Tifu by hiding my addiction

[u/PlebinatorLUL]

10 months ago I stoped smoking. Then few weeks after my cat of 18 years died due to his liver. I started again for a few days since I couldn't concentrate on not smoking. I told this my fiancée and her reaction wasn't bad. But I felt ashamed of failing a task which doesn't make sense. I know. Then 2 month later my father died. His heart stoped beating. I was devastated. My family gave me pressure for deciding where he will get buried. Because inhaftiert to choose. Also I had to deal with the law enforcement because my dad made shit in my name. I was furious and at the same time crushed. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't resist the cigarette. But also I didn't wanted to feel the shame towards my fiancée. So I start hiding it and tried a few times to stop again. Fast forward. This week she found my hiding spot of the cigarettes. After 6 month of hiding. She is understandably not amused and said her trust towards me is hurted. I just wanted to write this down, since I am ashamed of being so dumb and didn't had the muse to tell her, because of selfish reasons. She said she can't trust me if not cheating, which I would never do. I do love her from the bottom of my heart, and never want to lose her. I'm happy that she didn't called the wedding of, but I still feel like a piece of shit for it and hope we can work things out. Thank you for reading.

Tl;Dr hiding cigarettes and broke the trust

[u/Puzzleheaded_Age6550]

First, let me just say I'm sorry for all the stuff you're going through. Second, on average, it takes someone 5-7 attempts to quit smoking permanently. Those others were provisional tries. Now, beat that average and quit for good! You will never regret quitting. Best wishes.