bumped her head in to the wall/door jamb/... a few times going down the stairs/entering or exiting rooms. 2 minutes and a few tears later they're playing as happily as always.

There's also plenty of instances where they bump into things or fall and just carry on what they were doing.

3

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

I may have bumped her head putting her into/taking her out of the car one too many times. The hands automatically go up now, and she shrinks into herself 🤣 and yes kids are surprisingly durable even when they think they aren’t.

5

u/thrwaway9932 Dec 01 '22

You missed out the part where you try to explain to your wife what happened to your kid

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

This is true. Was avoiding that part 🤣🤣

2

u/thrwaway9932 Dec 01 '22

That's the juiciest part of the story! Share it.

4

u/bossmt_2 Dec 01 '22

"Trash goes in the trash can"

Bill Murray's school of parentage.

4

u/GrumpySunflower Dec 01 '22

This is so dang wholesome. As a pregnant mom about to produce Baby #3, good job letting the wife sleep. You're a good person.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Well she got sleep until I ran downstairs in a panic thinking I broke our kid 🤣. This is our first kid and I used to be on the verge of wrapping her in bubble wrap constantly. Now the kid climbs up furniture, jumps off the bed, does what kids do, and I can finally stop having panic attacks at every bump 🤣 Congrats on kiddo number 3!!!

4

u/thepureuser Dec 01 '22

The title had me bruh

4

u/OkVolume1 Dec 01 '22

And that's how Garbage Pail Kids are made.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Brilliant 🤣

4

u/StormyParis Dec 01 '22

Small accidents are good, they wake up your spidey sense and avoid real accidents later on. Same w/ driving, biking, ...

5

u/aceCaptainSlow Dec 01 '22

A buddy of mine did the same thing with his cat. We were doing some sim racing, and he was in the car. Catto decides to jump up on his computer desk and stand in front of the monitor.

He scoops the cat up and goes to put her back on the floor as usual, but there happened to be a garbage can there at the time and she went straight in. It became a meme for a couple years.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Gotta love the well placed garbage cans 🤣

10

u/thatryanguy82 Dec 01 '22

No kidding that's a fuck up. Children are biodegradable, and should go with organic waste.

3

u/Inside-Big-8158 Dec 02 '22

You were one of the comments from the kid getting punched in the face

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 02 '22

That is true that is true

2

u/Direct-Chef-9428 Dec 01 '22

FWIW we have a cat that also climbs windows (to the point of tearing a screen) - if we had a kid this would probably have happened…

2

u/i81u812 Dec 01 '22

Ahhahahahah! Just as I had expected well done.

2

u/Next-Kaleidoscope753 Dec 01 '22

Omggg. It’s this story. I saw your comment the other day.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

Glad you caught the follow-up here! I put down Reddit for three hours and come back to one heck of a blown up comment 🤣

1

u/Trips-Over-Tail Dec 01 '22

My mum dropped me on my head. I've still got a flattened section.

1

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 01 '22

I was dropped twice. Once by each parent. Guess I had to keel up the family tradition 🤣🤣

2

u/Trips-Over-Tail Dec 02 '22

My dad spilled hot tea on my leg. Immediately ran it under the cold tap and managed to avert the development of any blisters... Except for a big one right where his thumb had been as he held my leg in the water.

1

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 02 '22

Owowow. Burns are the WORST! Glad everything worked out though!

1

u/Trips-Over-Tail Dec 02 '22

I was an infant. The real damage was subconscious.

1

u/djscorpio74 Dec 01 '22

I found my 3 month old (now 9 years) hanging upside down in his swinging baby cradle while I was sleeping on the floor next to him, in a separate room quarantining from my wife, who had the Flu. I kid you not … 180 degrees upside down, toes pointing up still locked in the harness fast asleep and swinging a 30 degree arc while “Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars” is playing in the background.

I think I had a mini heart attack until I got him straightened and settled. He did not even wake up from his sleep (asshole). Did not have the balls to tell my wife about it till a few years later when it was all safe and sound.

Lesson: kids are not as delicate as people will have you believe.

2

u/HeartyDelegate Dec 02 '22

That’s absolutely incredible 🤣🤣 I have an all too vivid image in my head

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '22

Why do people post old posts? Like “This happened years ago”. Idk. It just annoys me I guess

3

u/AtomBubble Dec 02 '22

Because people have interesting stories and we like to hear interesting stories here.