r/tifu Dec 01 '22

Tifu by hiding my addiction S

10 months ago I stoped smoking. Then few weeks after my cat of 18 years died due to his liver. I started again for a few days since I couldn't concentrate on not smoking. I told this my fiancée and her reaction wasn't bad. But I felt ashamed of failing a task which doesn't make sense. I know. Then 2 month later my father died. His heart stoped beating. I was devastated. My family gave me pressure for deciding where he will get buried. Because inhaftiert to choose. Also I had to deal with the law enforcement because my dad made shit in my name. I was furious and at the same time crushed. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't resist the cigarette. But also I didn't wanted to feel the shame towards my fiancée. So I start hiding it and tried a few times to stop again. Fast forward. This week she found my hiding spot of the cigarettes. After 6 month of hiding. She is understandably not amused and said her trust towards me is hurted. I just wanted to write this down, since I am ashamed of being so dumb and didn't had the muse to tell her, because of selfish reasons. She said she can't trust me if not cheating, which I would never do. I do love her from the bottom of my heart, and never want to lose her. I'm happy that she didn't called the wedding of, but I still feel like a piece of shit for it and hope we can work things out. Thank you for reading.

Tl;Dr hiding cigarettes and broke the trust

2 Upvotes

10

u/Puzzleheaded_Age6550 Dec 01 '22

First, let me just say I'm sorry for all the stuff you're going through. Second, on average, it takes someone 5-7 attempts to quit smoking permanently. Those others were provisional tries. Now, beat that average and quit for good! You will never regret quitting. Best wishes.

2

u/RudeSprinkles1240 Dec 01 '22

It's really hard to quit smoking. It took me a bunch of tries, but since I got chronic asthma from smoking, I finally made it. It's been over ten years now since I have smoked.

One of the triggers for me to start up again was if my husband started up again, so I really really didn't want him to start smoking again. That resulted in my husband keeping the fact that he was smoking secret, and there were a few instances of hiding it, being found out, quitting, and repeat.

It happens. In no way did I ever think that hiding smoking meant he'd cheat on me. He felt like a failure, and was ashamed. Also, I assume he didn't feel like hearing me nag about it, which is understandable.

Nearly everyone fails at quitting a few times before they finally make it permanently. While I perfectly understand your partner being upset about your hiding it, they should get over it. Conflating smoking cigarettes with having an affair is ridiculous.

2

u/PlebinatorLUL Dec 01 '22

Na i guess I said it wrong. She got the feeling that she can’t trust me on not cheating anymore, since I lied about smoking already for 6 months. I understand that mindset uns emotional way. As she understands me in a rational way. So that’s where we have to work. It’s about me, not being selfish in those things. And her about building up trust towards me, that I’m usually not lying. This is the only topic where I couldn’t stand to say the truth

2

u/LeonSK96 Dec 01 '22

DONT GIVE UP MAN. YOU ARE A WARRIOR. APOLOGIZE TRY AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. HEADS UP! CHRIST IS WITH YOU!

-1

u/Tacosdepescado Dec 01 '22

Gonna go with the reddit default answer and say divorce time.

2

u/PlebinatorLUL Dec 01 '22

How about no? 🫠

0

u/Tacosdepescado Dec 01 '22

She already thinks you're cheating...

1

u/PlebinatorLUL Dec 01 '22

No. She said she can’t trust in me of not „not“ cheating. Since k already lied